New Roommate
by LastTyme
Summary: Bookman's out of town and a strange man is in Lavi's kitchen, telling him he's here to retrieve him. He's confused when he's dropped into a house with it's occupant, and told he'll be starting school soon, and he is to live there for who knows how long. Lavi sets a new goal in this new home, but no one is allowed to learn about his past. (First fic, AU. Laven? Yes, M for later chp)
1. Chapter 1

**Okay guys, here we go. C: My first fanfic is off to a great start. I want to get into a habit of putting up a few chapters at a time. This one is pretty long(!), probably because it's the beginning, but not a many of them will be. Maybe, maybe not. Most of it will be in Lavi's point of view, just because I really like him.  
**

**I do not own D. Grey-Man, or any of the characters.**

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_Everything is dark. I can't see my hands in front of my face, and it worries me. A lot. A light switches on from somewhere outside of the room I'm in, and I'm blinded, and I can't locate it's source. Once my vision starts to reappear, I quickly notice that the room is pitch white and plain. The floor is concrete, which explains why it's so cold. The light is starting to fade, but it doesn't extinguish completely. I hadn't noticed that a tall, sturdy man has entered the room, and he's standing over me, eerily. Panic sets in and my eyes are scanning him, flashing from one place to another, and lock on what he's holding. It looks like a spoon-_

"AH-huh..!" I shoot up from my bed, and my hand instinctively goes to my right eye. It feels like it almost always has, and some how it relaxes me. I can't see the wall to my right, and I swing my head around, just to make sure everything is safe. I sigh and nod to myself, my bright red hair falling into my face. I shoo it out of my sight, and turn to my left, finding my lamp. It flashes on, and I find my eye-patch.

_It was just a dream..._ I tell myself, but I still can't get rid of my nervous feeling. Looking around my room, I notice it's cleaner than when I went to sleep. That means Bookman must be home! I mean... Oh, Bookman's home.

Honestly, I'm excited. He was missing for a while, and I was starting to worry, but now that he's home..!

I don't bother tying on my eye-patch, and stand, rushing out of my room in only my boxers and into the living room, but who's waiting isn't Bookman...

A tall, lean man with bushy hair and almost the same color as mine stands over the counter in my kitchen. He's wearing a dark trench coat and pants, and an odd-shaped hat. I'm confused on who he is, and why he's here, but my first thought is that he's suddenly staring at my face; exactly where I don't want him to. I turn to the right, hiding my 'eye' from his line of sight, and face the wall. I am not backing down. This is my house!

"Who are you..?!" I try not to shout, but, c'mon! Could you blame me?

The man scoffs, and crosses his arms. His thick hair bounces, which I find funny looking, but don't laugh against the urges, and I notices he's wearing half of a mask, which I find pretty odd, but it's even weirder that he has glasses on _over_ the mask. "Fine then, brat. I'll leave you here to rot." He starts walking away.

_Wait, what?_

"Wait, what?"

He turns back to me, and I shift, making sure the right side of my face is still hidden.

"You heard me. Are you Lavi?" I nod and he continues, "Bookman's sent me to-," he huffs, "Retrieve you."

My eye goes wide, "Bookman?" I hope he'll tell me what's happened, without making me showing too much interest. Sure I worry about that old panda sometimes, but I'm mostly indifferent; I only live with the guy...

The man shuffles, "Yeah, get your stuff, we're leaving. Well, I am." He starts heading out of the house, after grabbing a can from the fridge, which I think was beer, but I'm not going to question him, and since he's gone outside anyway...

I turn around and retreat back into my room, and the first thing I do is tie my eye-patch around the back of my head, wincing as it catches some of my hair. I dress, dark jeans, a plain black t-shirt with a hammer design on it, and a green hoodie, and head back out. I exit through the front door, and find the bushy-haired man standing there, sipping from his...can, and smoking a cigarette, leaned over his car. "Who are you?" I finally demand.

He straightens up, and tosses his cancer-stick, not too concerned about where it lands. "Marian Cross. Get in the car." He smirks, and turns around and opens the door. I rush in front of him, and steal his car keys. It's probably a big mistake, but the deed's done before I can think about it. I dash back inside the house, and I hear him running up behind me, and I hurry to lock to door. I pause and think of any other ways he can sneak in, but I doubt he's willing to try any of the windows. I hurry to lock the back door just in case, and return to the door, where 'Marian Cross' is still standing. It's obvious he's furious; his face matches his hair. I hold back a snicker, and dangle the keys in front of his face. I watch him grit his teeth and pound on the door.

"Now. Where are we going, and why?"

His forehead falls against the glass pane of the door. Did I just break him?

"Bookman is dead." I can tell he's talking through gritted teeth, but can't distinguish what emotion he's holding behind the words.

I falter back. _It can't be. I know he isn't... dead? No, the old panda is tougher than that... _I unlock the door, and stand in the doorway...

And Cross shoots his hand in, and steals the keys from me. "I am leaving you here, you brat!" He climbs into his car and revs the engine. I run to the passenger's side, and throw the door open. Maybe he won't drive away like this.

I soon realized I'm dead wrong, because the car starts backing out of my short driveway. I panic, and throw myself into the seat. The car keeps moving, so I shut the door, and before I know it, we're speeding around my neighborhood.

"This isn't fair! What's going on? Is Bookman okay..?"

Cross has an expression that seems like a mixture of annoyance and entertainment, like he's enjoying the way I'm squirming under his trick. "Do you really believe that old coot would really bite the dust so soon? Heh. He's going to be gone for a long time, and I'm repaying some old debts for him," he tells me, still furious, but at least his face has returned to normal color.

My eye lands in my lap and I sigh. Leaning back in the seat, I scoff. "You took off before I could grab any clothes," I start to mumble, but I doubt he'll care. "How do you know Bookman? Or... owe him anything?"

Cross' eye seems to twitch. "Work." And that's the end of the conversation. I'm not all too worried about where we're going. If Bookman was dictating how all of this is setup, then I know I'm not going to be in too much danger. Even though, I don't know what it's going to be like when we get there. Am I going to be living with this joker? I don't know how long I'll survive that.

The rest of the ride was silent. Cross smoked some more, and he finished his, what I'm referring to as soda. We went through many exits, neighborhoods and through tunnels. Overall, the ride probably wasn't as long as it felt, but when we finally arrived, I was relieved. He pulled into another short driveway, not unlike mine, but the house was much different. It seemed almost run-down on the outside. The lawn was not very well taken care of, and it was grungy in general. It looked like the house was suppose to be a light green-ish grey, with a single white door signaling the entrance. Cross shut off the car, and turned towards me. "Out." I don't argue.

I leave the car, and it roars back to life behind me. When I turn to look, it was already slipping from the driveway. I roll my eye and walk to the door. Turning the door knob, the door doesn't swing open like it should have. Locked? But he didn't give me a...!

_Key..._ I sigh. Turning around, I slide my back down against the door. Just then, it opens unexpectedly. I fall back into the doorway and look up at who was letting me in. From this angle, it was hard to tell anything about him, except his clean white hair and blue-grey eyes. There was also something weird with his left eye, but I didn't think I was one to judge.

"Oh. You're here." He greets me with a fake smile, and I sit up, rubbing the back of my head. I glance up and see him staring at my eye-patch. I half-heartedly turn my head, so he's at least not looking _directly_ at it, and I shake off the feeling of his eyes.

He bends and offers me a hand getting up. "Ow..." I carefully take his wrist and he helps pull me up slightly less than graceful, but it suffices. "Uh, I guess. Where is _here _exactly..? That guy Cross-"

The white-haired guy gave a weak chuckle, but at least it's more realistic than his smile. "Yeah, Cross is an ass, but you get used to him. This is Raleigh, North Carolina."

I laugh at his response. _Hold on. Did he just get a _real_ laugh out of me? Already? I've got to stop this before it begins. But..._

"Um, anyway. He said he was to... Retrieve me? Any idea what he's talking about? Oh, I'm Lavi, by the way."

As I look over him better now that I'm standing, I see he's wearing normal teenager clothes, slightly close-fitting jeans (that I can't help but notice), a long sleeved shirt, seeing that it's still spring, but he's only wearing one glove; on his left hand. This strikes me a little odd, but maybe it's just the fashion around here? But, we're not too far from my house, well, my old house, and at least not across the country, so things shouldn't be that different. But this isn't Maine, so it's a possibility. Maybe I could ask him later?

The guy nods. He seems a lot younger than me, much younger, maybe about thirteen. That's five years younger than I am. It seems weird that I'm asking him for advice, but it is his house. "Yeah. He didn't tell me much. Just that we were going to have a guest for a little while. I'm Allen. Cross is usually busy being drunk so I'm usually home by myself." He tells me this with resentment. Like he hates that fact, but he doesn't seem to fond of Cross, so it's probably for the best that he's always gone anyways. But that means that it's Allen all by himself most of the time. That doesn't seem right.

"Oh, well, now it's just us all alone!" I wink at him, smirking, playing around, and he turns away. _Was that a blush? _He starts walking away, and waves me over. "C'mon. You don't really have a room yet, but we have a spare room if you have your own mattress and things." I can hear the nerves in his voice.

I'm suddenly embarrassed, knowing that _I_ made him blush...? What's that even suppose to mean? I decide to keep up messing with him anyway, and I smirk to myself, thinking of what might ensue.

"Oh, well I didn't bring anything. Your buddy Cross left without letting me grab anything. I might need to borrow some clothes, and I guess we'll have to sleep together." I might've heard Allen swallow. Are those his ears getting red? I smile to myself, knowing he won't turn around. _I wonder what he's thinking of._

He takes me down a hallway, which isn't very long or wide, and I see three doors. He points to the third. "That room's yours." Then the one in the middle, "And that's the bathroom." I nod to him, and glance pointedly at the first one that he didn't mention.

"Does that mean this one's yours?" I walk towards it, laying my hand on the fading, bronze colored handle and-

"N-no! Please, don't go in there."

"Hmm?" I look up at him, and I can barely recognize the panic in his eyes, but it's fading quickly, like he's trying to hide it.

"I mean... It's really messy, you might trip. And we wouldn't want that!" He laughs, light-heartedly, and his right hand shoots to rub his neck, nervous. I throw my hands up. "Okay, okay. I surrender. I guess it would be best if I didn't fall and smash up my super hot face."

I watch intently as Allen tries to roll his eyes and shake off the comment, but he blushes anyway as he turns away from me. "Just, please stay out of my room?"

I nod sincerely and he walks away, but I can't help one more glance at the door. _What's in there that he didn't want me to see so badly?_

**ooOIOoo**

_Damnit, Cross... Why do you have to be such an ass? Ugh..._

As soon as I opened the door I knew having this 'guest' wasn't going to be overly thrilling. Well, until he stood up. That sorta changed things. It made more difficult. Lavi was going to prove to be a huge pain in the neck. I was barely able to stop him from sneaking into my room!

I quickly lead him away and out into the living room. I didn't feel I had to introduce it, seeing the couch and the TV, but I felt like it anyway. "Living room... And the kitchen is through there," I tell Lavi, pointing to a large doorway without a door. I turn enough to see him nod, and he slowly moves towards the couch, like he's waiting for me to tell him not to. When I don't say anything, he sits down and props his hands behind his head, slouching back into the cusions. "I guess this is where you'll be staying. I don't think Cross will mind if you sleep on the couch. I don't have a car yet, but maybe once Cross is back we can take his and grab your stuff?"

Lavi's eye seems to go wide. He sits up, and leans his elbows on his knees. "How old are you?" He asks, not bothering to hide his astonishment. I toss him a fake smile. "I'm almost seventeen. Why? How old are you?" Lavi blinks, and he leans back again, and nods as if to say, 'not bad!'

"I'm a few months away from nineteen. But, by a few, I mean seven or eight. Too bad; that's still considered rape." Lavi beams at me, and I turn away quickly, knowing I won't be able to mask my concern and blush fast enough. _Why am I blushing at that? It's a joke! It's funny!_ Although I can't get rid of my thoughts quick enough. What?! He's hardly been here for a half an hour! I mentally face-palm. But he is fairly h-

"I'll be in the kitchen."

I hear him laugh, and he might have gotten up to follow me, but I'm not sure. I'm too preoccupied. I turn to the fridge and pull out two cans. I pass through the doorway back into the living room and-

How'd I get on the floor? And why does my ass hurt...? And why am I sticky...?

I look up and see Lavi staring down at me. I try my best to keep myself composed, "Oh, I'm sorry..! A-are you okay?"

I see his hand reach down to help me up and I take it, and when he pulls me on to my feet, he nearly tosses me through the roof. I gulp.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you if you're okay? You're the one who just took a spill...!"

Does he mean...? I look down at myself. Yes, literally. The cans of soda burst and almost all of the kitchen and my clothes are covered in it. I grunt to myself in frustration, then carefully dash over to get some paper towels to clean up the floor, but Lavi's voice stills me.

"Hey, you go get changed, I'll clean up. This is my house too, now, right?" He beams at me again, and once again I feel my face heat up. I swear he's doing this on purpose. Either way, I'm nervous. I'll be changing with practically a stranger in the house. How am I positive he won't barge in? I'm not as worried that he'll see me in my boxers, but instead...

"Oh, yeah. Sure, thanks." It feels like I just agreed away my soul. I march off to my room anyway. Once inside, I kick away whatever dirty clothes are in my way, and pick up some on the top. I give them a good sniff, and when they smell clean enough, I throw them on my bed. Meandering over, I'm pulling my shirt over my head when I hear Lavi again.

"Allen! Where are the extra paper towels?"

Walking to my door, I don't dare open it without a shirt on. Hopefully he can hear me through the wood.

"Underneath the sink!"

He must've, because I hear the cupboard creak open, and squeak shut. I nod in satisfaction, and pull on the 'clean' shirt I found. I change my jeans too, and notice the shirt I was wearing has a little tan stain. I gulp, and run to the bathroom. What I suspected was true; the coverup that Cross bought me as a gag gift one year, but actually came in handy once and a while, had smeared, and the deep red scar over my left eye was clearly visible. I sigh. Lavi would have to find out sooner or later.

Leaving my room, I wonder what he'll think, but then my thoughts stray to the fact that he has an entire eye-patch, not just a measly scar. Hopefully it won't bother him much, but myself, looking at the scar, am reminded of the day I got it; the day my father died.

"Allen! What happened to your eye?! Are you okay?"

Lavi shocks me out of my trance, and I suddenly remember where I am, and what I'm doing. I'm in the living room, and Lavi has his hands grasped firmly on my shoulders. I look up at him and remember what he's talking about.

"Oh, yeah. It's okay, it's not new. It's just a scar." I'm not too enthused about saying it. Not that I have anything against scars in particular, just the memories they bring.

"Oh..." Lavi takes his hands off my shoulders. Maybe he's surprised at how fresh it looks, like a new wound that hasn't even scabbed over yet, but has stopped bleeding. His hands settle at his sides, but neither of us moves. Slowly, I notice him raise his right hand, the one closest to my left side. Carefully, like he's worried he might scare me away, he brings his hand towards my face and gently moves the hair that has fallen in my face away from the scar, and his fingertips ghost across my forehead, and he stares at it well, taking in the appearance like he's never allowed to forget it. I can tell when his eye reaches the star, the pentagram-looking shape, because he takes a breath that I know was meant to be a gasp, but stopped a little late. "What-"

I know he was going to ask what had happened. He was going to pry and look for the story behind my scar, but right now, now that my thoughts are wandering away from Lavi and towards that dreaded day, I am having none of it. Before he can finish his sentence, I turn and walk back to my room. Before slamming the door behind me, I half-turn back towards him, hardly able to face him. "Thanks for cleaning up the kitchen."

The door doesn't slam, and instead I'm left sitting on my bed, in my messy room, the door shut and the lights off.

**ooOIOoo**

Allen just brushed me off, but it seemed more than that. He seemed scared, and worst of all sad. Why? How ever he got that scar, the incident must have caused him great pain, physical and mental. Would he talk to me about it? The way he ran off to his room like a beaten puppy told me no, but I wouldn't stop there. I had a new mission while I was stuck here; help Allen open up.

We'd be going to the same school, seeing that he was actually sixteen, and not twelve like I had thought. Maybe we might have some classes together, too. _I'm sure he'll love that,_ I joke to myself. He's probably going to hate me for what I'll be saying to him, but I think that's okay. _Now to decipher __what that blush meant..._

I realize I'm still standing where Allen left me, in the middle of the living room, still facing his door. I sigh when I look at that dull door knob again, but leave to sit on the couch.

I sit sideways, so f he does decide to come back out and join me (which he probably won't) I'll be able to see him. My leg is bent and I'm sitting on it, hoping it won't fall asleep. I look for a TV remote. The TV is small, and I can tell its old just by how chunky and heavy it looks. When there isn't a remote, I stand and hit the buttons with my finger. I don't care what comes on, just something to let Allen know I'm still here. I sit back down to watch paid programming.

_So Allen blushed at me, huh?_ Interesting. _Does that mean he's...?_ No, he can't be gay. He doesn't look the part, but then again, I'm still no one to judge. I look over myself. Nope. I guess he looks more gay than I do...

But if he's gay, then that means he has a crush on me..? I smirk at the idea. And he showed me his scar that he had originally hidden, but maybe that was by accident; that soda went everywhere and it could have washed it off. But then again, he didn't re-cover it.

I come to the conclusion that he wants to let me in, but something, like that pain in his eyes, is holding him back. I start to wonder how many friends he has at school...

By the time my thoughts have finished wandering, I look up and see almost three hours have passed, and Allen is still locked up his room. What's he been thinking about?

I stand and walk to his door. He must hear me, because the floorboards creak under my bare feet. I stand in front of the door, thinking about knocking.

Another tense ten minutes and my knuckles come down to rap on the wood. I cringe at the noise every time they do. It's extra loud in this silent house.

I don't hear anything at the other side of the door. "Allen?"

I don't dare open the door, but I continue in hope he's listening. "Allen, its late. If you want, I'll make lunch. But I can't promise it will be edible..."

I hear a small laugh, and know he's okay. Well, for the most part at least. I hear him stand and I yak a step away from the door. It swing open and Allen sneaks out. I smile at him, and he responds with a genuine smile of his own, making mine bigger.

"That's okay. I'll cook today, even though you're probably better than I am." He rubs his neck.

I can hear in his voice that he's calmed down, but he's still upset deep down somewhere. I wonder where, and if he'll let me reach there one day. I smirk to myself; _make more jokes._

I bow, "A woman's place is in the kitchen."

He doesn't blush (or he's getting better at subduing it), but he rolls his eyes and walks off to the kitchen, and I make sure we're a safe distance apart, as to not repeat this morning. He starts scrounging around the kitchen, in cupboards and the fridge, but there's hardly anything there.

"We have rice... Or... Bread crumbs. Take your pick," he jokes. I huff and its my turn to roll my eyes. He looks at me like he's thinking to suggest something, but thinks better of it. His sight returns to the practically empty refrigerator. "Hmm..."

"What?" I ask, when I hear him pondering something. He stands with something in his hand. I can't tell what it is, but it's red and floppy.

"Do you know how to work a grill?" Allen holds the thing to my face, and I assume its a steak. I push his hand down with mine, "Maybe we should go shopping..."

"Heh. Not a bad idea."

**ooOIOoo**

I close the fridge and take Lavi's advice. I have some extra food cash from a little while ago, but my savings are getting low. I fix my hair over my scar in my reflection in the fridge while he's not looking, and start off. But...

"The store isn't too far, but how'll we get back if we have groceries?"

I guess he hadn't thought that far. Or he was using it as bait for a trap. "I guess we'll have to go out somewhere," he says, and I slowly work my way up to panicking. He puts his finger to his chin, "I wonder if there's anyone around who'd like to go with me?"

I can't help but laugh, and swat at him. He's just joking. I really need to drop all of these insane thoughts about him. He wouldn't like me like that. He's straight or something. Either way, it's _me_ we're talking about here. I'd never be able to open up enough for any kind of friendship, and why would he want me to? I'm disgusting. He's just going to live down the hall for a short while, then this will be all over. Good.

I feel the skin under my only glove start to twitch, and I'm suddenly sick to my stomach. I walk out into the living room, hoping he can't see my expression. I sit down casually on the sofa and rest my elbows on my knees, hoping to make it go away, but I don't think the feeling is going anywhere soon.

Lavi follows me out, and I can't tell if he saw or not. I look up at him and he sits down on my left. "You coming?"

He elbows my arm just above the joint, and I stand up quickly, before either of know what happened. He looks somewhat surprised, but hides it quickly. I shake my head to cover it up, "No, I'm getting over a cold, and my stomach hurts," I lie.

He looks up at me. "Oh. Okay then." He tells me his phone has GPS, and he should be able to get there and back safely and without getting lost. I nod at him, and offer some money, but he declines. I nod again and sit back down as he stands. I can't shake the feeling that he's suspicious about me somehow. Lavi takes off, and I watch him walk down the sidewalk through the window.

Sighing, I pull off my left glove and yank up my sleeve, looking at the scar. There's a slightly darker patch, and I feel the breakfast I had before Lavi arrived resurface. After I compose myself, I look again. It's such an ugly red color, it's hard to believe its just a scar, and that the arm still functions. Lightly, I rake my fingertips over the skin, and it feels like leather. My fingernails are black on that hand, and I need to keep them short so they don't tear apart my glove. I make a mental note to take care of that later, and pull the sleeve down again. My glove goes in my pocket and I walk into the kitchen. I pour a glass of water and leave to clean my room.

It isn't a half hour before I hear the door open and close. I hurry and throw on my glove, tucking my sleeve into the thing before going out to greet Lavi. He has three paper bags in his hands and holds them out to me. I take one, confused, and lay the other on the coffee table in front of the couch that we use as a dining table when we're not in our rooms respectively.

I sit and Lavi's at my right this time. He must have noticed how I jumped earlier. This calms me down enough that my appetite starts coming back.

"I knew you would be hungry, so I got to-go. I didn't know what you'd like, so I got all of it," he beams. My eyes go wide, and he starts laughing almost hysterically. He shakes his head while he's laughing and chokes out, "Just kidding." But there is a lot of food here.

I open a bag and it's all french fries, almost to the brim. I grab a couple and shove them into my mouth, and I realize I'm _starving_. He laughs, taking a couple, and starts emptying out the other bags.

We eat, well, I eat most of the food, and we're laying on the couch, our hands on our stomachs.

"And I thought I could eat," Lavi announces.

I groan in response. "No dessert?"

He laughs, "No, and please don't eat me as a substitution." I laugh, noticing I've been getting more real around him. That's more unnerving to me than anything.

"Sorry about this morning."

I turn and see Lavi leaning back as usual, his vision plastered to his lap. I have a clean view of his good eye, and he doesn't look up at me.

"It-... It's okay. I just... I don't like talking about it."

I think he nods. "I know the feeling."

Is he talking about his own eye? I do sort of wonder about what happened, but I don't have the guts to ask. He probably won't tell me anyway, so I leave the topic alone.

I look up at the clock and its already five thirty in the evening. What can we do to pass the time...?

I stand up and flip on the tv, and sit back down at the foot of the couch, leaning on my arm over the arm of the couch. We sit for a while, simply watching tv in silence.

**ooOIOoo**

I'm almost dosing off when Allen shakes me by my knee. "Hey. We have school tomorrow," he tells me.

I haven't realized that I must have slouched and now I'm leaning over the arm of the couch. "Hmm..? Well, who's here to make sure we get there?"

Allen rolls his eyes and doesn't answer. Obviously, he is.

I get up, listening to my joints crack. "Well I'm sleeping here." I say, gesturing to the couch I'm on. He doesn't say anything, and heads towards his room.

"Night."

I look up at him as he disappears behind his door, and I suddenly feel lonely. I sigh and collect the accent pillows at the ends of the couch. I strip down to my boxers, folding my jeans, t-shirt and hoodie and set them on the coffee table. Stacking the pillows under my head, I hear Allen's door open, and he walks over and throws a blanket over the back of the sofa. He doesn't get close. "Thanks Allen. Sweet dreams." I check to make sure my eye-patch isn't loose before he lets loose a small laugh, and his door closes again, and I'm left to my dreams. Luckily, they weren't haunted by the past tonight.

* * *

**First chapter? I think so! Another chapter later? I'm not sure; maybe. I am having a lot of fun writing this. I just love how I plan to write something, and what is _actually_ typed up, doesn't even resemble what I plan out. But that's okay, because this is a lot better!**

**Most of this will be in Lavi's perspective, just because I love Lavi to the ends of the Earth, especially how I'm allowed to portray him in fanfics. xD Some will be in Allen's perspective, only in odd moments like this, and when you need to get his thoughts on things. Like Lavi. C;**

**Anyway, this is how it's going to work, if you haven't deciphered it yourself already. Something simply italics means it's thoughts, and whatever is in quotes is speech. Any paragraphs of only italics is a dream, or a flash back or something (will be specified at the time). This: "ooOIOoo" will signify a P.O.V. change, which won't be announced who's perspective it's in, but will be obvious by what's going on, unless someone asks me otherwise. **

**Anyway, review, crits, suggestions, whatever and HUGELY welcome, seeing as this is my first real fan-fiction (although not my first time writing, not by a long shot. C;)**


	2. Chapter 2

I wake up and slowly come to the realization that there's something laying across my face. I slowly sit up and stare at it. Before I look up from what I guess is a backpack in my lap, I check my eye-patch, making sure it's still firmly in place.

The blanket had fallen off of me during the night, leaving it caught on my foot. I catch a glimpse of Allen's white hair from inside the kitchen, and I notice I'm still just in my boxers. I smirk, and walk in towards him.

Once I'm in the door way and facing Allen, I give a great yawn and stretch out until my fists are caught on the molding. I can't see how he reacts, but when I'm finished, he's not looking at me. I chuckle, my voice a bit hoarse from sleep.

"I found you an old backpack of mine. You can use it, but you might want to get a new one; it probably has some holes in it."

I look back at the couch where I left it. _Oh. That's nice of him. Even after I've been busting his chops this whole time._

"Oh, thanks. You got any breakfast?" I waltz over to a counter and lean over, cocking one leg as I fiddle with my nails. "Oh yeah, we don't, do we?" I laugh, completely genuine. I had forgotten about our great food shortage. "Nevermind. I'll go get dressed." I glance at Allen, and see him staring, but that's fine with me.

Back out in the living room, I don't bother hiding while I get dressed. I throw my clothes on from yesterday and hold up the backpack to inspect it. Not too bad, I deem, and, even though it's empty, toss it over my shoulder.

Allen is out of the kitchen and nods at me, telling me to follow him out of the door. I can see that he his scar covered up again, but I don't say anything. Why doesn't he just loosen up? Either way, I'm on his heels, and we walk to the corner, waiting for his bus, I assume.

The silence is so awkward and so thick I could cut it with a knife. "So you're in eleventh grade?" I ask him, trying to end our suffering. He nods and turns to me. "Twelfth?" I nod this time.

_He's still wearing that glove._

I look across, trying not to be obvious, but I try and get an understanding of what he could be hiding. Probably _not_ an embarrassing manicure. Maybe he has a scar, or scars, and doesn't like people looking at them, but that didn't answer why he would only ever wear long-sleeved shirts. Could they really be that large? Or maybe it was something else. Like maybe he had lost the arm, and he doesn't want anyone to know. Honestly, he doesn't use it that often.

The bus came and left us to our thoughts. I stepped up first, and sat in one of the first seats and Allen sat far behind me. I held back a sigh and the rest of the bus ride was calm.

When we arrived at school, I headed to the principal's office. I told him my situation, as much as I could seeing that we don't really have a parent and/or guardian, and he called together the guidance councilors. They spent the next hour asking me about my plans after college and what classes I still needed to take. They throw together a new schedule for me and say it will be affective immediately.

I spend the rest of my day hanging around campus, mostly watching Allen from a distance.

I catch him at lunch, and sneak into a seat next to him.

He's sitting next to a girl who looks a bit older than him, probably only because he looks so young. She looks at me, confused. Allen smiles at her lightly and introduces us.

"Lavi, this is Lenalee. Lenalee, this is Lavi. He's staying with Cross and I for a bit."

She looks at me strange, and I wrap my arm around Allen's shoulders. "That's right. We're living together, so don't get any ideas, Sweetheart."

Allen scoots over and huffs at me, obviously trying hard to hide a smile and he swats my arm away. I laugh and see Lenalee glaring knives at me. I laugh at her, but she doesn't let up.

"Who do you think you are?"

The glee leaves my eyes, and my hands lock behind my head. "I'm your and Allen's new best friend!" She crosses her arms and huffs. I cup my hand around my mouth and whisper to Allen, "I don't think she likes me."

Allen smiles and tries not to laugh, looking over at Lenalee, who calms down, seeing his expression. She uncrosses her arms and lays them down on the table, before she gets up and joins the lunch line. I turn away from Allen by force of habit, so I can see what's going on to my right, and still see him on my left. He doesn't seem to mind it.

"I got my schedule this morning." I tell Allen, "I'll be starting officially tomorrow." He nods, and suddenly seems very solemn. I tilt my head at him, wondering if I said something wrong. He gets up and joins Lenalee in the lunch line.

I sigh. _What is going on with him? _I'm so confused as they return to the table. I steal something off his tray and stand, and head out of the cafeteria. I lean back against a wall away from everyone and prop my leg up on the wall. I'm not looking at anyone, but there's suddenly a girl at my left.

"Hey, have I seen you before?"

I keep the shock from entering my face and shake my head at her. "Nope. Say 'Hello' to the new kid," I say, giving a salute sort of wave and she smiles. "Well hello. Does this new kid have a name?" She looks at me seductively, and I pause. _Ugh, please make her go away. _"Lavi. And yourself?"

She smiles, showing her teeth, and it seemed more like she wanted to eat me than flirt. "Road Kamelot." She winks and I instinctively back away, putting my hand on the wall we're now both leaning on. "How about we meet up later this afternoon?"

I shake my head, finding my escape. "I'm busy tonight, sorry. And, I don't think it's a good time for me." _For a relationship, _I leave out. That would be too awkward for me, and I don't feel like losing an arm today. Or my other eye.

Road scoffs and twirls around, and her short skirt follows. She faces away from me and bows her head back to wink at me one more time. "Whenever your ready, good-looking."

She leaves and I do all that I can not to slump against the wall as I watch her walk away. The bell rings shortly after, and I leave the campus all together. Toying with my phone, I set the built-in GPS to my new house, and walk home.

ooOIOoo

_W-who is that Lavi's talking to?_

As Lenalee and I leave the lunchroom to wait for the bell to ring in the hall, I see Road circling Lavi like a hawk. Is she... flirting with him? I tell myself that it's okay. I've known Road for a while, and although we're not friends, I hear a lot about her. She's one of the most popular girls in the sophomore class. I shake off the feeling that it's giving me, seeing them together. Lenalee pokes me in the side and and turn and glare at her, but she laughs and brushes off my pointed look of steel.

"Are you okay? You've been acting weird today."

I shrug, "Yeah. My stomach's been acting up lately," I tell her. It's not _entirely_ a lie... She snakes after me, laughing like a little kid, "Ooohh, does someone have a crush? Is that why-"

"No! What? Ugh, c'mon Lenalee. I seriouslly think I'm coming down with something." Her accusation catches me off guard, but I hope I covered it up well enough. I certainly do not have a crush on a guy that I met hardly a day ago. That's crazy. Plus, he's straight...

_I can't get close to him..._

When the bell rings, we say our goodbyes and go to our separate classrooms, but I have a hard time focusing the rest of the day; it's my stomach again.

When school is finally over and I find my bus, I see Lavi is no where around. Maybe he can't find where the bus is parked? I tell myself to shrug it off and to stop being worried. He's just a room-mate, nothing more and nothing less. I have no obligations to care about him, but that doesn't stop me from do just that.

The bus stops where it always does and I walk home quietly, lost in my thoughts, mostly ones about Lav-

"Lavi? What are you doing here?" Only seconds into my walk home, Lavi appears in front of me, which I find curious. _Why can't he just leave me alone? _But the other half of my head can't be happier and more sad at the sametime.

"I wanted to get a feel for the neighborhood. Learn my way around, and I guess I was just in sync with the bus. Go figure."

Even though that's what he says, something in his eye makes me feel like he did this on purpose, but I shake it off as a trick of the light. "Oh. Well that's weird."

Lavi shrugs and assumes what I guess is his normal position; his hands wrapped around the back of his head, elbows in the air. He does it quite enough, not that I'm paying any extra attention.

As we walk home, I force myself to drift away from him until we're on totally different edges of the sidewalk. Either Lavi is letting me, or he doesn't notice, and I don't know which choice makes it easier on me. Probably the latter.

"So is that Lena person your girlfriend?"

Like this couldn't get more awkward.

I shake my head, staying casual and shrug. "She's a friend. I've known her since eighth grade, so I guess she'd be my best friend."

Lavi stops walking and his arms fall to his sides. "But-!" He's feigning tears, "I thought I was your..." sniff, "best friend?!" I turn back to look at him for a moment, only before rolling my eyes and dismissing him with a wave of my hand. "I've known you for a day. I think I'm better friends with Road than I am you."

_Oops._

Does he recognize the meaning behind that? Did he see me watching them earlier at lunch? I sure as hell hope not, but if he didn't, he probably understands now.

He catches up and returns to normal, "Road, huh? You know her?" I gulp, and nod, and he just seems to shrug. "I met her today. She's creepy, but not too ugly, if you know what I'm saying." He leans towards me, waggling his eyebrow, and I think I can see his other one moving from under his eye-patch, and it looks too funny _not_ to laugh at. I think he takes it the wrong way, because he leans back, exaggerated, like he's trying to take in all of what's just happened at once, and he looks me over, and I feel my face heat up, just like before. I turn away from him quickly to hide it but I know it's no use by now. He's seen it one to many times, and now he knows that I get crushes on straight guys that I have no chance with.

But I hear Lavi laugh, and I feel like all is well anyway. _No. This is terrible. This is worse-case scenario._ We get back to the house right about now, and we both enter. The door isn't locked, and we simply head towards the couch. Suddenly there's a green hoodie over my head and I swat it off, faking panic. More laughter and I toss it back at it's owner. I march into the kitchen, frustrated with myself, because if I loose sight of my intentions for even a moment, I fall right back into my feelings, instead of reality, and that's no good.

There's no food left from yesterday, and we don't have any food of our own, so I head back out to the living room empty handed. I sit down next to him, with him at my right side and me at his left, like it should be. With the back of my left hand, I wipe away the makeup over my scar. The skin rubs the inside of the glove and it irritates me to the point that I tuck my legs into my chest and I practically sit on it, hoping it will lose all feeling soon enough. Lavi gives me a strange look, but I act like I don't notice. He must buy it, because he looks away like nothing happened.

"So, Road?" I ask him, against my better judgment. He smirks at me, "Yeah. Isn't she a hottie?" My face becomes shriveled with disagreement, and he laughs at me. "I know. She freaks me out. Like if she asks me on a date, I might become the main course." We both laugh, but my mind is stuck on the idea that they might date, and it doesn't reach my eyes. Sure, it was suppose to be a passing remark, a joke, but I can't get rid of that image in my head.

"You should get to know her. She's pretty popular." I turn towards him, and he raises his eyebrow at me, like I couldn't be more insane by suggesting that. "I really rather not. I'd like to keep this eye, thank you."

We face forward again, glance at the TV, and then towards each other.

"It's your turn," we both shout. "Nuh-huh, it's your turn," again, at the same time. "Rock, Paper, Scissors?" This time settles the deal.

We both play scissors, trying to anticipate each other's move. Next round, and my rock beats his paper. I smile triumphantly as he stands and flicks on the television. He sits back down at the end of the sofa, and kicks me, but I'm laughing. Maybe at how weak it was? He must have not been trying, or else that would have been sad.

What comes on after is so boring, we both fall asleep.

ooOIOoo

_I'm in my old house, and everything seems normal, except the fact that Allen is there. He's sitting on the couch when I walk in, which faces away from the door. He hears me enter and is immediately standing and is briskly walking to my side. He touches my face, on my right eye and instead of getting tripped up with my eye-patch, I feel him under it; my eye-patch missing. I jerk my head back from him, and he cocks his head; looking worried. "Don't be acting like me, now."_

I wake up and Allen seems to have dosed off too. And Cross is standing over us, watching in amusement as I struggle and panic to get our legs untangled without waking Allen.

Cross puts his hands on his waist and bellows in haughty laughter. I glare at him and he walks away. _He's not dunk, is he?_

I finally get out from under Allen, but his legs are on top of my lap. I stand and move around them. Cross is already in the kitchen, and I follow him. "There isn't any food in here, if that's what you're lo-"

"Wake up Brat Number One and go get some." He's straining his last few words, like he doesn't want to say them, but does against his better judgment. He's dangling his keys in my face.

_Is he really trusting me with his car? Even after yesterday?_

I don't argue. Slowly, I'm reaching up to grab his keys, just in case he changes his mind. Getting impatient, he throws them at my chest, and catch them before they slide down all the way to the floor. I click my tongue aiming a finger gun at him. "Thanks, Cross." It's dripping with sarcasm.

I leave the kitchen to see Allen waking up. He's trying to flatten his bed head, and I stare at him, one eyebrow cocked and grinning like a predator. He lowers his hand and turns away from me, glaring. My expression changes to one of confusion and worry. "Cross gave us his car keys to go shopping."

He looks back up at me, but I'm not satisfied with the reaction I'm earning, but I won't give up.

I dangle the keys as proof and he stands to walk out of the door. I follow him. "I wanna drive!"

I practically push Allen away teasingly to get to the driver's side door, but he doesn't pitch a fit about it, and moves to the other side of the car.

We get in and we're overwhelmed by the scent of smoke, liquor and... What is that?

I don't want to think any further into it and start the car. "Do you even know where we're going?"

I turn to Allen beside me and nod, "What do you think I've been doing all day? It certainly wasn't schoolwork."

He looks somewhat shocked, "You walked all the way to the store?" I nod enthusiastically. "Hmm."

I start up the car and back out, pausing to watch for traffic. "So how was your day, hunney?" I turn to smirk at Allen, and I'm satisfied he's blushing again, and he stares out the window like usual.

"You don't really like Road?"

We take off down the street and he's still staring at the scenery. At first I sense some awkwardness in the question, then I start to understand.

I shake my head, then remember he's not looking. I keep swinging my head around constantly to watch for traffic and pedestrians.

"Not really. And you're not friends?"

"No. I don't like a lot of people."

I glance at him and he looks like he's upset with the unfinished sentence. I keep pushing buttons, "Like who?"

I hear him mumble something under his breath, but I can't tell what it is. "Daisya. Kanda. He thinks I'm short, but he's barely taller than I am."

I laugh unexpectedly at the seemingly random addition.

"Well, you are kinda short..."

"No! Everyone else is just a bit taller." He crosses his arms, "I'm average height."

We pass the supermarket and Allen sounds like he's going to choke. "I need to stop somewhere else first." I look over and he seems increasingly worried. "Relax, it's not like I'm getting you into trouble. Maybe a bit from Cross, but we can handle him."

I watch him slump into the seat in defeat and I snicker at him. Sitting back up, I hear him murmur this time; "This is going to be a long ride."

Only a few miles out of town, I try and strike up some conversation. "So, what's your past like?" I look over and he starts to look nauseous. "Give me the short story. Just the gist," I include, hoping he'll be okay. I don't want him throwing up in the car, and I doubt Cross does either.

"I never met my parents. I grew up in a home, then got adopted. He..." Allen pauses and I glance over, hoping to reassure him, "He died, and his old friend Cross took me in. And that's how it's been almost all my life; me and Cross."

I looks over and I hurry up and pretend to cry. "I am so..." Sob, " Sorry..!"

He smacks my arm, not appreciating the joke.

"My parents were taken from me, more or less, and I lived with a friend of the family. Bookman, everyone calls him. I'm not sure why, though." I don't let him know that 'Bookman' is actually my grandfather on my dad's side. When I moved in with him, he told me straight up that no one was allowed to know that we're related in any way. I'm not sure who's safety that's protecting, but I've kept that promise anyway, seeing my parents', um, line of work.

I feel Allen looking at me. I look over and he's staring at my eye-patch, like he wants to ask about it. I look away, hoping that's enough for him to drop the idea.

"If I tell you about my eye, will you tell me about yours," he offers.

He's taken a great step forward. I'm surprised that he would offer that. On how he reacted yesterday, I'm very surprised. Although I feel that if I agree, he's going to be withholding the main things I want to know about it. And besides, I can't tell him about mine anyway. It would tell him too much about my situation, and my family. And that can't happen. Plus its not exactly a painless subject. Unless, on the off chance that his scar's history is thousands of times worse than mine is, I can't spill. And I doubt it is.

Shaking my head, I reply. "I can't."

Allen seems to understand, but I'm not sure. He gazes down into his lap. I take a turn a little bit faster than necessary and he goes to catch himself. "Sorry," I admit.

That was the high point of the drive. We chat a bit about our hobbies, likes and dislikes, and we rant about school. Apparently, Allen has a knack for drawing, but doesn't like other people seeing, and I let him know about my talent for guitar. It's nothing special, but he still seems impressed. Luckily, neither of us are big on sports, and we have the same taste in music.

When we arrive at my destination, that Allen didn't even know about, he face palms.

After cutting the engine, I climb out. "Welcome to my humble abode." Allen doesn't even want to get out of the car.

I'm honestly excited about showing him my house, along with grabbing some clothes and other belongings, but I walk in the front door and find the place ransacked.


	3. Chapter 3

I step into the house after Lavi and I pause. The couch is flipped and torn open, doors are almost off the hinges and there is other trash thrown everywhere. I'm shocked; Lavi's home is in ruins. I watch him fall to his knees and bury his face in his hands. Is he thinking about that man he lived with? What was his name, Bookman? How much did Lavi care about him?

I kneel next to him, laying my hand on his shoulder. I'm on his right side, so he stands to look at me. His face is contorted in worry and something that resembles pain. He tried giving a weak smile, almost thanking me for my attempt to cheer him up, but it never reaches his eye.

"I'm sorry, Lavi. Can I help you grab some stuff?" His gaze falls upon his shoes and I take that as a 'no,' but I'm going to anyway. Lavi walks around the house, surveying the damage, and I guess trying to figure out whether Bookman was here while it happened. He doesn't say anything, but then moves to his room, I'm assuming. I follow, staying a few steps behind him in case I'm wrong, but he enters a room and I hear clothes rustling, and I enter after him.

His room is messier than mine, and that might just be because of the situation, but it looks like an organized chaos, because he sits and picks up things without even looking, and stacks them on his bed. A desk is pushed up against the window on the opposite wall and in the corner beside it sits an acoustic guitar. I don't want him to leave it, even if he thinks he's mediocre. Honestly, I'm surprised whoever did this left it in one piece. I carefully step around the things littering the floor, and pick it up. He starts to protest, but leaves it alone, and I go and drop it in the backseat and return to his room. I pick up what he has already stacked on the bed and cart that to the car, too. When we've gotten most of his stuff, I stand in his doorway, "Did you want to bring the mattress?"

Lavi shakes his head, "Maybe another day." I'm surprised when he doesn't make a joke about how he like sleeping on the couch, or greeting me in his boxers. He must be really shaken up.

I nod and I offer him a hand up, which he accepts and we grab the rest of his clothes and we head back out to the car. I make him sit in the passenger's side while I drive home, but I make sure he stays away to give me directions, because he seems to know this route well.

"I'm sure Bookman is okay," I begin once we set off. He just nods and leans his forehead against the window. I can tell he's extremely upset about this, but I hope he's not hung up on it too much. I don't want to be there to try and cheer him up,even if that's probably what it will come to. It's not that I don't want to be his friend, or him be mine, but I don't know how.

I've started to accept the fact that I have a crush on Lavi, but he can't ever know. I can't further this any longer. I'd be awful for him, plus it would hurt both of us.

The rest of the drive is silent.

We get back and I help carry most of Lavi's things into the house, plus his guitar that he didn't want me to bring. As we're unloading, I see that it's already eleven o'clock and we have school tomorrow; good thing it's going to be Friday.

We're too tired to put all Lavi's stuff away, so it sits on the coffee table all night. I head to my room and Lavi changes into pajamas. I hide away in my room and change also. I'm too tired to worry about anything, _anything_ related, and I go right to sleep.

_We're at school, and its overcrowded today. There are people everywhere, but that how school is. Except I'm the only guy in a mile radius. I look up at the tall ceiling, and suddenly I see Lavi, and he's ten feet tall in the middle of the mob._

_I start running for him, but I don't know why. He glances in my direction, his hair swinging in his face. Smiling, I run faster. This place is giving me the creeps, and I want to get out. Once I get close to the giant Lavi, he turns and points at me, clutching his stomach. I look down, and I'm shirtless, and everyone is staring at my mangled arm. I hold back tears and vomit as I turn and run, but the room goes on forever, and whenever I get to the end, it sucks me out and spits me back out at the beginning._

I wake up in a cold sweat, which isn't entirely unfamiliar. I rub the sweat off my left arm first, hoping maybe it would take the scar with it. Or even the whole arm. I change, putting on decent clothes (long sleeve of course) and my glove, and leave to wake up Lavi.

Stepping out into the living room, I see he's already awake, sitting hunched over on the couch, and Cross is gone already. I walk over to him, but he doesn't look up. I look at him, and I can picture his face perfectly, giving me that horrible expression that I can hardly bear. If it wasn't set in stone before, it is now. I can't ever let him see my arm.

Lowering my head in a type of nod, I grab my backpack and turn leave. Seeing him like that puts my problem into perspective; his nightmare became a reality last night. I want to tell Lavi it will be alright, and that he and Bookman will be okay, at least in the long run, but I can't. I can't bring myself to say anything. Who am I to know if Bookman is safe? Or to correct whatever else he's thinking of?

After my nightmare last night, I'm considering staying home too. I don't want to face the world, and going to school would only remind me of so many awful thing, and how dream-Lavi reacted... At first I didn't want to even look at him and how he's acting..

Before I leave I grab his shoulder encouragingly, and he glances up finally. "You don't think you're leaving without me, do you?" His words lack the usual potency and the snide look never reaches his eyes, but I assume that it's still a stepping stone.

"You might want to get dressed then," I say, looking him up and down, not only to accent the joke. He gives a small laugh (another step) and grabs a clean pair of boxers, jeans and a shirt, then runs away to the bathroom. He comes out a minute or two later fully dressed. He grabs his backpack and we head out.

When we get to the school, our first periods are in separate directions, so we split.

In first, Lenalee and I get talking.

"Lavi's not doing well today, so play nice today?"

She glares at me, but then softens. "What'd mean? Is he sick?" I shake my head, "We went to his house yesterday to get some stuff and his house was torn apart." Lenalee's eyes go wide and her hand moves to cover her gasp. I nod solemnly and her eyes fall to the desk.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll be nice, because he's your friend, not because I like him..." I look away from face. Something about her choice of words worries me. Simply the fact of someone else acknowledging the fact we're friends is new; I don't get many friends, nor would I really like many. If any one finds out about my arm, and relationships go sour, who's to say they won't say anything about it? I've known Lenalee since junior high and she still doesn't know my entire past. She knows about my arm, but not

Second is Pre-Calc, which Lavi and I share, since I'm ahead in math. There's an empty seat next to me like in all my other classes, and Lavi calmly slips into it. He crosses his hands on the desk, interlocking his fingers. I stare at them for a moment, failing to acknowledge any thoughts I have, and don't want.

The teacher, an old man with a mustache resembling a broom, lays down a book in front of Lavi and tells him he's free to take it home, as long as it finds its way back to the school by the end of the year. My friend nods and class starts.

During class, Lavi gets in trouble for talking six times, and myself two. I'm glad he's feeling better about last night, but it seems like he's putting those emotions temporarily aside.

History class is boring as we learn about the divide between Hindu India and Muslim Pakistan. I'm glad we have lunch next.

Walking through the halls, I meet up with Lenalee and we walk to the cafeteria. I ask her to go ahead and save me a seat, while I detour to my locker. I see Lavi, and start jogging to catch up. When I follow him around a corner, I stop. A crowd of girls is preening over him. I can hear them saying things like, "You poor thing," and, "Let me cheer you up," with suggestive tones that I don't like, and I have to pass them to get to my locker.

My dream flashes in my head and I don't think I can make the journey. I double check my glove, making sure its securely in place and pull my sleeve far over it. Lavi seems like half of him is enjoying the overwhelming attention, but his other half knows he's having a bad day, and won't let him. I should leave him alone and let him rake it in, but I feel an odd ping of jealousy, and I just want to run in there and shoo all of those girls away, but I know I'm not brave enough. I lower my gaze, but one more glance gives me the courage to pass the crowd, and maybe help, if Lavi needs it. Probably.

I pass the crowd, giving Lavi a look that more or less asks, 'need some help?' I see him reach up and fiddle with the strings of his eye-patch, and a girl dives for it. Neither of us are sure of her intentions. I step forward, almost blocking her trajectory and she stops, purely out of surprise. When the girls see me, they start backing away, looking me over almost with disgust in their eyes, but unfortunately, I'm used to it. Lavi glares at the retreating girls, and he looks like he wants to say something but doesn't. I ignore the feeling and walk the few steps to my locker, and start piling in my books.

Lavi comes up next to me and leans back on his elbows. He lets loose a sigh of relief, "Thanks... I thought I wasn't going to get out of there alive." He snickers and I laugh back. He's almost back to his old self, but not quite. He's really going to like all these girls hanging over him when he's feeling happier, and that thought only makes me feel worse.

"C'mon, let's go to lunch."

We walk together in awkward silence, and when we get to the lunchroom, we find Lenalee, who already has her lunch. We both integrate ourselves into the line and return with same ol'-same ol' school food. When the conversation dies down, I turn to Lenalee.

"Did you know Lavi plays guitar?"

She glances at me, at Lavi, then back at me, like she doesn't approve of the fact that I know this. I know how she feels.

"Really? Well maybe we could start a band," she jokes, and Lavi looks at her like it was the lamest thing he's ever heard.

"That's ridiculous," he says, "Unless one of you can play drums." We both shakes our heads.

Right about then, Kanda walks up and sits besides Lenalee. Her and Kanda are friends, sort of, and sometimes he sits with us at lunch. He doesn't care for me, and we're always fighting. Maybe Lavi will back me up. "Short Stack, who's your new friend?"

I glare at him, "I'm not that short..!" Lavi and Lenalee both laugh, and I only get more defensive, crossing my arms, "At least I don't carry around a sword with a nickname!"

Lavi starts leaning back, laughing. When he resurfaces, I can tell he can't help but ask, "You have a sword?! With a name! Ponytail, you are one weird dude."

Kanda stands, and he looks like he wants to reach for his sword named Mugen, but he isn't allowed to bring it to school. Instead, he waves his fist in Lavi's face, and Lavi just stands and lowers his hand with his own, then slaps his bangs with his other.

"That's it!"

Kanda stands and runs around the table. Lavi starts circling, but starts getting bored, plus he has a hard time seeing him, so he takes off down the hallway, Kanda right on his tail. I move to stand, but Lenalee grabs my wrist. "It's okay, Kanda won't _actually_ hurt him. Besides, I think Lavi's having fun." As they run past the doors to the cafeteria, I see she's right. Lavi runs past beaming like usual, even if Kanda is threatening to, "... Rip out your ears and shove them down your throat!"

I gulp, and look back at my friend, and she smiles gently and shakes her head.

Suddenly, Lavi is back and using Lenalee as a human shield. "Help! I don't think he'll hit a girl!" She tries to swat him off, but he's persistent, sticking to her back no matter which way she turns. After a moment, she gives up and Kanda's there, approaching us with murder in his eyes.

Lenalee puts her hands up to stop him, and he huffs and crosses his arms.

"Kanda, just eat your lunch."

I'm surprised as he does almost exactly what she tells him. He glares up at Lavi one more time before scarfing down everything on his tray. He's dead silent the rest of lunch.

The rest of the school day is a blur of facts and busy work, and when I climb the stairs of the bus, Lavi is already there, and when he sees me, he pats the space next to him, winking at me. I've gotten used to his antics, but that doesn't mean it stops me from blushing. Or daydreaming.

I knock that thought aside and sit next to him, and he complains about Kanda the rest of the way home. "He calls me a rabbit, and I don't even know why," he tells me, and I laugh and shrug; I don't know how Kanda's mind works.

**ooOIOoo**

We get home, and I'm still ranting about Kanda, but Allen seems to have zoned out. I run to the door first, and swing it open. Cross is still missing, but that's not a surprise. I flop down onto the couch and stare at my pile of junk. Allen sits down besides me, moving my feet so he doesn't sit on them. "You know, we should probably put my room together right about now."

Allen glances over to me and lets out a small laugh, "Yeah, I guess." He stands up without bothering to go around my legs, and it tosses me into a siting position. I follow him up and into the third room down the hallway. He lays his hand on the door knob, and before he pushes the door open, he turns to me, "Keep in mind," he tells me, "We haven't gone into this room in a-"

The door swings open, but it's soon caught on something, and it doesn't open any farther. The room is full of spare crap.

"...-while..."

Both of our expressions fall. The room is a mess, barely any space to walk in. I let my forehead fall against the door frame and I sigh in exasperation. This is going to be an awful experience, if we ever figure out where to start.

Allen rubs his neck, and he also looks like he doesn't know what to do, but he tries anyway, "Well, let's get on it!"

He jumps in, stepping over and on top of things. I lift up my head to watch him dance through the room, hoping from one clean spot to another. He looks graceful, yet hilarious, and soon I'm grabbing at my stomach I'm laughing so hard, but I keep it silent, waiting for Allen to turn around.

"Maybe if we lay it in the stre- Hey! Stop laughing at me!"

That's the last straw, and I'm on my back on the floor with laughter. I'm rolling around and suddenly Allen is standing over me, his arms crossed, and he's glaring. I manage to sit up, but I'm still laughing. Using to wall, I'm finally standing again, and as soon as I am, Allen's hand is around my wrist and he's dragging me into the disaster room.

My first step in and I fall over an old table, and now Allen's laughing at me. I stand up and rub where my hips were pressed against the wood. My friend snorts and turn away. I looks over all the junk, "If we put some of this stuff on the street, maybe someone will take it, or throw it away or something." I straighten and walk to the back of the room. "Well, let's start moving then..." Together, we start pushing the crap towards the door. Once it's as far as it will go, we walk back and start pulling items out one by one.

We find tables, chairs, bookcases (one that I keep in my new room), a TV (which I also keep), a boat load of strange comic books, sheet music (that too, stays), and foul-smelling blankets. Once the room is clear, we turn to each other and give a satisfied nod.

"Do you think Cross will mind if I bring the couch in here?"

Allen laughs and he looks at me, and shakes his head. "Uh, I think he will." I slump and fake being distraught, and we walk out into the living room. And our eyes go wide when we realize that room looks no better than mine had.

"Well! At least it's closer to the front door!"

Allen glances at my remark, and he looks like he's about to fall over. I walk over to the junk closest to the door, and pick up an end, gesturing with my eye for him to grab the other. "C'mon! We're almost done." He does, and we waddle to the front door. One after another, the furniture is outside. Eventually everything is out on the sidewalk, and out of our hair, which is now pretty sweaty.

Walking back inside, Allen is the first to fall onto the couch, exhausted. I fall on top of him on my stomach and hear him grunt. "Ugh, Lavi!"

"Aww, man. You're so comfy...! Can I fall asleep here?"

"What?! No!"

I pretend to snore.

He's laughing, but he's probably not having as much fun here as I am. He starts squirming, and I'm laughing, but the fun is soon ended when he's suddenly deadly still, and I slowly realize why. I'm hard, and pushing right into his back.

I move off him quickly, and run into the kitchen, shouting, "I'm going to something to drink..!" I go through the doorway and open the fridge, half-heartedly looking for a can of _anything. _When I come back out empty handed and my hand rubbing at my neck, Allen's gone. I sigh and slap myself hard. Looking at the clock, it's already eight-thirty. I decide that it's late enough, and change into my pajama pants, and pull off my shirt. The blanket I've been using is folded at the end of the sofa, so I grab it and try my best to fall asleep.

* * *

**Things are finally getting fun! It seems like chapters keep getting shorter and shorter. :/ I'm trying to fix that. I'm going to be MIA the next few days, so I don't know when I can update next. I might be able to get up one more chapter, or, at least start it before I'm away.  
**

**I do not own D. Grey-Man or any of it's characters.  
**


	4. Chapter 4

My mind goes blank as I run back into my room. I fall onto my chest onto my bed and my face sinks into my pillow. I can hardly form any legitimate thoughts as I slam my door with my foot and stare into my pillow, trying to clear up my mind and comprehend what just happened.

_He- And I- Oh my- Shit...!_

I grind my teeth. Sighing, I push myself into a sitting position and take off my glove, then proceed to rub my temples, sitting cross legged. The cool skin of my scared hand feels good against my head, and I'm still working to form proper thoughts. I let the air in my lungs hiss through my teeth and I lean back against the wall that my bed sits up against. Trying to think, I decide to reach under my bed and fish out my sketch pad.

Plenty of ill-formed shaped circles and crude lines later, I think I'm finally clearing my head, and I can finally return to my problems with Lavi.

Now, this changes everything. There's a voice in my head that wants to do something about this new situation, to maybe talk to Lavi, or make some kind of move. Another piece keeps telling me this is a fluke, and accident, and wants to pretend like it never happened. To run away and ignore everything. Guess which piece is stronger...?

I lie down, but I have a hard time falling asleep that night. I'm to busy thinking, okay, fantasizing, about Lavi, and what any of this means.

_But... He's straight_, Logic yells.

_Obviously not_, something back in my mind says, but I do my best to ignore it. It's wrong.

Even though I'm laying down, my palm still finds my forehead with ease. In all honesty, I'm more worried about Lavi. At first he ran off, but I didn't stick around to find out after that. What does he think of me, knowing that I ran away faster than he did?

Although, this still doesn't mean he likes me, even if it does justify that he's (I gulp) gay. _This can't be happening... I'm going to have to stay away from him for a while, until my head is back in line._

Somehow, I manage to fall asleep, and thankfully I don't dream. I can only imagine what that would haven been like.

But, unfortunately, I wake up to Lavi knocking at my door.

_Damnit! Why is this happening to me..!?_

"Allen, we're gonna be late for school." That's all he says before I hear his footsteps recede on the hard floor. I get dressed, slip on my glove and step out, then run to the bathroom, figuring to cover up my scar. Why not? It's going to be a rough day, and it's one less thing to think about. Grabbing my backpack, we both leave at the same time, but he doesn't say anything when I hang back several feet . I don't sit next to him on the bus, and ignore him until the bell rings for first hour.

**ooOIOoo**

I get to school, and I'm concerned that Allen is ignoring me. I hate that this happened this way. It wasn't like I planned it, but it was most unfortunate. I don't know what to do. I feel like I should talk to him, but something's telling me I should wait for him to take the first step. _Maybe I should talk to Lenalee... Yeah, that's a good idea._

I find Lenalee wandering the school before the bell rings. I chase after her, and finally manage to catch up to her. "Lavi? Something wrong?"

Even though she doesn't like me, the concern in her voice is genuine, and her eyes look sad. I can't help but think that she'll be a great mother someday. Or a nurse.

I'm staring at her, and my hand goes around my elbow nervously. She cocks her head and my gaze drops. Simply the fact that she is genuinely interested makes it so much harder to come out with.

"Lenalee, something terrible has happened..." I might be sugar-coating the situation a little, but it's a necessary means of relieving stress.

She looks at me, seemingly wondering if it involved Allen and whether or not he was hurt. When I don't continue, she crosses her arms and shifts her weight back. "If this is some sort of trick..."

I shake my head, "No, no it's not... Unfortunately..." I heave a large sigh, "I'm-"

"Gay? And have a crush on Allen?"

Now I'm shocked. I didn't know it was that obvious. Was it that obvious? Or did I simply not stand a chance before her extreme powers of perception? I look at her, eye wide.

She nods and brushes her hair out of her face, "That's what I thought. It's not that hard to figure out. Oh, and he gets mad when he sees you with other girls; you might wanna cut that out."

My expression hasn't changed.

"Well, what _terrible thing_ happened?"

It gets caught in my throat. They're really aren't any appropriate ways of phrasing this. "Well, we were just playing around, and..."

"And..?"

Painstakingly, I tell her. It's a long, awkward process, in which she tries hard not to laugh on several occasions.

"You did what?!" She blurts it out, laughing before, after and during her sentence. My head falls into my hands and she lays a hand on my shoulder, throwing her head back in laughter. I think it's more to steady herself than to comfort me. She finally takes a deep breath and sighs, "Lavi, I don't know what to tell you."

"Well now Allen's ignoring me..."

She looks at me, he concerned eyes back in place. "Oh. That's bad."

"Yeah. I made a mistake, and he won't even let me correct it..." She gives my shoulder a squeeze that I eye suspiciously, then she lets her hand drop, "I'll talk to him, but with Allen, you gotta wait until he comes back to _you_, or else you're just gonna get a fight. Trust me; I've known him long enough..."

She mumbles the last part, and I wonder if they weren't always the best of friends. I mentally shrug it off, and I nod. "Yeah, okay. Thanks..."

I turn and start to walk away and Lenalee giggles, and I suddenly remember something that I want to be angry about.

"And the girls find me! Doesn't mean I want them there..."

**ooOIOoo**

I'm the first in classroom, and Lenalee takes a seat next to me as always. Should I tell her? Maybe Lavi doesn't want anyone knowing, but I need help right now.

"Morning, Al-"

"I think Lavi's gay..." The sentence is out before I have the sense to cover my mouth. My eyes fall onto the desk, and I feel Lenalee wrap an arm around my shoulder. _What-_

I look up and she's giving me a very mild expression, and I'm confused. "It's too bad you had to find out that way."

I want to glare at her, but I'm not sure how. "You... You _knew?"_ I feel almost betrayed. Why wouldn't she tell me? Unless Lavi didn't want her to. Why wouldn't he want her to? Why wouldn't he want me to know?

Lenalee shakes her head. "You're thinking about this all wrong." I only look at her more confused. "He came to me this morning and told me what happened. He was worried because you were ignoring him. Allen, that's rude, ignoring people." She crosses her arms, and somehow this cheers me up. "I would be appalled only if I didn't know that man who practically raised you," she says, referring to Cross. He is awful when it comes to manners.

The teacher starts passing out worksheets and we both thank her, and she continues by.

I shake my head and let it fall into my hands. "What do I do, Lenalee," I ask, dropping the fact that she knew and didn't tell me. I'll worry about that later. Right now, I need to know what to do _now. _

Lenalee cocks her head, like she's pondering an idea. "Well, I can tell you like him, don't you?"

I sigh, "Is it that obvious?" She nods and continues, "Well why don't you let him in?"

My sight jumps back to her. I'm shocked that she would suggest that in the first place. She knows how I am! Whether I'm try to or not, I block out everyone. The world, people, everything; I'm not an open kinda guy. And Lavi?! Who I have a crush on? And I've only know for four days? And, I guess has a crush on me...?

My expression softens when I realize something. Even though she never told me blatantly, she did imply a very important piece of information. "So... He likes me too...?" I'm practically whispering, like talking any louder might shatter this reality, but do I really want it to stay whole?

Lenalee starts to smile, then scoffs. "Duh!"

The teacher shushes at Lenalee, who apologizes, and starts searching her bag for a pen, masking her embarrassment, but she still watches me.

I look away from her, not wanting her to see the smile that's beginning to form. He does? She acted like it was obvious to everyone else but me. I look back at her, as if to ask, 'Are you sure?' She nods, and I'm suddenly frowning. She picks up an eyebrow. "I can't. I just... Can't. I've known you for, I can't even remember how long, and I can't-..." I don't finish it, but she understands that I'm talking about my arm; that extra, mangled piece of flesh that even it's owner can't stand to look at, or touch, or think about... We have known each other for what seems like forever, and even _she_ doesn't know the full story of my arm, and why it disgusts me so much, only because I can't bring myself to tell her.

I tear myself out of those thoughts before I get the opportunity to break down. Lenalee seems to notice my internal struggle, and pokes me in the arm, hard. I glance up at her, and sigh. "I think you should try. He'll understand. He_ is_ **_missing_** an eye, you know. And you don't know what happened there, but he's still willing to let you in, is he not?"

I sigh again. She's right, like usual. "But that's easier said than done..."

"Start small," she says. "Tell him about that scar. Not the big points, but enough that he knows you're not going to back down." I nod and reach in my backpack for a pencil.

The rest of the class is chit-chat and help on the English worksheet about word parts.

When we get out, Lenalee gives me a reassuring look and I walk to Algebra.

I can see Lavi inside from the doorway, and I'm hesitant about going in. He's talking to some of his friends that sit a few tables away from us, but he keeps my seat empty of girls who keep trying to get closer to him.

I finally swallow my fears and walk in and sit next to Lavi just as the teacher starts to talk. He looks over at me, and when I don't glance back, he starts looking very solemn. When the teacher is finished and has given us our assignment, we start to work in quiet. He doesn't say anything, and once I finally get up the courage, I turn to my friend.

"Hey, um... I'm sorry."

Lavi looks up, but doesn't seem too enthused. "I'm sorry too."

I raise any eyebrow. "You're sorry? For what?"

He looks at me like I'm kidding. "I ran first."

"I ran faster. And I ignored you today. I shouldn't have." I look away from him and I can see him soften out of the corner of my eye. Again, he looks like he wants to make some kind of move, say something. He settles into his chair and starts working back on his paper. "Did... Did Lenalee... Talk to you?"

I look up at him. I don't particularly want to talk about this either, but something in my head thinks I should, and kind of wants to.

"Yeah," I tell him quietly. He glances up at me with a goofy smile that resembles one I was probably wearing when I was talking with the girl earlier. Lavi looks away triumphantly. Suddenly math is much more interesting and I'm studying my paper. I want to mention that I want to talk to him about my eye, but I don't want to at school, so I wait to bring it up.

The rest of class, we talk and help each other with our math. We separate and I sleep-learn through history, and I can't stop thinking about Lavi, and what I'm going to do.

**ooOIOoo**

As I leave for my next class and Allen goes his separate way, I'm secretly triumphant. Now that I have Lenalee on board, not only can I help get Allen over his loner complex, maybe I can get closer to him. Good closer; not like last night. That was just plain awkward, and it made me feel like a pedophile.

When third hour ends, I meet Lenalee, Allen and now Kanda has become a regular. Does he have a crush on Lenalee? I laugh,_ Nah. Kanda doesn't have any other feelings besides rage.  
_

I sit between Kanda and Allen, beaming at Kanda, who growls and turns away. I laugh and pull something off his plate, and he growls and moves to the other side of Lenalee. "Stay off of my plate, fucking Rabbit."

I laugh, still not understanding why he calls me that. I mentally shrug it off and make small talk amongst everyone. No one brings up my guitar, which I'm grateful of, and no one brings up Allen's drawings, which I bet he's grateful of. I consider it, but I don't think he would appreciate it, so I let it be. We mostly eat in quiet.

In between classes, surprise surprise, girls are crowding me. They're getting more persistent. I ignore most of them, and simply continue on, making small talk out of their seductive comments.

"You know you're really my type..."

"Really? I bet your dad is proud."

Fifth hour I have with my friend Daisya. He's awesome, but definitely full of it. More so than I am, which is impressive, but I'm more interested in his eyes. Those purple streaks... He claims they're tattoos, but that would just be too painful to handle, in my opinion. And his pupils...

"So you're friends with that Allen kid?"

I shrug look up from my work. "Yeah. I'm kinda living with him for now."

Daisya puts up his hands, "Oh wow. I mean, he's no _me_ but... Cudos." I laugh, knowing he's only joking around. He puts his hands down and shrugs. "I'm surprised. He hardly has any friends. Only that, what's her name? Leelee or something?"

"Lenalee," I correct.

"Oh, so you're friends with her too?" I nod and he shrugs again. "They're just... Kinda the loners of the school. But you're cool."

The walk home wasn't nearly as awkward as the walk to the bus this morning. Allen is walking beside me like normal and we're punching each other playfully constantly. I watch him wipe off his scar with his right sleeve, not his glove. Maybe he likes the glove...

I'm on his left, so I get a good view of the scar again. The last time I got a good look at it, he ran off. I don't want to repeat that, so I haven't said anything about it, but today has been weird.

He plays with the hair covering his scar, so it's more out of the way.

"When I was six..."

I glance over to him, and he's gripping his left elbow roughly, like he's trying to suppress something; thoughts or feelings, or maybe it's just to keep him from running away again.

"I was in a car accident that killed my foster father."

Foster father? He's an orphan? And now he's stuck with Cross? Well, so am I, but he obviously had a worse start than I had.

"That's where I got this scar."

He reaches up to feel it with his glove, but I grab his wrist. We stop walking. His eyes meet mine, and he looks panicked and pained. I release my grip, and he lowers his arm, and his gaze follows, inspecting his shoes.

"And it was my fault..."

I wait, and soon he's looking up at me again, and I can't miss the emotion in his eyes. It's the same as in a rescued dog that's seen so much pain and has suffered so much. He's having a hard time holding back whatever is threatening to burst, and I don't want that to happen to him, certainly not now, so I don't keep pushing.

I reach for his wrist again, and I pull him into the house that isn't far away. I can tell he wants to fight me as I pull him, but he's not up to it, so he's more just like dead weight.

When we get inside, I go and sit down on the couch leaving a big space to my right, and I lean my elbows on my knees, wondering about whether I keep going with what I'm thinking of doing. Allen seems to understand and sits next to me. I reach behind my head and untie my eye-patch, and let it fall into my lap. I can't see him where he is, but I hear him gasp, and I turn to him.

I know my eye socket is sunken in there, and there's a ridge horizontally in the middle from where the stitches were once upon a time. The entire area is light pink scar tissue, and from lack of sun exposure.

Now that I can finally see him in my left eye, I can see he's looked away, but I can tell he wants to. "It's from when I was young, too, but it was my parents' fault." He slowly turns to face me, and looks directly into the empty socket. I can feel his gaze, and I want to turn away from it simply from instinct, but I stop myself; I want him to see it, and I want to look at his. Of course, his is more prominent and less scar-like, especially that star, but I'm still debating which is actually worse.

If his is from a car accident, I'm curious on how he managed to get the scar without damaging his actual eye, but that might just have been luck. Being so unlucky, I happen to forget that some people do have fortunate occurrences once in a while.

I watch Allen lift his hand, like he wants to feel it. I close my eye, and he seems to take that as permission as it was intended. A few moments later, I feel his fingers brushing over my eye. I flinch, not quite expecting it, but when I don't run away, he continues. I'm more ready for it this time, and I feel as he gently sweeps the pad of his finger against the curvature of the socket and over the ridge.

Exhaling all the tenseness I was gathering, I finally open my eye, and his hand is still over my right. He backs away, like I wouldn't approve of him being there anymore.

"I think I'd prefer your scar," I weakly laugh.

Allen's hand goes back around his left elbow. Does he think I'm referring to that one? At least now I know that it is in fact a scar under his sleeve.

"I don't think you would."

I feel like shouting, 'try me,' but I don't think it would be appropriate when you take what just happened into consideration. Allen doesn't push any further on the history of my missing eye, but I'm tempted to tell him anyway. If I could, I would, but it would reveal too much, and I wouldn't be able to clean it up afterwards. It's not that I don't trust Allen, I just can't have anyone else finding out, so why bother with the risk?

_Because it's _Allen_, a voice tells me._

But I can't afford to listen to it.

**ooOIOoo**

_Why is he showing me this?_

Lavi's scar felt so much different than my arm. More... Delicate and fragile, instead of leathery and defiant, and kind of soft.

I wasn't expecting him to show me his eye. I just wanted to tell him that bit about my scar, and leave it at that before I either broke down and gave him my life story, or tried to push him away again. He pushed the envelope, but I'm glad he did. And I'm glad I finally got the courage to let him in.

After the ordeal, we sat for a minute, unsure of what to say or do. I watch Lavi pick up his eye-patch off of his lap, but he doesn't tie it back on, which strikes me as odd. He walks off to his room, and I head into the kitchen.

When Cross was here last, he restocked, which thrilled me. He hardly ever did this, he usually left it to me. When I open the cupboard, I find all kinds of goodies. Well, that was an over exaggeration, but there was definitely more food than there usually is.

I go back out into the living room, and I see Lavi slouched over. Did he think I would run again?

When he sees me, he straightens and stands, smiling softly.

"Hey, what do you want for dinner?"

His eye widens, "You mean, we have food again?!" He must have left his eye-patch in his room, because he never put it back on. I laugh and nod, "Yeah. Cross went shopping that day we didn't." I don't go far on that topic, remembering about Bookman, but Lavi's more-or-less accepted that Bookman's okay, and doesn't need Lavi worrying about him.

Lavi walks into the kitchen and browses through the pantry, then the fridge. He digs out some pancake mix, and drops it in front of me, beaming.

"Pancakes?"

"Pancakes!"

He pulls out the milk and two eggs and finds a bowl. He starts mixing them together, and I leave him to do his own thing. I temporarily escape into my room, where I change into pajama pants and my one-sleeved night shirt, and find a thinner glove and swap it out with my current one. When I go back out into the living room, it smells like something's burning.

I run into the kitchen, and see Lavi already managed to burn six pancakes. I sigh and face-palm. Walking up to him, I turn the heat down on the stove.

"Oh..! So that's what was-... Oh, okay." He rubs his neck and finishes with the pancakes. Ten minutes later when he's done, he comes out and lays a plate stacked high with them on the coffee table. We start picking out the ones we want, and I make him eat the burned ones.

We each eat about nine pancakes, but I'm still going, shoveling them in one after another, and Lavi's just gaping at me. After another eleven, I think I'm finally finished.

"Dear-... Where does it all go?!"

I pat my stomach, and we both laugh. He stands and turns on the TV, and switches to a decent channel and sits back down. He gets close to my left arm, and I scoot over, and he doesn't react. He sighs, and stands, and I watch him walk back to his room. He comes back out in his pajamas and sits down next to me again, hitting my arm. He notices this time and shuffles away from me. "Sorry." I nod, starting to get upset now. At least he apologized.

We watch TV until we both get tired and I leave for my bedroom.

"Hey, can we get my mattress tomorrow? This couch is giving me a backache..." Lavi rubbed his back and I nod, too tired to actually respond, so I grunt in reply.

* * *

**Ta-da! Chapter 4! And my second longest chapter overall..! Someone write some reviews! I'm getting tidbits, which I'm not complaining about (it's better than nothing) but what are your exact thoughts! Am I doing good? Is it going too fast? Too slow?! Chapters too short? Too long? Heh, chapters can never be too long. But c'mon guys! Nothing you can say can be stupid or useless, and it's not going to take up a huge amount of your day! I'm writing a STORY! You can at least write one measly review! C; **

**I'm trying my best to keep up, but I'm running out of ideas to keep things moving. Maybe after the next chapter things will REALLY get interesting! Warning; Chapter 5 will probably just be a sort of spacer. Just some busy-reads while I work up to the big shebang. It's still gonna be good though!**


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey, Brat!"

My door is thrown open as I'm rudely awakened. Purely on instinct, I pull my sheet over my arm. It's only Cross, but what it have been Lavi? As I prop myself up on my elbows, it falls off my shoulders and reveals part of my arm, but I don't bother to pull it back up. It's only Cross. He's used to it, and honestly, I don't care all that much, but I keep an ear out for Lavi, just in case he's awake.

"Where's my cash, Brat? You know I have debts!"

I fall back down on my bed with a huge sigh. "I'll have the money later..."

"You better, useless piece of-"

He slams the door before I can hear the rest of his sentence, but I can imagine what it would have been.

I sit up again after rubbing my temples again and throw my legs over my bed. I get dressed, and when I open my door, Lavi's there, like he's about to knock. He's hardly dressed for school and he doesn't have his backpack, and I'm confused. "Where's your stuff?"

He laughs. "What stuff? We're not going to school today."

I practically gasp and push past him to get his line of sight away from my room. "What do you mean? It's still Friday."

He shrugs. "Yeah, but Cross is here, so we're taking today off." He smiles at me and drags me out into the living room where my stomach growls. "And I guess we'll stop and get some food on the way."

"On the way? Way to where?" I plop down on the couch and Lavi shakes his head. "Nope. Let's go." I grunt and sink into the couch. "But it's too _early..."_ I drag out the last word, but he stomps over and pulls me to my feet and I follow mindlessly after him as he walks outside and I hear our bus zoom off. I start to gasp and run after it, but stop, realizing it's useless. "I guess we really are skipping today."

He laughs and climbs into the front seat of Cross' car, and I the passengers'. He starts down the road and once we get a good distance, I finally ask where we're going.

"What?! You agreed that we could get my mattress today! I'm getting sick and tired of that couch, and I don't think Cross really appreciates it either." He snickers, and I have the feeling I don't want to know what mental images he's bringing to mind.

"Oh. Okay then. Well, I didn't know we were going immediately in the morning!" He snickers again. "Or that we'd be skipping school."

Lavi seems consumed by driving the way he's constantly looking around. His bad eye must make driving hard. I should have driven, instead of letting him have to work hard like this. I look out the window and my hand goes up to my scar. I can't tell if he notices, but before I know it, we've pulled into the drive-through of a fast food joint.

Even though I'm starving, I didn't bring any money. I don't want to be rude and order the massive amounts of food I usually do, so I settle for three breakfast sandwiches and a huge coffee. Lavi eats about half of what I do. He pulls out a wallet stuffed with cash that I never knew he had and suddenly I'm a lot hungrier, but I ignore the feeling and scarf down my food, not bothering about getting crumbs everywhere. It is Cross' car after all.

As we get back on the road, Lavi turns on the radio and raises the volume almost as high as it goes. Soon, we're speeding down the interstate, Lavi singing loudly (and not badly; he has a nice voice) and I keep trying to turn down the volume, making sure Lavi's concentrating on driving.

Even though I keep lowering the volume, it finds it way back up again. _Lavi! Can't you see I'm trying to make it easier on you?!_

He doesn't seem to care as he turns it up again. I decide to leave it, because our constant battling is probably worse than some loud music.

We're half way there when Lavi tears off his eye-patch and lays it on the middle console. I look at him, his good side, "You really get tired of that thing, don't you?"

Nonchalant, he replies, "Do you get tired of long sleeves?" I can tell its rhetorical but it still has some meaning in it. It's not angry at all, but I wish it was. At least then I could fight with him about it. He swings his head in my direction and I quickly look away from him, but I can still see his scar. _Why can't mine be that simple? And clean..._

He turns away and I watch him out of the corner of my eye. I start to get lost in thought when the car jerks. Lavi's thoughts must've been wandering too, but to what? I strain myself trying to rule out possibilities, trying to figure out what it was he was thinking about, but I don't like the odds.

"Are we almost there?" Lavi nods without turning to me and I look back at the road. Is he wondering about Bookman again?

I watch trees go by as we exit the interstate. Was he thinking about his friends at his old school?

A bird flutters from a tree to a fence and back again. Did he have a girlfriend? A, a boyfriend? I hadn't thought about that, although the way he acts... That still doesn't justify anything. I sigh as he pulls into his driveway and I'm shocked at how quick that was. I was pretty deep into my thinking, huh?

**ooOIOoo**

I pull into the driveway and I climb out to unlock the door and Allen is right behind me. He was really quiet most of the ride, and I start to wonder what he was thinking about, but it's a passing thought. I'm more worried about Bookman right now. Being here brings up all those concerns from last time and I can't shoo them away. When we walk in, it looks different from last time, but I can't pinpoint how. Is it... Cleaner? I immediately dash for my room, and I'm sure it's neater than last time.

"Bookman's okay..." I sigh. Allen comes up behind me and I can feel him thinking about putting a hand on my shoulder, which he decides against (why am I disappointed?) and I spin around quickly. "Bookman's okay. Whenever he's home, he cleans up my room, crazy, old, OCD panda..."

"Oh, well that's great, Lavi." He smiles and I turn around to grab my mattress out of my room.

Allen follows and we each grab an end. Turning it sideways, we walk it out to the car. We struggle to lift it onto the roof, but we eventually get it, with both of us barking orders at each other to coordinate more flawlessly, but that doesn't happen, no matter how hard we try. At least we manage to get it on top of Cross' car.

Allen looks at me skeptically. "Um, okay, but how are we going to strap it down?"

I pop the trunk and run around, pulling out some bungee cords. He laughs as I beam at him and we continue to stretch them across the mattress. Once we're finished, I run back inside for my favorite pillow, and we climb back into the car and head off for home.

**ooOIOoo**

Again, the drive back is shorter. _Why is that?_ We carry the mattress inside and and we proceed to drag it into Lavi's new room. We drop it on the floor and Lavi runs out to the car for his pillow and we fish some sheets out of the closet across from the bathroom.

Now that we're both exhausted from hauling Lavi's mattress to and from the car, we sit and watch TV, trying our best to avoid Cross' wrath. I still don't have his money. We watch a couple hour-long episodes and suddenly it's five o'clock.

"And now, I'm taking a shower," Lavi declares.

"Fine, as long as I'm next."

I leave for the living room, where Cross walks in. "What's all this noise? And when am I getting my cash, Brat?!"

I sigh, stand and walk into my room to grab the shitty little phone I have for emergencies, some coverup and a hair-tie out of my dresser. Walking past the bathroom to Lavi's room, I hear him singing in the shower, but the water distorts it so I can't tell what song it is, but I laugh anyway. I find his phone amongst his clothes and enter my number quickly. Passing the bathroom, I'm laughing at Lavi again.

"Cross, I'm taking the car," I call out, but there's no reply. I find his keys on the coffee table where Lavi threw them and I slink out the door.

Plopping into the front seat, my head falls onto the steering wheel. It's been awhile since I've done this, and I'm not thrilled to be doing it again, but Cross is finally back in town, and we are getting low on cash, Lavi and I.

Using the rear-view mirror, I apply the coverup and put up my hair. Starting the car, I see the front door start to open, but I back out and speed away before I can see whoever it is. It's probably Cross yelling at me for taking his car.

Soon, I'm at the local gambling joint. It's just a bar with some poker tables, and they don't have any restrictions for entry, so I'm allowed right in, even though I'm still technically fifteen, even if I don't look it with my hair up.

I walk in and no one spares me a passing glance until I sit down at a poker table. Everyone else around me gasps. "Deal me in."

**ooOIOoo**

I step out of the shower and onto the mat just outside the lip of the tub. When I realize I left my clothes in my room, I wrap the towel around my waist and peek out of the door. The coast is clear, so swing the door open quickly and run into my room, careful not to slam the door when I close it. Making the journey successfully, I heave a relived sigh and continue to dry my now shaggy hair.

I get dressed and leave for the living room. "Allen! Your t-". Watching Cross recede into wherever his room resides, I hear the car start. Confused, I take a step outside. "Allen?"

As soon as he sees the door open, he takes off down the road; in the opposite direction. _Wait, what?_

My brow furrows and I walk back inside. Not knowing where Cross went, I yell for him, not bothered to find him. "Cross! Where's Allen going?!"

His bushy hair appears around the corner of a door frame I've never noticed before. "Where he always goes!" He sinks back mumbling, "Damn brats..."

"Well where's that?!"

I hear him scoff, but he returns. "The bar, idiot. Down the road. Why don't you go find him and get shitfaced together?" He looks like he wants to add something, but he starts to leave. "Just don't bang in my car..." _What?!_

"The bar..? He's only fifteen...!"

I can only describe this feeling as confusion. Or maybe betrayal? No, that's not it. Maybe. I feel like I need to be the hero to go dig him out of whatever hole he's in. "Fucking idiot..."

I pace back to my room and grab my phone that I left in my- Why is it on my bed? I look through and find Allen's number. He must've put his number in my phone and got mine, what, in case of a bar fight? "Goddamn it, Allen."

I find directions to the bar nearest to the house, and shove my phone in my pocket after studying them thoroughly. I leave the house, and with no other option, walk there.

It's a long walk, but that might just have been because I got slightly lost on the way. It's still a couple of miles and it takes me almost an hour and a half.

When I get there and open the door, I'm immediately assaulted by the scent of alcohol, cigarettes and vomit. I don't want to think about it.

I find Allen in the crowd incredibly quickly. So much so, it shocks even me.

"Hey, look guys! Fresh meat..."

I don't like the way the bartender eyes me, and when he calls out, everyone else does too, and Allen's eyes go particularly wide, but I can tell he's hiding it for his game. I watch him lay down his cards and he stands to walk over to me. "What are y-"

He cuts me short with shush and a finger to his lips, and practically shoves me out through the door again.

"Lavi, it's not like that!"

"Oh really? You'd rather steal men's money? And clothes?! Oh that's okay, as long as you're not drinking. " _Or doing drugs, or selling yourself out as a-... A-..._

My palm goes to my head and I spin around and I don't know what to say, and don't really want to look at him.

"Wait... Did you walk here?"

I turn around to face him. "No, I swam. Cross gave me a piggy-back ride."

_Of course I walked all the way here. Do you think I'd steal a car? Or just leave you here?! Allen, I wouldn't do that..._

"Allen, I why would I leave you here?

"Hmm..."

I turn and walk to where Allen parked Cross' car. "I'm driving."

"I'm not drunk."

"Okay, then say the alphabet backwards!"

"Lavi, you and I both know neither of us could do that _sober_. I'll drive."

I scoffs but drop into the passenger's seat anyway and cross my arms. "What were you doing in there?"

The car starts and he sighs. "I wasn't drinking. Cross likes to pile up debts and then make me pay them. Obviously, I don't have time for a job, so... I have to gamble."

I snort, and it's not the amused kind. "Sure."

He scoffs and rolls his eyes. "C'mon, Lavi. It's not a big deal. Hey, I made four grand. That's enough to buy a car."

I look over, impressed, but I try to stop the emotion from reaching my eye. I don't do very well, and when he glances over to me, I plaster a frown on, but he doesn't seem to buy it.

I'm glad it's Friday, because I'm exhausted, even though it's still pretty early. First we moved my mattress, and then I walked all the way here to rescue Allen. Maybe not rescue, but it's close enough. Even though its only seven, I'm very tired, and even more hungry. At least I'm clean.

"Lavi, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have run off like that. I... I just, didn't really want you to know about it."

I glance over to Allen, but he's not looking at me. I turn to look out the window instead. I understand, I really do, but I still can't shake the betrayed feeling I have now. I've never done anything to justify him _not_ trusting me, so, why can't he? And why wouldn't he want me to know about his gambling? Sure, it's not exactly a good habit, but... Why does he feel the need to hide things from me? Is it only me?

"Does Lenalee know?" I don't turn to face him, and I can see the house in the short distance.

"No. No she doesn't..."

I chuckle, but he can tell it's not real, or happy at all, and that's when he pulls into the driveway. Without even a second thought, I swing open the car door, and I can hear him, what I think is punch the dashboard, but I'm already at the house.

"Lavi, wait! Please, just understand..."

I stop and turn to face him, but his chin has fallen to his chest. My fists clench at my sides of their own accord.

"Allen, I do, okay? I understand. I just don't understand why you can't trust me! Sure, you've known me for a week, but..."

I can't finish my sentence. The truth is, he doesn't have to trust me. Honestly, he shouldn't trust me. But they why do I want him to tell me his entire history, start to finish, without a breath in between? And why do I want to tell him mine? Why so I feel betrayed at the fact that he won't trust me, when I honestly haven't given him a reason to? This is the part that I don't understand, and I'm tired of not understanding, but I can't choke out the words.

I turn around, not wanting to lengthen this conversation any longer, and storm inside. Cross is passed out on the couch with the TV blaring, but I ignore him and walk past as quietly as I can in this state of mind. I walk down the hall and past Allen's room into mine. I fall flat onto my chest, haphazardly pulling off my shirt and jeans, and throwing them wherever they happen to land, I plop down onto my mattress. I can hear the front door open and close, and the TV click off. Allen must be upset if he isn't even bothering about me. I sigh and pull my sheet up to my waist. Can I actually sleep in this kind of mood?

**ooOIOoo**

_I'm such an idiot... Why did I do this, thinking Lavi wouldn't find out. I've been careless._

Unless, I kind of wanted him to know, and this was just the easy way out. But that's not fair.

"I'm sorry, Lavi," I whisper to myself. Lavi isn't there anyway. He stormed inside. And I don't blame him, although I'm agitated after the scene outside the bar, and the fact that Lavi has realized that I have major trust issues. Yeah, I knew it, and Lenalee knew it, but he's the only person that's ever addressed them. The problem is, nothing has ever happened in my life to give me a reason to stop trusting the world.

Actually, something has. My arm happened. That car crash happened, and the only parent I ever had died, but it didn't end there, but I can't think about it. Not in depth. It causes too much pain, and it makes me want to heave. Or cut off the arm on my own.

I slowly walk inside, and when he's not there, assume he's in his room. Before I walk there, I turn Cross' TV off and toss his portion, okay, majority of the cash on his chest before heading down the hallway, my head still hung. Knocking at his door, there's no reply. Slowly I inch his door open, not able to decide whether its a good idea or not.

But when the door is open enough for me to stick my head in, I realize why. He's already pulled off all his clothes and is sleeping, slightly less than peacefully. He's laying on his chest with the sheet pulled up only to his waist, and I can see what litters his back.

Scars, big and small, deep and shallow cover him from his neck to, probably below the sheet where I can't see. Suddenly I feel sorry all over again, but not only for the bar incident. For everything. I was in a measly car crash, and here he is... But if he knew the details behind my arm, he would come to be disgusted with it, just as I am. Even just seeing it might scare him enough for all of this to stop, but I can't muster the courage to show him. Or even tell him.

_Why am I so weak..._

Nothing else to accomplish here, I leave and go to my own room, but sleep won't come as easily to me as it did to Lavi.

* * *

**I'm simply amused that my computer accepts, "Shitfaced" as an actual word, instead of trying to correct it with that stupid squiggly line. xD**

**I'm glad I finally got some actual input on this story, instead of just comments about how much you guys love me. C; I appreciate those too, but I like these better. Anyway, all I have to say is:  
**

**I would too, but all in due time. ;)**

**Chapter 6 is already started, and I can't wait to write it. It's gonna be epic. I hope.  
**

**Oh, and sorry for any typos. I write most of these on my iPod when I'm bored throughout the day, and we all know the fun in having typical Apple(c) autocorrect. I find most of them but, hey, I'm one person, and a lazy one at that.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

I'm staring at the floor first thing in the morning. Probably not all that weird when your mattress is on the ground.

Even though I'm awake, I don't want to get up. I don't want to do anything, or talk to anyone. I just want to go back to sleep, but I physically can't.

I roll over onto my back and stare up at the ceiling.

_Allen..._ Is there really anything else to say?

I hear someone shuffling around outside my door, but I ignore it. There isn't any knock, and soon, they're gone.

I find my phone that I left on the floor next to my bed and check the time. It's already eleven thirty-two; almost noon. I sigh and decided that waiting won't solve anything. I work to stand and get dressed, leaving my eye-patch behind.

I step out of my room just as Allen enters his, and I don't think he hears or sees me. I sigh, thinking about knocking and trying to talk to him, but I don't know if I should. It's not that I'm proud or anything, it's just that Lenalee said not to...

There is no noise coming from anywhere in the house. Did Cross leave this morning?

I get up and walk to the front door. I open it a sliver, enough to see that the driveway is empty. And again, we're without transportation. At least Allen can't drive drunk now. I put that thought aside and continue with my day.

I leave the hallway and scrounge around the kitchen for a while. I find some leftover scraps and heat them up in the microwave. I turn on the TV before I sit down with my 'breakfast'.

There's some awfully disturbing paid programming on, probably courtesy of Cross last night, and I hurry and change it. Anything but paid programming. I quickly find an all-hours cartoon channel and watch Looney-Toons and Tom & Jerry until it's almost one in the afternoon.

It's then that I decide I need to do something productive. My guitar is out of the question. It would be too awkward; it might even cause something if Allen was listening. I don't know what he's doing in his room, but that's the moment I realize he's been in his room for the entire hour and a half I've been awake.

What could he be doing in there? It's terribly quiet, so that rules out a bunch of things. Maybe he's drawing? He did tell me he had a talent for art. It's a possibility. Maybe I should go talk to him?

Swallowing my hypothetical pride and tossing Lenalee's advice aside, I stand and stall by walking my plates and cup into the kitchen, and slowly rinsing them out, and I leave them in the sink.

I sigh and walk to Allen's door.

Being the polite person I am, I knock at the door, and when there isn't a reply, I start swinging the door open. "Allen?"

I don't open the door wide, but I can see him sitting down with his back against the wall with a pad of paper on his lap.

A little more and he looks like he had fallen asleep in that position and I just woke him up, and he's looking up at me, shocked. He's fully dressed, despite it being the weekend, with his sleeve and glove in place. His hair is still back like from yesterday at the bar, but his coverup over his scar is badly smudged, like he slept in it.. Quickly, he stands and runs to push me out of his doorway. "Lavi..?"

"Um, what were you drawing?" I look at him, and he looks confused, like that wasn't what he was expecting me to ask. That's okay, because that's not what I wanted to ask anyway.

"Nothing. Why?"

"Curious." I feel like I need to apologize for last night, but I don't know if I should. Would it seem like I'm giving up? Because I certainly am not. Not this easily.

The silence gets longer, am I'm afraid of what might happen next.

"Allen, I'm sorry."

His gaze has sunk to the floor by then, but now he's looking up at me, his gray eyes wide. I'm just as shocked, but my brain and lips continue on their own, "I understand if you don't trust me; I guess you don't have to if you don't think you should, or whatever. But..."

_It still hurts..._ I want to finish, but I can't force out the words. And it does hurt, but that's_ my_ problem. I'll have to get used to it, and try my best, and hope that one day he can trust me and we can be close friends.

I get a lot of protesting thoughts, and I try to silence them, but some slip past, and I can hear them yelling, _More than friends! Isn't that what you _really_ want? You _like_ Allen, don't you Lavi? You do too!_

I start thinking of walking away. I'm anticipating it, but Allen interrupts.

"But, what?"

My chin falls against my chest, and I can't look at him. "It hurts," I mumble, barely audible.

I can't tell how long Allen stands there as I walk to my room. I sit on my mattress, leaning against the wall and scoop up my guitar from the corner, leaving the door open. I strum some practice chords, then begin a melody. I'm not trying to, but it's sad sounding. My finger misses a string, and my fist pounds against the body. Trying again, I get it this time and continue. I know the tune from somewhere, but I can't remember from where; I just know it suits my mood impeccably.

I keep strumming along, keeping the notes melancholy and touching. When I get bored of the melody, I look up, and Allen's there, looking in on me from my doorway. His coverup looks even more smudged and washed away, and he rubs his eyes with the back of his hand.

**ooOIOoo**

_I've never wanted to trust someone so badly. I've never been so aggravated that I physically can't. I've never been so sad at the pain it's caused anyone._

I heard Lavi's guitar from my room, and when I came to see, I just couldn't hold back the tears at the combination of everything. That's when all the realizations hit me. First of all, I realize that Lavi does indeed care about me, how much, however, I can't be sure of. Second, I care about him; maybe even a little too much, and I can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad one.

I'm standing at his door and he stops. He looks up at me with that scar and single green eye, and I have to wipe my eyes to stop from crying harder. He carefully lays down his guitar off to the side of his bed and gets up. He walks over to me, and I can't tell what his expression means. It's a mixture of sorrow, anger and maybe affection.

"Lavi, I'm sorry too."

My voice is shaky, unsure and broken. Lavi puts his hands on my shoulders and they slide down to my elbows warily. His hand on my left is barely there, but maybe that's only because my feelings are dulled there.

"It's okay," he says solemnly, but I don't feel that it is. I shake my head, squinting my eyes tight and gritting my teeth. I feel him release my elbows and suddenly he wraps his arms around my shoulders and he pulls me into his chest in an embrace.

My first thought is to push him away with a scoff and a gasp, but my body has other ideas when my arms won't react and, instead, pull myself closer to him.

It feels like so much lifts off of me then. Lavi's chin drops onto my head in what seems like relief and I can't help but nuzzle into him. It just seems... Right...? Natural? Perfect?

"Allen, it's okay."

Suddenly I'm crying viciously against Lavi's chest and he moves his cheek to my head, grabbing me tighter. I'm grasping at his back and I don't know why, but I'm glad he lets me.

"It's not," I tell him angrily, "I've never wanted to trust anyone more, but I can't." I start to push away from him, but he holds on long enough to sigh, then lets me go. I immediately turn away from him and face the door frame.

"I'll show you how."

I glance at him from the corner of my eye and he smiles. Not a goofy, beaming smile, but an encouraging and kind one, and I suddenly regret that he let me go. I wipe my eyes dry again and smile softly in return, and Lavi laughs in reply, and I can't help but laugh back.

I can't help but wonder why it seems he's already started. Has he? Or have I simply started opening up to him on my own? I don't actually care either way. I'm just glad that's it's happening.

"Want to go somewhere?"

I turn and face Lavi fully.

"I mean, like, hang out..? But, Cross left this morning, so... We'll have to walk."

I laugh and at his nervousness. _Lavi's never nervous! Who are you and what have you done with Lavi?_

I laugh at my own thoughts and he looks at me strangely, and I only laugh harder, and he starts too, but he doesn't seem to know why. "Sure. I'm fine with a little walking."

**ooOIOoo**

When Allen turns around to walk towards the door, I release the breath I didn't realize I was holding in. I try and rein in my pounding heart as I walk after him. I'm extremely surprised, and jubilant, that Allen practically fell into my arms like a wet rag doll; he accepted it, and returned it, for the most part.

He accepted _me _in, and I couldn't be any more enthused.

Not only was that a brave step for me, but Allen as well. My heart jumps again, and I work to calm it, but Allen turns around again and looks me in the eye, making my efforts null and void. I quickly grab my eye-patch from my room and follow after him as calmly as I can, and we walk out the door.

"By the way," I begin as he shuts the door behind us, my hands busy with the strings of my patch, "Why is your hair still up?"

His expression goes blank, then he's smiling, and his hand goes to rub the back of his neck. "Well, it's getting kinda long... And... It does some weird stuff when it's long."

I tilt my head at him and he looks away. I want to find out what he's hiding, but its probably best if I don't push and prod right now.

"You're good with that guitar, you know."

Allen regains my attention and I turn and look at him. He looks over at me, and I laugh a little. "I'm not that great..." I say.

Allen scoffs, "You kinda are. Maybe we _should_ start a band," he jokes. I shake my head, shaking off his comment.

Totally off topic, "It's too bad I've never seen your drawings."

I glance over to him and he's looking at me with an expression that says, 'And you're never gonna.'

I cross my arms and my face replies, 'Don't make me hug you again!'

He makes a sound between a scoff and a laugh and I start, too. "Why don't you want anyone to see them?"

"Because they're bad..."

I look at him pointedly, because I know there's more to it than that. Allen starts squirming and I can tell he wants to say, but something's stopping him. I watch him battle his internal struggle and when he finally sighs, he turns to me. "They're kinda... Personal..."

I nod and start to smile. He really does want to trust me, and I can't betray that; I have to be careful. Allen faces the pavement but I can still see the relief on his face. I think he's proud of himself too.

"Where we're going, anyway?"

Allen looks up at me and he looks happier, "A park..?" The way he says it makes it a question, as if he's asking my approval. I like parks. We can sabotage unsuspecting campers.

I snicker to myself, "Sounds good to me. Wait! Am I allowed to cause trouble..?"

My eye turns evil and I glare down at him and he backs away pleading, "Y-yeah, yeah, go right ahead..! Jus-just not to me, okay?! Please!"

I beam at him and he slouches forward with a sigh, rolling his eyes. He fell right into my trap! _I'm gonna cause so much chaos..!_

The rest of he walk there, Allen sighs at himself for giving me permission to terrorize the people at the park. Immediately when we get there, I notice a group of girls eying us. Well, me. I panic and take a step back. "Lavi?"

"Uhh... I'm fine."

Lenalee told me that Allen doesn't like it when girls fawn over me. Frankly, I can't stand it either, but what else can I do besides ignore them? _I'm gay, goddamn it! _

He starts walking again and I'm following him. When the duo of girls starts walking our way, I switch sides with Allen, putting him between them and me. He eyes me suspiciously, but I ignore it, but the move doesn't falter the crazies. They walk up and stop right in front of us. I can see Allen out of my peripheral vision, and he doesn't look too enthused, and when the two girls start to encircle me, he starts to look panicked. I sigh, "Do I know you?"

They each shake their head and one speaks up, "I don't think so. I would remember that face."

"Don't you mean 'eye-patch'?"

The other one laughs and I watch Allen start to back away, looking very solemn. I sigh and push past them, and one gasps while the other scoffs. They walk away and I look at Allen, letting him see the sadness in my eye. He looks up at me and I can't help but smile, even a sad one, and he smiles back.

I stare intently into his eyes still with a gentle smile and say, "Let's go find some campers." I'm howling in laughter as I take off toward the denser forest.

After stealing the park-issued toilet paper from the preexisting outhouses, I manage to T.P. A total of two cabins, three tents and a boat. Allen seems mildly disappointed, but I think he's too overall amused to care. Every now and then another girl (or a pack of them) find me, but I keep brushing them off and I think Allen's actually starting to get a kick out of it, which I find promising, and hilarious.

It starts getting dark when I finally hit my limit of number of people I'm allowed to piss off in one day, set by none other than the trustworthy Bookman the last time we moved, which reaches to about sixteen. Allen nudges me as I'm mid-throw with a rock I've picked up, aiming it at a cabin wall. I pause and turn back to him.

"We should probably get going. It's getting late."

I snort at him. "But it's Saturday!" He laughs and shakes his head.

"Yeah, but I'm getting hungry."

I laugh. _So that's the real reason he wants to go, huh? _"Okay, fine. But you're paying!"

He laughs too, "Deal."

We make our way out of the campgrounds and into the actual park, where they're grass and not very many trees. We lead out of the park and we're back on the sidewalk on the main road back. I'm walking with my bad eye to the traffic, and Allen seems to flinch every time a car passes us.

"Maybe... we should switch sides." I turn to face him, and it only gets worse. I laugh and oblige, moving around him to walk on the left.

"But now I can't see you..." I turn my head enough to see him over the bridge of my nose and he looks like he's blushing. I snicker inwardly, "Hey, are you okay? Your face looks a little red there..."

He turns an even darker shade and turns away, refusing to acknowledge me.

Although I'm laughing, he's starting to look upset, so I drop it.

Glancing around, I notice we're starting to get closer to home. I laugh to myself; I know we're going to eat somewhere, but did he bring any money? Even if he did, it's probably not enough the way he eats. _Even if he did, maybe I can...?_

I turn to cross the road towards the house, and I run into Allen instead. He almost trips into the street, but I catch him around the waist and set him back on his feet again. I smirk at where I grabbed him and he looks up into my eye, and I down into his, but doesn't protest. When he's standing normally again, I laugh and rub at my neck. "Sorry..! Didn't see you there."

He looks at me like I've told a bad joke (which was what it was) and he shakes his head with a smart-ass smile. "You did that on purpose."

"I did not," It's not entirely a lie.

He aims me a wiry smile, and starts off again. "We're going to eat, remember?"

I nod like I had forgotten, "Oh! Yeah! That's where we're going...!" He shakes his head at me and follow after him, my hand on my forehead. Once I'm next to him again, I pull at the sting of my eye-patch that scoops around my ear. I can feel Allen glance at me and my hand falls back against my side. "What's wrong?" I hear him ask.

"Nothing, it's just starting to get annoying..."

My eye-patch is always bothering me, but I never complain about it. If I start to bring attention to it, people start to get interested, and I can't have that. No one is allowed to know about it, because it would only bring up more questions, and that would be very, very bad.

"Oh," Allen mumbles, pulling me out of my thoughts. I start to glance at him, then remember that I can't see him without facing him fully, and I turn back to stare at the sidewalk. I want to ask him if his sleeve ever get annoying, which it probably does, but I don't want to give him an opportunity to become defensive about it. He'll bring it up when he wants to, and I have to accept that.

We arrive at the small diner that we went to the first night I arrived at this new house, and we both walk in. We find a seat and we sit across from each other. "Well, since you're buying, I think I'll just take everything on the menu."

His eyes go wide and he sits straight up in his chair, and I'm left laughing in mine. He reaches across and smacks me over the head with the menu, and I just leave my forehead on the table, trying to laugh out the image of Allen's reaction out of my mind.

I can hear him start to chuckle, probably only at my silliness, and I finally get it together. I sit back up and a waitress comes to greet us.

I sigh in relief, _Ugh, she's old... There is a god._

She asks us what we want, using old-lady pet names like 'sweetheart' and 'sugar' and I feel like I'm about to puke. Allen, on the other hand, doesn't seem to mind, rattling off the names of one dish after another, and she doesn't seem like she can write fast enough. I hold back my laugh as she starts to scribble faster and faster, and it almost looks like she's about to start sweating.

He takes a huge breath, "...and three sides of french-fries."

They both turn to me and the waitress looks like she wants to start panting. I snicker and glance up to tell her, "I'll get a Coke. I think I'll just steal off his plate."

Allen glares at me and I only smile back at him cheerfully.

The waitress walks back to the kitchen, and we can't see her, but after a short while, I hear a huge crash. "I think the cook fainted," I tell Allen, turning to stare at him, and he laughs almost as hysterically as I usually do. I chuckle a little and a different waiter brings us our drinks.

Suddenly, a certain dark skinned duo stand and cross the room. I know one of them as Road, but the other-

"Tyki Mikk..."

My eye shoots over to Allen and he stares into his soda, his fists clenched in front of him. I try to move to see his face, but I can't. I poke him in the knuckle and he glances up at me, releasing his grip. "Um, I'm guessing you don't get along?"

"Try not to let him see us."

I remove my eyes from his slicked-back hair, but I watch him out of my peripherals, and I think he glances our way. "I think he saw us."

I hear Allen gulp, and he starts coming this way.

"Oh my. I almost left without saying goodbye to my dear friend, Allen Walker."

Allen straightens, but doesn't look up at him, and stares at me instead. I see rage and pain in his eyes, but don't react to it. Not now.

"Tyki," he mumbles through grit teeth.

I lean back and fold my hands onto the table.

"Oh!" Tyki turns to me, "And who's this? Lavi, I suppose? Road's told me all about him, but he doesn't seem to be very interested with her." He's facing me, but still talking to Allen. He looks away and focuses back on him. "Is this your new friend, boy? You make a cute couple."

Road snickers behind him, and I can tell she wants to step up and add something, but she doesn't.

Finally taken enough of this, I lean back in my chair and it scoots back, scraping across the tile and buying his gaze. "Sorry. Did I interrupt something?" Tyki glares at me, but it's a gentle kind of glare, and it's very unnerving, and I notice a mole under his left eye, that couldn't have been more strategically placed. "I think our food's coming, so you might want to get out of the way. Wouldn't want you to get run over."

Just then, out of pure dumb luck, three waiters come out, each carrying two rather large platters. An extra waiter comes out, holding one of those unfolding tables only big enough for one of said platters. He puts down two, and one waiter puts down both his and starts passing out plates.

**ooOIOoo**

"I think we're going to need a bigger table," I finally speak up. I laugh as the others repeat and soon enough the table is so packed with dishes, some of them have to scoot up on others.

Once the waiters are done and gone, we notice so is Tyki and Road. "Old friends of yours," Lavi asks me.

I shake my head. "We _used_ to be friends. I guess, yeah." His eye widens and he starts picking off my fries like popcorn.

Tyki graduated two years ago. We used to be pretty good friends, and of course, I hid my arm from him, and one day, he found out. I didn't tell him the whole story of my and its past, but he still reacted like I would've expected; disgusted. If he would have been able to see past that, so would I, but he didn't. He would never stand on my left and one day he just snapped, and decided we would be enemies from then on. So I played along.

But, how much of that can I tell Lavi?

"We were friends, and then we just... Weren't." _Yeah, that should work._

"Oh..."

I nod and start eating, picking at different foods until I find the one I decide to start with and I quickly work my way up to scarfing them down, and almost swallowing them whole. Lavi is still stealing bites here and there when he can, but it's mostly french fries he takes.

When we're done, the waitress with the silly names returns to give us the bill, and before she can leave, I already have the cash out. Even though I won a lot, we only have about seven hundred left, after I gave the rest to Cross for his debts. I hand her the appropriate bills and as we wait for the change, Lavi discusses what decent shows should be on TV when we get back home.

"Ever watch Doctor Who?" he asks as we leave the restaurant. I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Doctor _who?_"

He only smirks at me and replies, "Exactly." I roll my eyes and he explains it to me as we walk back home. He tells me not to knock it until I try it, but it doesn't seem to exciting. I decide I'll agree to watch an episode or two.

I hold the door open and he walks in behind me and we kick our shoes off at the door. I immediately flop down on the couch and watch to make sure Lavi isn't about to lay on me. As he goes to turn the TV on, I take the band from my hair and it falls to the sides of my face like it does. Lavi flips on the appropriate channel then walks over to the couch, where he just stands over me, and I move my legs for him to sit. He does and I toss my legs uncomfortably over the side of the couch, simply because I'm too lazy to sit up or move. I'm focused on the TV screen, and that's when I feel Lavi grab my legs and throw my feet into his lap. I want to put them back on the ground, but I can't seem to move them, and I decide I actually kind of like them there. I'm on his blind side, and I watch him pull his eye-patch off and toss it onto the coffee table. He faces me and I smile awkwardly before turning back to the television and the theme song plays.

**ooOIOoo**

The episode that's playing is one of my favorites, where the Doctor and his companion get stranded on a planet orbiting a black hole. When a commercial plays, I look over to Allen to ask him if I should change it or not, but he's already asleep. I laugh quietly and gently lift his legs out of my lap, moving around them. I go to open his door, then come back. I carefully slip my arm around his shoulders and my other behind his knees. Lifting him off the couch, I walk into his room and lay him down on his bed gingerly. I don't bother pulling the covers over him, figuring he'll probably wake up sometime during the night to undress.

I pause to look over his sleeping figure. He's so much more peaceful; not trying to hide anything and not worrying about others. I wish he could look like that more often. More carefree and relaxed. His hair has scattered everywhere where it isn't sticking to his pillow, and I notice he's right; it has gotten longer, but it isn't being weird. I think I like it. I go to sweep it from his eyes, but I halt at his scar. Such an unusual scar. I'd like to know how he got it, and something tells me it wasn't a coincidence. My fingertips ghost across his face, brushing away the white strands, and slowly, as if moving too fast would wake him up, I lean over him, my lips hovering over his scar, his temple. I'm aching to lean that little distance more, to just bend forward, I'm almost there, but my mind stops me. It's not fair, to either of us. I sigh, straightening just enough so my hair doesn't fall onto him. I stand straight and I hear him mumble and he rolls over in his sleep, and I'm out of his room and in mine in a heartbeat.

"L-Lavi?"

* * *

***SQUEE* Oh boy...! Finally! I'm so glad I finally finished this! Hey readers?! Who'd say this is your favorite chapter yet? I dearly wanted to end the chapter like this, so I'll just do some simple explaining here:**

**Lavi's sigh woke Allen up, and he really didn't want to be caught in his room, especially in that situation. u So, Lavi bolted back into his room and Allen was left there, knowing that Lavi carried him to his room, but isn't really sure about anything else. No, he didn't follow Lavi or even get out of bed for that matter. Well, maybe to put on his jim-jams. Now, everyone's just going to sleep. Some, sooner and easier than others. We can all assume that Lavi isn't going to be getting much shut-eye with his mind in the state that it's in. C;  
**

**Again, sorry for typos; you know what I mean. xD I wasn't a huge fan of the park thing. I just wasn't in it; I wanted something to pass the time. And same for the incident with Tyki. But hey, we all like Tyki. We'll find out more of the story between Tyki and Allen later; it's ironicaly a lot like their relationship in the anime. c; You guys: "What the hell does that mean?!" Right? Patience is a virtue. Whatever that means.**

**Also, Lavi's sad guitar music is actually the sad theme from D. Grey-Man. It's called, like, Healing Soul, or Healing of the Spirit or something another. It would be a different arrangement, so it fits guitar, if anyone was wondering. :/ *is a band geek*  
**


	7. Chapter 7

I'm up early this morning.

I look outside and it's still dark since its raining. And by raining, I mean pouring.

I manage to sit up in my bed and I can't help but think about last night. Now that the initial moment is through with, I wish I would've done it. It still wouldn't have been right, but, to feel his skin, even that jagged patch under my li-!

There's a crash and, once again, Allen manages to snap me out of thoughts. I sigh to myself, but secretly I'm amused. Why always at these moments?

I work to stand and get dressed. Calmly, I walk out of my room and into the kitchen, where the noise seemed to originate, and I'm right. Allen is sitting on the floor, covered with pots and pans.

I simply have to face palm at him. When I look back up, his hand is behind his head, rubbing his neck nervously. "G-good morning, Lavi.

I shake my head at him, laughing quietly. "'Morning." And I turn around to walk out.

"Wa-wait! Lavi! A little help? Please?!"

His voice fades as I sit down on the couch and kick my feet onto the coffee table.

"Lavi!" he yells. With another sigh and a smirk, I stand and renter the kitchen, where he's still laying there. Grasping the two biggest pots pinning his legs down, I toss them onto the counter and lean over to grab two others, and it reminds me of last night the way I'm bent over him. I sigh to myself, and Allen starts to help.

"Are you okay?" he asks. I guess I let it get the best of me, outwardly becoming sad, too.

I smile at him and scoff, "What? Of course I am. But you on the other hand... I wouldn't be surprised if you had broken a leg."

Finally uncovered enough to move, he stands and crosses his arms at me; that's obviously not the response he was looking for.

I look away from him and start picking up pots again. He does too, and when there's only a few left, I leave for the couch after flicking on the news. Apparently, it's going to rain almost all week. I snicker, _Good! It'll be easier to sneak out of school._

That's when Allen comes in and sits me next to me. I let him get his fill of the weather report, then get up to channel surf.

"You really need to get a remote," I tell him pushing the button. I'm seriously getting tired of this...

He laughs and shrugs, "Maybe. Remind me when Cross is home next."

I sigh and flop back onto the couch, "Great. We're never getting a remote."

He laughs and I toss my legs over the arm of the couch, laying back across the sofa. Allen plants his elbow into my forehead and rests his chin in his hand.

"Ow..! Ow ow ow ow ow...!" I bat him away quickly and he's still laughing. I'm just glad he's off my face.

He watches TV while I'm on the verge of falling back asleep. I think Allen thinks I'm asleep, because I hear him talking to me, saying things he normally wouldn't.

"Thanks for last night, Lavi." He's talking quietly, and I almost have to strain to hear him. "For everything, really..." I feel him start to play with my hair just a bit and I might actually fall asleep.

I'm good at keeping my composure and blocking off emotions, but I feel like I'm going to break. Allen sighs and he starts talking again, even more quiet. "Lavi, I really am sorry. You said you'd show me how to trust you, but I don't know if I can. There's been too much damage already, I guess. My arm, my stupid arm..." He sounds close to breaking, too. He sounds angry. Angry at the world, at the hand he's been dealt, but all he can do is move past it, right? And I'm here to help him.

Still pretending to sleep, I moan and scoot slightly towards him. I feel him freeze, and once I relax again, I hear him sigh, and it sounds relieved and maybe even happy, and his hand resumes in my hair. "One day, Lavi. I promise."

If I'm still awake then, I'm not for much longer, because the next thing I know, I'm hanging off the couch and Allen's moved to look out the window. I mumble groggily and he turns back to glance at me, then back out the window. I stand and walk to his side, and I lean on the windowsill as he is. "How long have I been out?"

He chuckles, but I must have broke him out of some ugly nostalgia, because I hear anguish there. "About an hour and a half."

I hurriedly glance at my wrist, knowing there's no watch there. "Oh my! That just won't do..!" I turn around and lay back down on the couch.

Allen turns around and his eyes follow me. "Lavi, wake up..!"

I laugh, but pretend to snore. He comes out of no where and plants both of his palms on my face. Trying not to laugh (or suffocate) I flail around until he gets off of me and I throw myself into a sitting position. "Well you don't have to murder me for it!"

He laughs and walks away into the kitchen. Catching my breath, I follow him. He's scrounging through the cupboards and when I come in, I lean against the counter top. "What're you doin'?" He glances over to me and shrugs.

"I dunno, searching for lunch. What're you doing?"

"Helping you trust me."

Allen stops and lowers his hands from the cupboard and they fall flat against his sides. He's staring at me intently, and his eyes seem scared. "You're so untrusting, it hurts _me_."

I first noticed it when I saw him sleeping; the stark contrast between his constant fearfulness and when he's at peace. He may have opened up to me, but that's different from trusting. If he can't ever trust me, then I don't know if I can even keep living here, given the circumstances.

"Come with me."

I turn and walk out into the living room and sit on the couch. It's a few minutes before Allen joins me, and I was genuinely afraid he never would.

_Step one. Remove all doubt._

I take a deep breath and turn towards him on the couch, and he doesn't seem to know what's going on. "Allen... By now, I hope you've realized..." The words catch, and suddenly I'm the one who's scared. I know how he'll react, it won't be a surprise, but I'm still frightened. Simply acknowledging it out loud... I can ignore it all I want while its only in my head, but once it's out, it becomes real. But it's not only in my head; it's in Allen's, too, and its already started to become reality. And that gives me courage.

"I really like you, Allen, and you know what I'm talking about." I stare down into my lap. I don't want to look up at him. I thought I knew exactly how he's react, but that doesn't mean I can face it.

When Allen doesn't say anything I look up at him, and he's staring into his lap as I was, and he's blushing fiercely, just like I probably was.

"I know you've been through a lot, with your arm and scar and all, but I'm not judging you on any of it. You know I've been through a lot too." His eyes shoot to the hallway, to his door maybe, and I don't understand, but I continue anyway. "You told me you wanted to trust me. I'm telling you, you can." I lay my hand on my leg, wanting to reach out to him. He doesn't move, but by the look on his face, I can tell his mind is reeling. "I can't take it. It hurts _me_, Allen, that you're so worried about one of your secrets getting out. You feel like you can't trust anyone. Even Lenalee. But I don't think I feel about you the same way Lenalee does."

I feel like I'm going to break again. He's not responding at all, and I can only dream of what he's thinking about, and its making me panic. I reach my hand out even farther and I lay it on top of his. It's cold, and I'm hoping against hopes that he won't back away. "Allen."

I watch his eyes slam shut and his jaw clench, like before. "Allen. You can trust me." There's a long pause.

"When I was six..."

_Finally._ I'm smiling before I can hold it back, and it morphs into a kind one, and I see he's staring at our hands. I squeeze his lightly and his eyes shut again, but not in frustration this time. He continues, his voice breaking. "My foster father, Mana... We got into a car accident. H-he..."

I flip his hand over and take it in my own. It's even colder, and he seems to have gone pale. "He was killed. And I... Got my scar."

When he mentions it, I want to lift up my hand and cup his cheek, brush away his hair, something, but I resist the urge. It probably wouldn't be appreciated. "And m-my arm..."

His voice is getting more shaky, and he doesn't look like he's continuing. "Alle-"

"I can't. Mana... I can't do it."

I wasn't holding his hand tightly, but he yanks it from my grasp and runs into his room. His door slams, and I'm left there on the couch. When all goes silent, I stand and walk to knock at his door. When he doesn't respond, I open the door slowly. There's still no protest, and I swing it open the rest of the way.

Allen must have pulled his shirt off and thrown it across the room, and he's sitting on his bed, leaning against the wall, and his left side is to me, and I get a good look at his infamous left arm as it holds up his head.

The first thing I notice is that it's a deep red. There are a few patches of lighter skin, especially more towards the back of his arm and around towards his elbow. There's a strange cross on the back of his hand that I can't associate with any kind of scar. It's ragged where the scar meets the normal skin just below his shoulder, and I can clearly make out the veins that appear to keep it attached. His fingernails are black and long, which strikes me as extremely odd.

That's when he grabs his coat and glove and pushes past me, and I realize I've only been standing there for a matter of seconds, when it felt like whole minutes. I don't chase after him, and I hear the front door open and slam closed. I sigh, knowing where he went.

I look around his room, and a drawing over his bed catches my eye. It's hung haphazardly. I walk over to it, and it looks like someone sleeping. Looking more intently, I realize their back and sides are covered in marks, scars maybe. It takes me a moment to realize its my own body; I'd recognize my own back. When did he see my that? How'd he recreate it so exact? I'm confused, and even more baffled that he didn't bring it up at all. I sigh. I have to go rescue him again.

**ooOIOoo**

They say that if you don't stop someone from doing something, it means secretly, you want them to do it.

_He saw it..._

I'm practically running down the sidewalk, heading to none other than the bar. I don't actually plan on drinking, but maybe some gambling will take my mind off things.

_He saw my arm. Now what do I do? It's done for. All hope's lost._

I laugh at the irony, and wiping my eyes, but I'm still a while away from tears. I close in on the bar and pause to catch my breath before I enter. I'd like to put my hair up, maybe disguise myself a little bit, but that doesn't seem like its going to happen. I throw on my jacket and zip it up, and slip on my glove. I walk in calmly and I start hearing whispers.

"...not possible..."

"...deck had five aces..."

I turn around and someone's at my back. Before either of us say anything, someone behind us shouts. "Get the cheater!"

My eyes go wide and I instinctively bolt. The man there is one step ahead of me, and grabs my wrist and twists it abnormally, and I crumple to the ground. He drags me to my feet and pushes me outside and I'm already preparing to stand and fight when two others follow him outside.

There's no way I can run from this. Rain already blurring my senses, they slowly begin to circle around me. I take a deep breath. I manage to block the first punch, then throw the second. It lands, but I know I'm doomed; there isn't any way out of this, but I'll fight until I can't anymore. The only person I'll be troubling is Lenalee, but it's only _me. _She'll be okay.

The other two surround me, and I take four good blows to the stomach, which I accept gracefully, but I can tell one guy wasn't only using his fists, because I can feel blood trickling down my stomach, even if the rest of me is numb. I accept the fact that if I can't manage to get away, I'm probably going to bleed out and die right here. I deliver a swift punch in the jaw and the victim switches out with the thug behind him. I'm busy blocking one while the other sends me flying. At least I'm out of the ruckus, maybe I can make my comeback. I wait for one of the idiots to charge me, and I catch him unexpectedly in the chest, but the other is right there and I can't keep up. I'm thrown back and I can hear my own head crack against the pavement and I grunt in agony. I try struggling free, but when the other two crowd around me, I realize I'm done for.

"C'mon guys. I think he's learned his lesson."

I feel like a dead man walking, but I still prop myself up on my elbows. "Does it look like I'm done?" Might as well use the energy I have left. Suddenly, I'm thinking about Lavi. How would he react if someone called him, telling him I was dead? _He'd say,_ 'good riddance', I tell myself.

I can't hear them over the blood rushing through my ears, but two guys leave and the original returns to stand over me. I leap to my feet, and my head throbs in protest. Despite the blood in my eyes and blurred vision, I still fight back. He blocks my punch with ease and I try an uppercut. He grabs my fist and tosses me back. I keep my balance, surprisingly, but its my already bad wrist, and the pain is unbearable as I fall to my knees. I work my hardest to stand, and I'm using the building for support, and suddenly there's a third party again. All I see is the thug thrown off to the side like a bag of garbage, and then he must decide to run, because he's not there anymore. Either someone worse has decided _he_ wants to be the one to watch the light leave my eyes, or I have a rescue party. I suspect the first, and when I move to swing at whoever, they shush me. I'm in too much pain to fight anyway, but I can hear the last of Mana's voice; _"Never stop. Keep walking..."_ Everything fades to black.

"Lavi..."

**ooOIOoo**

_Thank goodness I got here when I did..._

When Allen passes out, I'm glad I was quick to catch him, because I don't think he could have withstood another blow. I'm afraid to breathe on him.

I lift him onto my back, and I try to be careful not to jostle him around to much.

I start the walk home, and sigh as I look I over at him. His hair is red and sticky, and his face is covered in blood, which is stuck to his head and my shoulders from the rain. Unconsciously, he hides his face in my neck. I'm glad, mostly because I can keep an eye on his breathing, because right now it's very shallow.

"Allen, you're an idiot," I huff. "Why would you run like that? If anyone, shouldn't I be the only one with rights to run?" I sigh, holding him up on my back. _Halfway there._

An image flashes behind my eyelid and suddenly I'm having a hard time standing, let alone carrying Allen.

"_You're going to drown in your own blood."_

I find my balance and try desperately to shake the voice out of my head. It's deep and raspy and I recognize it. _Not now... Any time but now. _I pick up the hike to the house right where I left off, with renewed vigor.

"_You want your parents to save you?"_

I'm shaking my head violently now, and I glance up, and Allen's still blacked out.

_No. He's the one in trouble. I've already had my fair share of saving. It's his turn._

"Allen..."

"_Call for them..."_

"L-Lavi..."

My eye widens, realizing he's sort of conscious. My back starts feeling warm and wet, and I takes a moment to realize that it's his blood. It's a lot of blood he's lost, and I try to walk faster, but I don't want to bounce too much. He's the rope pulling me from my past, but I'm starting to panic. We're almost home. "Hold on, Allen."

I finally reach the door and when I race in, I don't even bother to shut it. As gently as I can, I lower Allen onto the couch, and I lay him out flat. Immediately I pull off my shirt and there are bloodstains all down the back.

My calm mask starts to crack.

My eye starts to sting and I ball up my shirt and put it behind Allen's head. I go close the door, and when I come back, I start by unzipping Allen's jacket pulling off his glove and I'm glad that's all he's wearing.

Another chip.

There are already bruises forming on his chest and his left wrist looks broken the way it's hanging. Lowering onto my knees beside him, my eye burns ferociously, and even where my right eyes is missing, I can feel phantom achs of what it felt like, trying to hold back such pain.

One more fracture.

My eye-patch that I threw on haphazardly before leaving on my rescue mission is back on the coffee table, and I push it out of my way. Moving towards his head, I see the massive amounts of blood on my shirt that weren't there before. _ If I was any faster I could've stopped this..._

And finally my mask is in shards, scattered.

My hand finds is way into Allen's forehead and gently, I'm pulling bloodstained hair from his face as my head falls into my other palm, and I can feel tears rolling down my cheek.

"L-... Lavi..."

My eye jumps from the floor to Allen in an instant. "Allen..? Allen!?" I'm standing, and hovering over him. "Allen, please wake up."

His eyes flutter open, and I fall back to my knees with relief. My hand returns to his hair and my other arm wraps itself around his, vaguely aware his wrist is broken, but mildly indifferent nonetheless.

"Lavi? What happened?" I straighten enough to look into his eyes. They're cloudy, but at least he's awake.

"You got knocked out in a fight. You're home now." I slouch against him and the couch, "I'm so glad you're okay," I mumble. I look up one more time, "Don't fall asleep okay? I think you got a concussion."

He hums a note and my hand leaves his hair. "Okay?"

He nods, but I'm not convinced. "Allen..!"

His eyes open and he stares groggily at me. He coughs into the elbow of his jacket and there's a blood spot there that wasn't before.

"You carried me home?" I nod and wipe my eye with back of my hand. He mumbles something that I make out to be, 'best boyfriend ever' and my eye widens for a number of reasons.

"What? Allen! No sleep! Remember?"

"But my head hurts."

A small laugh escapes me. "C'mon, sit up."

He cries out in pain as he tries it himself, and I'm immediately standing. I wrap my arm under his arms and, using the arm of the couch as leverage, get him sitting normally.

I take a knee in front of him again and his jacket starts to fall off his shoulders and he hurries and puts it back, suddenly looking very sad. "Lavi, my-... My arm." He looks away from me, like he remembered all of a sudden that he doesn't want me looking at it.

"You wanna know what I think about your arm?"

If it was possible, he turns father away from me. I reach to his collarbone with each hand and start inching off his jacket. Allen starts to protest, but once it falls behind him, he only looks like he's about to start crying, and very hard; like he's ashamed for having that arm, and that it's in my presence. I turn his face back towards me with my hand, and when he's staring at me finally, I see he _is_ crying, and it only makes me tear up worse.

I'm cracked, but I manage to hold back how much I want to lean for him and let my lips land on his. There will be a time for that, and it's not now. It would probably only make the situation worse. But I lay my hands gently on his shoulders and force him to stare at me, and I can tell he's scanning back and forth between my eye and my scar; I can feel it, but I want him to only focus on _me. _"So you have have a scar. So do I. Personally, I think it's cool lookin'; you should show it off more often."

He simply stares back at me, into my eye instead of my socket, like he doesn't understand. He doesn't look like he can process the fact that, not only can someone accept his arm, but like it. My thumb runs circles unconsciously on his shoulders and he glances at one of my hands. It stills, and I let them slide down his arms, and finally release at his elbows. His left side squirms, and I stand up and sit to his right.

"I think we should take you to the hospital."

I look up at him, and he seems slightly more dazed, and I realize that could've been potentially a bad idea. He doesn't seem to be any more shaken than he has been after the fight, but I can't tell what's going on inside his head.

It takes a moment, but his eyes finally rise to mine. He looks apprehensive, but snaps out of it quickly. A gentle smile falls over him, and starts to shake his head, but stops and holds his temples.

"You should at least take a shower. You're covered in blood."

He sighs and looks down at his feet, like he's wondering if he can actually stand long enough for that.

I stand up and turn back to him, offering him my hand. "C'mon. I'll help you there."

He looks at me, then my hand. He hesitates, and I realize why; I'm on his left, I think his wrist is broken on that side. I move to his other side and he takes my hand. I grasp it and he uses me to pull himself up. He stays doubled over for a moment, and gradually manages to stand straight.

"Try not to sit if you intend to get up again," I warn. "Okay?"

He nods and wraps his arm around my neck, and I mine under his arm and around his back.

I start off slowly, and when his legs seem work fine, I help him hobble to the bathroom. He leans against the sink, "I'm okay."

I laugh and leave to snoop through his room to find his cell phone. It's on the little table by his bed, amongst other things that I leave alone. I search it for numbers, and finally find Cross'. I hit green for go and it rings for a long while. Eventually:

"Brat?! What do you want?!"

"It's number two, your Ass-lyness."

"Even worse. What do you want, idiot? And make it fast!"

"We need the car."

"What?! No way."

"You're not even going to ask why?"

"No, I don't care, it's my car. You can't have it."

I sigh. It's like having a conversation with a stubborn dolphin. "Are you drunk? Long story short, Allen's hurt and needs to go to the hospital."

I hear him scoff, "Why would I care?"

"He is the one who pays off your debts, isn't he? What if he dies? Then what?"

"I-"

"And you aren't getting a penny out of me."

There's long pause, then I hear him sigh. "Fine. Give me two hours."

"No. One."

"What?! Listen. I'm the boss of you, not the other way around."

I can hear giggling in the background, and it sounds like a bunch of people have gotten up and left. "Ah, good. Now you don't have any distractions. One hour."

He starts to tell something, but I hang up before he can even start the sentence. I put Allen's phone back where I found it just as I hear the water from the shower stop.

I walk over to the door and knock. "Hey, Cross is going to be here in an hour, and I'm taking you to the hospital, okay?"

"I'm fine."

I scoff. "No you're not. Were a least getting your wrist set."

"I'm telling you I'm fi-" He cuts himself off with a yell and I cringe for him.

"Hit your wrist? Yeah, you're going." I hear him hiss, at me or the pain I'm not sure, but I leave for my room before he can object. I hear the bathroom door open and his close and I plop down on my bed. I turn onto my side and curl enough to stop from falling over.

_I showed up late. I could've, I should have been there sooner and he wouldn't have to go to the hospital. I'm just glad I wasn't there any later, or I probably would've lost him._

My eye squeezes shut and my fists clench along with my jaw. I don't want to think about it. There's a knock at my doorframe (my door is hardly ever closed) and I jump up to see Allen stand there. His hair is wet, but still tinged red. _Is his head still bleeding?_

"Um..?"

It takes me a second to realize he's probably here for a reason. I nod and sit up, sort of confused. He walks in and sits on the edge of my mattress. He's still covering his left arm, and he's holding it up against his chest. I don't think he's wearing his glove though, just a long-sleeve shirt.

"I-..." I try to start, but I think everything is self-explanatory already. I feel like it's still necessary, though. "I'm sorry. About... That." I look at him, and he's just staring off into the empty space between us. "I just... Was really scared, ya' know?"

His gaze falls, and I suddenly wonder why exactly he came here, because I don't think it was for an explanation.

"I'm not used to people... Accepting it." He looks even lower and I think he's going to face-plant into his knees. "Even I think it's disgusting."

"Alle-"

He shakes his head, "You'll understand. Eventually."

He seems extra nervous, like he's waiting for me to yell or vomit or something, but I don't. I look from him, to his left hand, which definitely looks broken. I reach for his forearm, wanting to get a better look at his wrist, and he flinches.

I look up at him as I reach again. He watches my eye and when my hand gets almost close enough to touch his arm, I glance at it, then back to him. "Do you trust me?"

I watch him swallow, but he nods. Closing the gap, I wrap my hand gently around the middle of his forearm. I rest his hand in mine, letting it go where it wants, trying my best not to hurt him anymore, but I still hear him cringe. I try to pull up his sleeve to see his wrist and he starts flinching away again. I pause, but he stops me, "No. It-it's okay. I trust you."

I survey what I can see, and it looks awful. Pretty bruised and bloody, even against the deep red scar-tissue and I really start to hope Cross hurries.

I gently give him his arm back and sit up cross legged, completely ignoring his arm in front of me, "You got pretty banged up, huh?"

He looks surprised that I changed topics on him, but he laughs. "Yeah. Broke my wrist even before the fight started."

I laugh lightly and shake my head at him. "I should have gotten there sooner." I'm laughing, but my tone is anything but cheerful. It really was my fault.

I take a deep breath and Allen's opposite hand is on my shoulder. I glance up at him slowly.

"It's not your fault. It's mine, for running; I didn't trust you. And... And I didn't think you were coming. At all." He lowers his hand and it falls onto his leg.

I'm close to breaking again, and my gaze falls into my lap. "Why would you think that?" It's comes out harsher than I would have liked, and Allen's hand retreats farther, and I mentally scold myself at my poor choice of words. Although, his words don't reflect his actions as I would've expected.

"I guess I'm not used to having a hero."

Suddenly, I want to just get up and wrap my arms around him, laying here forever. His past seems almost more depressing than mine. At least I sort of had a rescuer. Cross doesn't really count.

My history is very clouded, I remember it was painful. Allen's is lonely and sad. But I moved past mine, and I plan to help him do the same.

"Now you finally do."

He glances away, a gentle smirk on his face. I face him and return the smile.

"Lavi, I'm tired. Can I take a nap..?"

I scoot towards him and rough up his hair. He swats me away, but I can tell its half-assed. "No. No naps. I told you, you might have a concussion, and you could go into a-a coma or something."

Allen laughs and pushes past me, laying down in my bed. I put a hand on each of his shoulders, shaking him gently, making sure not to injure him any more than he is. He groans and I have to stop. "Allen, what did I tell you?"

He shrugs and his eyes close slowly. "You were going to join me?"

I roll my eye, but inside I'm starting to panic. I move to lean over him and poke his face, then his collarbone. He grunts again, but I'm done playing around. "Allen, that's your concussion talking, now wake up." He manages to sit up, and I help him, and when he finally opens his eyes, I stand and offer him a hand. "C'mon, lets go to the living room."

He sighs into his lap, and raises his hand for me to take. I do, and I start pulling him up. He cringes a bit, but I get him up. I make him walk in front of me and I help him sit down on the couch. It should still be twenty minutes before Cross gets here.

"How bad does your head hurt anyway?"

His right hand goes to his forehead and his face falls into it. "A lot...? Is it still bleeding?"

I sit facing him, my leg folded under me. I move to look and I can clearly see it is. "It's not too bad," I lie. It's easy to see against his white hair, even if most of it is already stained red. I comb through some of his hair with my fingers, seeing if I can find where it's coming from. Allen's head drops a little more. When my hand finds the wound, he hisses and starts to cringe away. I back off just enough and he comes back, resting his elbow on his knee as he sits, his other arm sitting across his chest.

"Sorry."

"S'okay."

I keep combing his hair back from his face, but I'm not looking for his injuries anymore. One more pass and I let my hand fall into my lap. I see him glance at me from the corner of his eye, and I desperately want to know what he's thinking.

That's when we hear a car horn outside the front door. Has it already been an hour?

"Sounds like Cross is here. Need some help getting up?"

Allen looks up at me and his eyes have gone cloudy again. He nods, and I move to his good side. Wrapping my arm under his, I help lift him up. It still takes him a second to stand straight, but once he is, I let him go and walk closely at his side, in case he stumbles.

That's when Cross walks in and looks us both over, then inspects Allen a bit more closely. "He's looked worse," the dick mumbles as he walks off into the kitchen. I roll my eye and try to brush off the comment that might have been intended to me. Has he really?

I hold open the door for him as he passes through it, and doesn't comment. That usually means he appreciates it, and I take the silent 'thank you.' I stand by on the off chance he needs help into the passengers seat, then take the driver's side.

"That way."

I turn and see him pointing in front of me, and I see he's finally accepted the fact that I'm taking him to the hospital. I take off in that direction, and follow his cues until we're finally at the white-brick building.


	8. Chapter 8

**Pre-interlude! I wasn't exactly expecting this to turn out the way it did, but what happened, happened and this is just a fair warning. There's been an, uh, edit to the rating...? Um, adult themes? And a quick reminder; I do not own D. Gray-Man or any of the characters! I just like making them _dance. _C;**

* * *

I work to climb out of the car by myself before Lavi can run over and help me up. Not only did he save me at the bar from those thugs, he carried me all the way home, and has been helping me around the whole time, not to mention this morning. I don't really want to mention my arm, but he did see it and I can't even think about that right now. There's just been too much today. Again.

I try to straighten quickly to stop Lavi from worrying. My entire torso is burning, but I swallow the pain and follow him through the hospital door, which slides open just before we get to it.

Lavi makes me sit down and he brings me the clipboard with the stupid paperwork, then brings it back for me. I keep my broken wrist on my lap or across my chest and out of the way and Lavi tries to make small talk, but I'm just trying to keep the pain off of my face. It seems like almost two hours before my name is called.

I get up and walk towards the hallway where the nurse gestures, and Lavi calls behind me, "Now be a good boy and you might get a sticker!" I try to laugh with him, but the pain is too harsh.

Finally, the doctor finds me, and I tell him about my fight and obviously my wrist. He asks if I have a parent of guardian waiting for me outside and I lie and tell him Cross is in the waiting room, but he's probably asleep.

That's when the doctor gestures to see my wrist. Honestly, I don't want even him seeing my arm, but it's not like I have a choice. I'm not wearing my glove, so I just yank up my sleeve, and I see him practically flinch as he looks away. _You're a doctor, and this damn scar makes you cringe?_

"I see that arm is doing fine," he says, fumbling through a file, "I'm surprised. You should be glad we were able to save it."

He turns back to me, "You're going to need some x-rays, but we should be able to get it set today." I'm glad that he doesn't let that topic linger. I'm already feeling the emotions that train along whenever I start thinking about my arm, whenever I start remembering it's history...

I huff, remembering I'm in a (mildly) public place, and he steps out, asking me to follow.

We're done with the x-rays and I'm back in the exam room with the doctor who's in the wrong line of work, since he has a hard time looking at my arm directly, but my records are blunt; "car accident, amputated left arm, skin grafts."

An hour later and my wrist is finally set and casted. I'm just glad it hadn't started to heal, so they didn't have to re-break the bones, but it was still painful nonetheless.

It's been quite a while since we arrived, so I assume Lavi has left, and is waiting me to call him and tell him I need a ride home. I search my phone for his number and head into the waiting room, about to call him, but he's there, half asleep in a chair.

"Lavi?"

He jumps awake and almost headbutts me. I leap back out of surprise and his eye immediately goes to my new, silver cast. He hums a note at it, but I'm not sure what it means. "How long," he asks, finally looking up at me.

I shrug, "He said three weeks..."

He snorts in what seems to be amusement. "C'mon, it's late. Let's get home." He turns and heads out the automatic sliding door and I follow. I've been standing a while, and standing, then sitting and standing again, and my stomach is really hurting right about now. I just want to go home and take a nap. I'm so tired...

Suddenly I feel Lavi's hands at my waist and around my arm. I'm confused, but he looks extremely worried.

"Allen! Geeze, like you haven't fallen over enough today."

That's when I realize that he's setting me back on my feet. Did I really almost fall over? Damn. I need to get home.

"I'm okay..." Lavi holds onto my elbow as I get walking again. His grip lowers to my wrist and as he lets go, I feel his hand brush against mine, and my stomach feels like I'm falling again. I want to grab ahold of him again, but I steady myself. Now it'd be unnecessary. Right? Right...

We finally reach the car and I plop into my seat quickly. He lowers himself into the driver's seat next to me and I almost fall asleep on the way home, but every time I get close, Lavi pats me on the shoulder, or knocks on my cast which, although I won't it admit to him, hurts.

We get home and we walk in, Lavi holding the door for me. I want to lie down on the couch and take a Lavi-sized nap, but I have a feeling he won't let me; he's still hung up on the possibility I have a concussion. So instead, I sit down and fling my head over the back of the couch, unintentionally revealing my scar. Lavi sits down the way he does, sitting on his leg to face me. He looks directly at my scar, and I have to close my eyes and pretend he isn't to stop myself from hiding it again. I really want to trust him, and I hate that I have to force myself to do that, and to let him see my scars. I don't _really_ think somewhere deep down he'll do anything to hurt me, do I?

_Better safe than sorry._

Just as I open my eyes and prepare to sit up, I see his hand abnormally close to my face. It sort of shocks me, but I restrain from flinching. "Uh, Lavi...? Whatcha doin'?"

Just then, I feel the pad of Lavi's thumb brush over my scar. My stomach flips and my eyes quickly shut on their own. If that arm wasn't in a cast, I probably would've slapped him away. I hesitate to pull away from him, wondering what it would accomplish, but before I get the chance to act, his hand is gone. I turn to look at him, and he's no longer facing me, but the TV like he's wondering if anything good would be on right about now.

Without thinking, I stand and move to sit on Lavi's other side. His eye follows me as I do it and when I sit down, he stands to turn on the TV (probably just for noise; I have a feeling he isn't in the mood for television) and as he comes back, drops his eye-patch onto the coffee table, and sits where I put him, on my right.

He sits and faces the TV, but his gaze falls into his lap, like he's thinking about something; weighing pros and cons.

"Lavi?"

He glances up at me, but doesn't progress any further. After a moment, he looks to his shoes again. I lay my hand on his knee, and lean down to him. He shakes his head, but I can't tell if it's for me, or himself. I try and shake him, but his head shakes again, and I assume its directed for me. I lean back and he sits like Lavi again, facing me. I was right; he wasn't in the mood for TV.

"This morning, I hope you didn't take what I said lightly."

I don't know how to react, but I recognize his expression because it's one that I wear often. It's one of distrust.

I'm slightly taken aback at the sudden seriousness. It takes me a moment to remember exactly what happened this morning that he's referring to. The bar fight shook me up pretty well, but I can remember what he told me. It's vague, and I'm having a hard time believing that it actually happened, that he actually said it...

I nod nonetheless. He nods too, and a small smile appears on his face. It's tiny, but I notice it.

I lay my hand back on his knee and he leans back, finally settling into actually watch TV, but I can tell his mind is still reeling. He looks like he's trying to get into my mind, trying to figure out what I'm thinking and feeling, and honestly, I'm doing the same. He said... What exactly did he say?

_If you haven't noticed by now..._

He's trying to make it obvious, I assume. Is he being obvious whether he wants to or not, though? Can he see through me as easily as I'm suppose to see through him? And if he can, is that a good thing..?

There are so many questions running through my head, but Lavi snaps my out of it, but I don't realize how until I'm looking down at our hands. _Our_ hands.

His is placed his on top of mine and he's slid them both off his knee and onto his thigh. Two entirely different emotions, swirl around between my stomach and my head, and I'm not sure which one I want more right now. I want to pull my hand away and huddle into my corner of the couch, and wait for a more appropriate time to leave, but another part of me wants to flip my hand around under his and let whatever happens, happen.

Instead, I'm frozen. Lavi looks too, like he hadn't noticed he'd done it. He glances up at me, looking for clues on how to react, I guess, and I can feel my face heating up. When he sees this and I don't move, he picks an emotion for me, and lifts his hand to turn mine over on his leg. When he puts his hand back down on top, his fingers fall in between mine.

I've forgotten all about the pain in my chest and stomach, and now it won't stop the acrobats. Almost unintentionally, my hand wraps itself around Lavi's and I know my face has gotten even brighter red, just from his expression, when I finally get the guts to look up at him. The distrust has left his face, and an almost confident smile is in its place. I try to match it, but it doesn't work, and I'm just staring at him confused. He laughs and I don't completely understand why, until I realize I'm probably making some odd faces. I would have crossed my arms, but one is in a cast, and my other hand is a bit occupied, and I don't particularly want to move it right now.

I hear the rain start back up again, and as soon as it does, the power snaps off.

There's hardly enough light for me to see him, but I can tell Lavi's looking at me. He starts to laugh, "Well, now what do we do?"

I start to laugh in reply, but it's cut short at my first thought; _talk about our scars._

What? Since when have I ever _wanted_ to do that? Oh yeah, that's right, since I've met Lavi. _Let's just divert attention _away_ from that topic, shall we?_

"You could... Play guitar."

Immediately he shakes his head. "No, thank you. You could, on the other hand, draw me like one of your french girls." I look up, and he's eying me suggestively, simply sitting on the couch. I can't help but break up in laughter, but the pain in my stomach is telling me to stop, but I don't listen to it.

"See? It's a great idea."

I shake my head slowly. "Not... Really."

I think he shrugs. "What time is it," I ask, glancing around the room for any signs of light. That's when I remember I have my phone. I pull it out and I read that it's eight-thirty. I tell Lavi when he looks like he's about to ask, and I sigh, and when he squeezes my hand, I realize they're still intertwined. I feel my face heat up again and when he looks over at me, he laughs. "Allen?"

I slowly move my gaze to him, even though its dark. He squeezes my hand again when I'm finally looking at him.

"Shut up..."

He starts laughing again and I can't help but copy him. "We should get to bed, it's a school night," I suggest once we each calm down.

He turns to me, his expression entirely serious, "Your place or mine?"

_Is he kidding? I hope he's kidding. Right?_

I'm sitting straight up, probably looking pretty shocked, and he smirks. "Fine, I guess we'll just go our separate ways..." He fakes a sad sigh and stands, releasing my hand in the process. Once he's gone, I want to yell for him to come back. He turns around once before disappearing down the hallway, "Goodnight Allen."

Once he's gone down the hall, I stand and I hear his door close. I walk up to his room, thinking about knocking. _Is this a challenge? He wants me to, right? Do I want to? _ A better question would be, 'am I brave enough to.'

I gently and silently rest my head on his door, cursing myself for not being brave enough. That's when his door swings open.

I don't have anyway of catching myself or regaining my balance, and I fall right into Lavi. Either thankfully, or with a stroke of bad luck, my face lands in the center of his chest and my first realization is that he's shirtless. Or naked.

"I knew you'd come," he says extremely snarky. His arms snake up and wrap around my shoulders, and suddenly, I wouldn't care if _I _was naked.

Why? Why- I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for these feelings. No matter how much I might want them now, do I deserve them? If my head doesn't want them, can my heart accept them?

I decide my head's going to have to get over it when my uninjured arm does the same around his torso and my cast sits between us.

I sigh a mental sigh of relief when I realize he does in fact have his jeans still on.

"Where's your shirt?" I don't move, and I feel him laughing more than I can hear it.

"What? I'm not allowed to sleep shirtless? It was your idea to go to bed anyway. If anything, you're the weird one for having a shirt _on_."

I don't know how to react to his comment. I just kind of laugh and sneer at him, but I feel like he's vaguely trying to imply something, and I'm not entirely sure what. It is going to be difficult getting dressed with the cast and only one arm but...

"So?"

I break from my thoughts and glance at him. He's got his bad eyebrow raised, and I think it looks funny over his scar like that. "What?"

"I know you're here for a reason," he replies, singsong.

I want to reply something funny, or suggestive, or at least truthful, but I don't have the courage. I hate this feeling. I'm getting tired of it. Can I just _tell him_ why I'm here?

"I think I need an extra hand."

I don't think I realize exactly what I signed onto until Lavi loosens his hold around my shoulders and lowers his arms around my waist, sliding one of his hands onto my back, under my shirt. Naturally, I gasp, but he doesn't remove it. With his other arm still around me, he starts walking backwards into his room. I have to follow or risk both of us falling, and I think I've done enough of that lately. His hand that's still up my shirt starts making its way to my waist and his other releases me. Soon, he has both of his hands resting on my hips and I'm staring at him with many emotions. Apparently he doesn't fully believe trust is in the mix, because he's looking at me with almost sad eyes.

"Do you trust me?"

Without thinking, I look away and shake my head. "I-..."

"I'm not going to force you, " he interrupts. "Do you?"

Honestly, I don't know. But I want this badly. I want to trust him, but what does trust feel like anyway?

He's still looking at me apprehensively. I don't nod or shake my head, "I want this."

I'm glad when he takes this as a yes. He holds up his hand on my left side with my cast. "Give me your hand."

Nervously, I do, and he starts unrolling my sleeve from around my elbow, using his hand and body and pushing against mine for leverage. He pulls my sleeve down my arm and over the cast. It's a tight fit but he manages it. Without warning, his hands return to my waist and I try not to jump. He laughs lightly but I'm still on the verge of panic on the inside. He starts moving his hands up my torso, taking my shirt with him. My breath hitches in my throat at the feeling and suddenly I'm considering asking him to stop. I can get it from here, he doesn't need to bother with me anymore, but no matter how much I try talking myself out of this, it doesn't seem to work. Lavi's hands are quickly around my ribcage, finding their way under my arms and working the clothing off of my shoulders. "L-Lavi." Even I'm surprised at how shaky my voice is.

His eye never really left my face, but now he's staring into me with more focus.

I don't continue, and he lets loose a genuine smile and helps with the last of my shirt. He lifts it over my head and my arm, but it's stuck at my cast. I start to pull it off myself, but his hands stop me swiftly, getting in my way. I let him pull my shirt over the cast and he lets it fall to the floor. I watch it, and when I look back up at Lavi, I don't know what's going to happen next, or how I should react to it when it does.

Lavi's hands return to my waist, but before either of us can move, one of them shoots up and cups my cheek. He lets his thumb ghost over my scar again and I can barely feel it.

I'm done with thinking now; it's all reactions and I can hardly control any of them. I lean into his palm and he does it again, more confidently. My good arm wraps around his torso and instinctively pulls him closer to me. He doesn't protest, and instead does the same. Next thing I realize, we're standing chest-to-chest, and honestly, I'm afraid of where this might go from here, but he's so warm...

I'm staring down at where my skin becomes his. It's easy to see the contrast, but without it, we could be one person. I can tell he's looking down at me, and it might be strange, but I'm glad he's not sure how to proceed. All I can ask of him is to not make an awkward situation.

_Too late..._

"Allen, do you want to go bed now? _Your_ bed?"

I nod my head calmly and Lavi begins to loosen his grip, and when I don't release him at first, he laughs. When he puts a hand on each of my shoulders, I realize its been long enough, and I let go and take a step back. He lets his hands fall off casually as I bend down and pick up my shirt with only two fingers. It trails behind me as I walk, since I only grabbed the crinkled sleeve.

"Goodnight, Allen."

Those same words, but with much different emotion this time. It warms me to the core. "Goodnight Lavi."

I pad out of his room and into my own. I drop my shirt just inside my door and shut it behind me. I plop onto my bed, my mind blank. I'm not entirely sure what just happened, or how I feel about it. I stare at my ceiling for quite awhile, wondering what to do about the bulge in my jeans.

ooOIOoo

As Allen leaves, I quickly close my door and fall hard onto my mattress, my hand falling onto my stomach. I sigh, releasing my panic with the breath.

_He came in with a shirt on, and left without one. Strike!  
_

Oddly enough, I feel pretty proud of myself. I feel proud of Allen, too, at the fact that he followed me to my room and let everything unfold, even if he was scared. My finally slowing heart rate picks back up again when I remember the sight of him standing under me shirtless, the feeling of his skin against mine. I start thinking about what would've happened if he would've let me continue. Very quickly, the blood rushes to my groin. I groan at my mental images and the sensation. It's not exactly welcome, but not entirely unwelcome.

_It's too late to turn back now, _I reason.

My hand slides down my torso and under the waist of my jeans and stills there. I try not to pretend that it's Allen's hand out of pure respect and morality, but the thought is just too erotic not to. I move my other hand from under my head and unbutton my jeans, then it returns to where it was. I fight my way through the scratchy red curls there and I'm breathing more huskily. My hand finds what it's looking for and I'm still thinking of Allen. When I realize how mortified, how appalled he might be if he knew I was fantasizing about him like this, I groan. Somehow, it only adds to the situation. I start a rhythm, still imagining it's his hand.

My hips buck into my hand and a moan escapes me. I'm hoping Allen is asleep and how it would lower the chances of him hearing dramatically. But my mind wanders to the possibility that we think alike and he's in the other room, in a messier state than I am. My stomach flips and everything intensifies; the feeling of my hand and the pressure behind it. When I can't take much more, with a final unintentional buck of my hips (of course, earning another moan), everything releases, and it's almost painful. I'm just glad my sheets are already white.

I'm too tired to worry about cleaning up, but I find a (maybe) dirty shirt on my floor and at least wipe my chest off.

"Allen," I sigh, "Why do you do this to me?" I roll over onto my side and bury my face in my pillow. Of course I'm still thinking abut him and now I feel incredibly guilty. I'm shocked at myself that I let that happen. My eye slides closed and I realize how sleepy I am. "I'm sorry..."

And with that, I fall into one of my worst nightmares yet.

_I'm alone in that room again, that room that scares me to the bone, saps my strength and pulls the happiness from my heart. It's as dark as I remember it, but that isn't the only memory that strikes me. I remember being here for months. I remember coming here with two eyes, and only leaving with one._

"_Call for them..."_

_My dream-self jumps at the sudden voice. It's also just how I remember, deep, chilling and overall the worst sound I've ever heard in my life._

"_Your parents are at fault. You are here because of them. Call for them. Have them fix their mistakes, before I do."_

_A bright light flashes on and I can finally take in the accuracy from my memory. I guess when you're in the room you think will end up as your grave, your subconscious takes in as many minute details as it can. Maybe it was trying to distract me from the pain. Of course, a photographic memory doesn't hurt._

_The man with the voice stands over me, and he's holding... Something. It's stained deep red, almost brown and I can only imagine it's blood. Instinctively, I try backing into the wall behind me even further, even though I'm already leaning against it. He bends down, and without a guilt in the world, reaches around and stabs it into my side. Fierce pain erupts there, and I cry out to match it. _

_Usually, this is the part where I wake up. I guess tonight is not my lucky night._

_I can still remember what that _exact_ wound felt like; the _precise_ shape of the scar it left me, even among the others that littered my body._

_When I'm silent afterward, the man stands straight. He looks at me, disappointed. "No? Okay then." With a sudden movement, he kicks and jams the toe of his boot into the seething wound. A mangled scream leaves my mouth. The only other thing that escapes me are the tears, hot and angry, and I realize I still have each my eyes. The worst is yet to come._

_The man turns and leaves, but I know he's coming back eventually. I know he's not done with me. "He's lying," I remember telling myself. "It's not my parent's fault. It's his."_

_That's when he returns with the spoon. It's not really a spoon, but it resembles one perfectly. Honestly, it looked more like a medieval melon-baller, and as soon as my eyes fall on it, I know my fate. When he squats down in front of me, I face it with as much courage as I can muster. I prepare to grip, jab or pull at my last injury, hoping if I can create more pain there, this won't seem as significant._

_I couldn't have been more wrong._

_He places his hand strategically over my face, pulling open my right eye and slamming my head against the concrete wall behind me in the process._

"_This will make you yell." I didn't think his voice could have gotten more disturbing, but it did, and me readied the 'spoon' over my eye. I take a deep breath and as soon as it touches me, it's immediate agony. I'm glad I took the breath, because I can't breathe at all now. My hand instinctively clamps, and what's under it is the most previous wound, and it only intensifies the pain sparking in my right eye. Black and white spots dance and colors fade. My head starts to hurt, and I can only assume it's my brain personally asking the man to stop. I don't even have the capacity to yell of scream or cry anymore. I can taste blood as it drips into my gaping mouth, and I can smell it as it slides nonchalantly through my tear ducts and out my nose. I'm trembling as I watch my own blood splatter over the man's face, and he only grins with excitement and insanity._

"_Call for them..."_

* * *

**Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while. I've been having a really bad _low _lately, but I'm slowly rebounding.  
**

**Anyway, I hope this holds a bit of what you've been waiting for. C; You should be glad, because I cannot begin to describe the feels I was getting writing this. _So awkward...!_**

**Bbuuuutttt~! Who didn't expect that? I sure as hell didn't. Honest. _Honest. _Anyway, Allen is still shy, sensitive, scared, y'know, _Allen,_ and Lavi is still plain 'ol Lavi, but I want to start getting into _his_ past. The reason I've sorta kinda been avoiding it is because I don't have it rock solid yet, but I have most of the details, so I'm just gonna go ahead and see what epiphanies I can squeeze out of it all. If you haven't noticed, his is (arguably) so much more demented and awful than Allen's. I didn't really want it to work out that way, but I still think it's an ironic twist of fates(?)  
**

**I haven't mentioned this before, but my inbox is always open to questions, comments, suggestions, praise, _cookies..._ Anything! If you want to PM me just to chat, go ahead and do it. C: Pfft, it's not like I have a life anyways...**


	9. Chapter 9

I didn't wake up with a start like I expected to. Instead, it was more of a silent trembling.

The first thing I noticed was that I was laying flat out on my back, my arms spread wide, and I was shaking badly. My sheets and blankets were dispersed around my room, not a single one covering me. I told myself I was shivering like this because it was cold, but I wouldn't buy it; I knew why I was trembling.

I grabbed a blanket hurriedly and curled almost into the fetal position, trying to will myself to stop shaking.

That's when a movement at my door drew my attention.

I turned and propped myself up on one elbow and saw Allen standing there, looking in on me, which was both unnerving and funny, because I swear my door was closed when I went to sleep. His casted arm hung in front of him, crosses across his chest, and his other hand was over his mouth, like he was trying to simultaneously hold back a gasp and vomit.

I had very little options, in this situation, to keep myself in the clear. I went for the easiest. "Allen? Is something wrong?"

His jaw dropped and his hand clamped harder around his jaw, probably to keep it from dropping to the floor. "L... L-Lavi?"

He walked in slowly and anything but calmly. He kneels on the edge of my mattress, "A-are you okay?" He looked extremely panicked. A different kind of panic than what I've seen in him before. I must've shown some signs of real horror, let out agonizing, tortured cries while I was asleep. I feel sorry for him to experience that.

But I don't want him to worry. "Allen, I'm fine," I lie. It's one of my only choices left. "Are you alright? You look like you didn't sleep well."

Honestly, I'm so afraid that I still haven't stopped trembling. I'm afraid of turning back into that awful, terrified basket-case I was before I found the strength to move past my experiences. I'm afraid of loosing myself in that darkness that had once swallowed my entire life. I'm afraid that Allen's going to ask too many questions, going to find something out and demand to know more. I'm afraid I'm going to ruin... Whatever kind of relationship we've started.

As if reacting to my exact thoughts, Allen leans forward, bracing himself with his good arm against my bed. "Lavi..?" It's a plea, not a question, and by the expression in his eyes, he's silently asking to know what all that was.

My lie is already busted; right out of the gate. Suddenly, I want to take him in my arms and just lie here, telling him I'm fine, and he's fine, and everything is going to be fine. I want to him to lay his head in my lap, and we can just sit here until he gets it through his thick head that I'm fine _now_. But I know I can't, and living with him, under the same roof, in the same hallway, is finally beginning to take its toll on me. I knew the day would come that he demanded to know about my past, and all of my scars, mental and physical. I didn't, however, expect it so soon.

"I can't tell you..."

Allen's gaze falls into his lap.

"We should get ready for school." I go to stand up, and his hand stops me. Obviously neither of us are fit for school today, him physically or I mentally. My eyes dart to him, trying to figure out what he's thinking.

"Lavi, what's wrong." It's not a question. He still hasn't looked up at me.

"It was just a nightmare," I tell him. Technically, it's not a lie, but that doesn't make me feel any better. The way he looks at me... It makes me want to tell him all about my deranged history. He looks so worried, like a simple nightmare wouldn't be able to create the terror he saw in me while I was asleep. How long was he there anyway?

"Please. That wasn't any nightmare. It was a memory, wasn't it? I know that kind of pain."

I nod before I can rely on better judgment. Still, I have to tell him something. "Yeah... Yeah, but its no biggie, okay?" He looks like he wants to beg to differ, but I cut him off. "How's your arm?"

He looks down at his cast slowly, like he doesn't want to look away from my comment, like doing so would break his chances of learning more. "It's okay, I guess. It still hurts a little."

I nod and start to smile at him. He looks down at my mattress, then up to me like someone would eye a bed after a tiring vacation. I take that as an invitation. I wrap my arm around his shoulders and pull him down to lay besides me. He doesn't object in the slightest.

I had to wait for my cue, but finally I have him in my arms. Not entirely, but enough that I'm satisfied, and not tempted to go looking for more. I _do_ have horrible self-restraint.

Allen's head is laying on my shoulder and I have to rest my chin on him. I'm getting sleepy again, but I guess now would be a better time than ever to talk about... Our situation. Or nap. I like that option better, and so does my brain, because I'm out like our lights.

**ooOIOoo**

When I wake up again, I'm still on Lavi's shoulder. In his sleep, he's wrapped his other arm around me, and I've pretty much done the same. He's still asleep though, and I have to glance up at him, which is easy, because his chin is tucked into his chest. I'm still plagued by what I saw in him this morning.

He was originally what woke me up. He had cried out, but it wasn't just a cry for help, it was a yell of pure, unbridled agony. After hearing this, I had to dash to his room. He was in a contorted position, like he was trying to fight some unseen force, but it was just that; unseen, and he had already been severely wounded. Was that what he was dreaming about? Was he injured, and crying for help?

_No,_ I tell myself. _Lavi's too strong for something like that. He doesn't have a history like mine. He's strong._

But that look on his face when I opened his door... I can't shake the thought that, maybe his past is as bad as mine, or maybe worse? But if his history is more twisted and maybe even horrifying than mine, then I should be the one comforting him, not the other way around. He's missing an eye. I'm missing an arm. At least the cast covers it mostly from my sight.

I still can't believe that he was so calm about it. It's...

Can I even bring myself to say it? Even if it's only to myself; in my head? I've accepted it, of course, but I still have a hard time stomaching it. I usually forget about it's disgust factors until it become the center of my attention, like now.

Either way, there isn't much that could top what I had to deal with then. If Lavi's could... I feel selfish that I can't help him; that he won't talk to me about it, but that's mostly the entire problem. _He won't talk to me about it. _All this time, he's been asking me if I trusted him, but doesn't he trust me? I do trust him, after all this time. Now it's his turn.

Well, when he wakes up. I decide it won't hurt anybody if I fall asleep for a bit longer. And Lavi's just so warm...

My sleep was peaceful, and Lavi's seemed so too. When I wake up a second time, he's awake too. He's propped on his elbow and he's staring down at me, like he's enjoying himself simply watching me sleep.

I'm suddenly self-conscious and I want him to look away. When he doesn't, my eyes raise to his one good one. They flutter for a second to his scar, and I can make out a faint outline of where his skin is darker with the scar, and when his normal skin had never left. It's a jagged star-ish shape, and the ridge down the middle stands out. I could almost count how many stitched he had needed. Why he needed them, however, still remains a shrouded mystery.

My eyes focus back on his jade one. "Lavi? Do you trust me?"

He blinks, but doesn't seem to be caught off guard at all. He must've been waiting for this question, and he must have though about how he would answer it.

"As much as you do me."

I, however, am surprised. I wasn't expecting that as an answer. I trust him a great deal more than I've trusted anyone, including Lenalee, but in the grand scheme of things, it's an insignificant amount. Does the same go for him too?

"Then why can't you tell me?"

"Because I'm not allowed."

At this, I'm confused. "Not allowed? By who?"

He sighs. "I can't tell you."

I roll over onto my back in a huff. I've just gone in a big circle. "As much as you tell me, I'll tell you about my arm." It's a long-shot, and a bluff. I can't face it myself, how will I be able to tell him? Lenalee doesn't even know, but that's mostly because if she did, I'd never hear the end of it, but with this offer, Lavi seems to suddenly become interested, or something feigning interest.

"Allen... You understand I'm not allowed, right?"

I eye him, then stare back at the ceiling and nod.

"I'm not allowed because it puts people in jeopardy."

"Who?" I sit up as he is and I stare into his eye. As anxious as I am to hear, I know it's also putting my story, and arm on the line.

"Bookman. And my parents who abandoned me."

I freeze. I don't know how to respond, but Lavi seems like he's okay with that. Also, like it was what he expected.

"And maybe even Cross."

Finally something to snap me out of it. The thought of Cross being put into what is seemingly dire situations lightens my heart. "Oh..."

"Your turn?"

I don't want to do this. There's a big difference between my situation and his right now. I physically cannot talk about my past. It makes me nauseous and I start trembling like Lavi was this morning. But Lavi's right here. I trust him. If it gets too bad, he'll understand if I have to stop.

I face him. "What do you want to know," I ask, and I'm already gasping for air.

"Who was Mana?"

I'm shocked at the simplicity of the question. It didn't dig into huge, dangerous memories, although I do get sad when I remember him.

"Mana was my foster father. I don't know anything about my parents. He adopted me from an orphanage and he raised me."

I feel my left arm start to tingle inside it's cast, and my stomach is aching already. I could stop here; we're about even now, but I kind of like getting this out into the open, and he's not pushing me. I struggle to continue.

"He was a street performer; a clown, basically. I followed him around and helped. He gave me some of the best advice, even if I was really young at the time. He always told me, 'Don't stop. Keep walking.'"

My voice starts getting strangled and Lavi starts looking concerned. "Yet here I am," I begin to finish, "I've stopped. I'm not walking anywhere. I've been stuck in this same state since the car crash. Ten years ago."

My eyes start burning, but I don't let the tears escape, not today. Unexpectedly, Lavi leans forward and his lips land in the center of my forehead. Like a wave, warmth radiates from that spot. It washes away the stinging tears, the tingling in my arm, my nausea, and the residual pain from the bar fight, and it's all replaced with calm feeling. When I feel his lips lift away, it disappears, but the pain is still vanished. _Is this what it's like to feel cared for?_

I have to fall onto my back. I don't have the energy to stay propped on my side and Lavi's staring down at me, but I don't face him.

"He was the only father I ever knew, and I..."

That's when my arm starts to really hurt. It feels as if someone is trying to snap my arm in half. I want to tear away the cast by any means possible, just to get a good look at the almost purple scar. Instead I clutch it against my chest, grinding my teeth, and Lavi's hand appears over me, wondering what to do. I can see his face from the corner of my eye. He looks panicked and worried, "Whoa! Allen?"

"I-I'm okay..." I choke out. The numbing pain starts to recede and I want to assure him it was probably just some kind of weird growing/healing pain, but I know what it was.

Sometimes when I talk and think about Mana, my arm starts hurting, likes he's trying to talk to me somehow. It's really strange, but usually I understand it. This time, I know he was telling me to stop blaming myself for his death. But if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have been in that car, and he wouldn't have been distracted, or late for the train for our caravan group.

I don't like the fact that my only connection left of him is this arm. It makes me sick, but it works.

"Allen?"

I glance up at him. He still looks like he did, worried. "It's okay, I'm alright. My arm just hurt for a second." His expression doesn't waver, but he backs off for now. I think I'm pretty much done talking about Mana today, but I like having someone that will listen. Lenalee always wants to console me about every little everything. Lavi just listens.

"It's still my fault he's dead..."

Lavi stares at me blankly. I roll over onto my side to face him and curl up against his chest, calm as ever. He doesn't move until I'm right up against him, then he brings his arm around me and pulls me in closer, which I'm glad for. Using his other arm as a pillow, I end up falling asleep again.

**ooOIOoo**

He doesn't honestly think that, does he? Is it really his fault? No, I don't believe it. Not for a moment.

Allen starts snoring softly curled up against me. I'm just surprised he's still here. Words can't describe how astonished I am he willingly cuddled up to me. And he seemed relieved when I pulled him closer.

Something in my head clicks. When he started talking about his foster father Mana, he stopped pushing me away as much. He _does_ trust me, he just can't help pushing me away..? Either way, I'd like to relish this moment, but I have a hard time falling asleep; I can stop thinking about all he said about Mana.

Allen was an orphan? And a street performer? It reminds me of my own family. And after all that, he blames himself for Mana's death. I need to know the story behind that, about why he blames himself. It can't actually be his fault, and if it truly isn't, someone needs to show him that. And now that he's starting to clear his chest, I know that I can be the one to do that.

Looking down on Allen again, I'm simply watching him sleep. He sighs and buries his face further in my chest. Now that he's here, I have the courage to look back on that nightmare. It's one of the worse ones yet. The details were agonizingly perfect. So much so, I could still feel the wounds when I woke up. My brain singles out the feeling of each individual scar and there's so many my back suddenly feels numb. I wonder if this is what Allen's arm feels like all the time. Or the scar on his face. It's often what my eye feels like. But that man... That's what hit me the worse. I know his voice, and I can still feel his presence. The chill still hasn't left my bones. But why would I remember that particular moment? What does it mean? I know how I lost my eye..! Why bother reminding me?

That's when Allen wakes up again and I realize its been almost two hours already. I let him go, and he pulls his face from my chest. He rolls onto his back and looks up at me.

_You're cute when you're sleepy_, I laugh.

He looks at me, brows furrowed, wondering why I'm laughing, and it only makes me laugh harder. He looks like he's trying to hold back, and I poke him in the side, releasing it. He swats me away, "Lavi, stop that..!"

I chuckle, "Can I get out of bed now? It's almost one in the afternoon."

He smirks and closes his eyes, looking like he's about to roll back into me. "No. I like it here."

I laugh and sit up, "Allen?! This is my bed and my room and I demand that you leave!"

He smiles and shakes his head and when he tries to find me again, his stomach roars at him in protest. Finally, his stomach is on_ my_ side. Although, I liked it here too.

"There's food out there," I taunt. His stomach roars again and he falls flat on his back, sighing in frustration.

"You've found my weakness..."

I laugh and work to stand on my mattress. The squishy thing is difficult to stand on, and almost harder to _stay standing_ on, but I accomplish it. I hold a hand out to him and he takes it, and I pull him up. He stumbles on the mattress too, but I manage to steady him, both of us laughing the whole way.

He starts out of my room first, and I push him out roughly joking. He grunts and goes with it. I laugh as he almost smashes into a wall, but manages to deflect himself off. "Lavi, were going to the kitchen, not the brig..!"

"Silence, captive!"

I do it again and he turns around and pushes me back, laughing.

"Rebel! There's a rebellion afoot!" I yell, fighting him back half-heartedly.

"Lavi!" He shouts a warning.

"Captive..! I said to the brig!"

He gives me one decent uppercut to the side, but I know it's a fraction of how hard he can actually munch, but I double over anyway. "Rebel, stop," I manage to cough out before I fall against the wall of the hallway. I see Allen roll his eyes and turn to keep walking away. I work to stand, using the wall to balance, holding my side. I stop at the end of the hallway, still doubled over. I look up from the floor to see Allen standing there, looking at a door that I forgot was there. Probably because it's Cross'.

I stood straight, confused out of my facade. "Allen?"

He doesn't move, and when I come up to his side, I realize why he's so dumbfounded. I, too, hear what iss coming from Cross' room, and I guess he likes it as much as I do.

Something crashes and there's another bang and then everything goes silent. A moment later and Cross walks out almost completely naked. At least he's wearing his trench-coat.

He glances at us, totally unacknowledging, and waltzes into the kitchen.

We, on the other hand, can't advert out eyes fast enough. I feel bile backing up in my throat and Allen looks like he's experiencing the same thing.

"Just kill me now... It'd be less," I cough dramatically, "...painful."

"Lavi?" He replies, "Lavi, where are you, Lavi? I can't see..! Lavi?!"

Of course neither of us are looking, but I hear Cross pad out through the living room and back into his room. "Don't patronize my guest," he tells us sternly, before slamming the door.

"I can't look... Is it safe?" I ask. Allen doesn't want to be the first to turn around either, but he risks it. When I see him collapse back against the couch, I take that as the sign for the all-clear. I straighten and turn around.

"We need to find a way to keep him locked up. He keeps finding his way back."

I fall back onto the couch next to Allen and sigh in relief. "At least he's gone for now," he replies. I nod, and I hear his stomach start to rumble, but its short lived. "I think I've lost my appetite," he says as he starts slipping down the couch.

"If that's what that sounds like, can you scare bears when you're starving?"

He glares a me but I can tell he's laughing behind it. I smile at him and he goes back to sliding off of the couch and onto the floor. When he's finally down on the ground, I look at him suspiciously. He chuckles and uses the couch as a pillow. "I'm tired..."

"What?! You slept, like, four hours on me! My arm's still numb! Look it!" I flail my arm around for dramatic effect, then stop to smack it. He laughs and moves to sit on his folded legs.

"Don't worry. They're probably nailing each other right now."

We both glare at Cross's door. Why does he feel the need to say that shit? Not that he's got the wrong idea...

Allen turns to stare at me, almost like he heard my thoughts and suddenly has the urge to slap me, but he doesn't know why. I shrug, trying to brush it off casually, but I don't know if he buys it.

Maybe we should go to school now that Cross is here and we have the car, but I don't know how good of an idea that is. I don't bother bringing it up.

"We'll we can't sit here staring at the door all day!" I stand up abruptly, almost stepping on Allen. He's still on the floor, why, I'm not sure. "Get up off your knees, Allen! We have things to do!" He glares daggers at me as he stands and crosses his arms, and its a little awkward with his cast, but I know he doesn't mean it because he's still blushing.

"Shut up Lavi." His arms fall to his sides as he turns to face away from me, "What do you have in mind, exactly?"

I raise my arm in triumph, "I have no idea!" I shout in victory. He rolls his eyes. "But we should probably eat something first!" I think my singsong yelling is getting on Allen's nerves, and I can only guess what Cross is imagining, but I know for a fact he can hear me.

Allen stands up and sits back on the couch and just then, Cross' door opens again. We both jerk to cover our eyes just in case. Lucky me; I only have one to protect. I don't know who gets the courage to peek first, to check if the coast is clear, but when I look, my hand immediately falls into my lap, and my head lurches to hide my missing eye, despite my gaping mouth.

There's a beautiful woman standing there.

Cross follows, accompanying her out. "Sachiko, ignore them."

The woman glances over at us. Allen crosses his arms and looks away. He seems used to this, and annoyed even.

"Personally, I think a woman as pretty as that should not be hanging out with the likes of Cross."

Cross' face reddens, and I see his fist clench behind her.

"Sachiko, was it?" I ask, tilting my chin up. I still haven't turned my head. I try to keep my scar turned away from her, but what if I turned it towards her? I look hot with my eye-patch, but just creepy and sad with out it. Better not. Wouldn't want her saying anything.

She giggles quietly, covering her blush with her hand. "That's what they call me." She smiles and Cross begins to usher her out the door.

I start to laugh, but the look Allen's giving me is starting to worry me. I forgot how he is. What is he thinking? I reach over and ruffle his hair, and he starts to swat me away, but I guess when he realizes this is one of the only ways I can outwardly express affection and he calms down, settling to glare at me.

Before we both realize, Cross and Sachiko are gone. They must've walked out the front door while I was pestering Allen. That's too bad; I wanted to say goodbye to her, although Allen probably wouldn't appreciate that. Then we hear his car start and slowly the engine sounds die off into the distance.

Neither of us say anything, but after a moment of silence, I stand. "Want anything from the kitchen?" He glances up and shakes his head. I nod and vanish into the room. I scrounge around the cupboards and the fridge and I remember we hardly have ever have any food. I manage to find some scraps and a can of soda and I return to the living room.

I turn on the TV before I sit down next to Allen and he takes a sip from the can. "If you wanted one, I would've gotten you one...!"

He shakes his head. "No, I wanted yours."

I turn and look at him like he's crazy. It kind of is, the way he thinks some times, but it's interesting. It stops him from being boring. I like that about him. It's... Nice.

A loud bang and a whoosh of light shocks me from my thoughts, and plainly shocks Allen. I jump up, believing that someone was breaking in. This technically is my home now, and Allen's right here; why wouldn't I be concerned? He stands too, and I take a step towards the door instinctively. But it's not a robber that kicked open the door, its-

"Yu?! What the hell are you doing here...? And Lenal-..."

Kanda has successfully kicked down the door, Mugen raised and ready for action. Just then, Lenalee storms around him and into our living room, her eyes glowing red and hands placed strategically on her hips.

"Where have you two be-... Allen! Your arm!"

All anger flushed from her body, Lenalee rushes over and places both her hands on Allen's cast, inspecting. Kanda waltzes over, his sword resting over his shoulder. He smirks at me, then I watch his eyes move to Allen's cast as well.

"Che. Good going, Short Stack. Loose a fight or something?"

Lenalee glances back to glare at Kanda for a moment, before worrying over Allen again. "Allen, what happen?"

His other hand goes to rub the back of his neck. "Well, I uh, lost a fight...!"

Lenalee drops his arm and goes poker-faced for a moment. _ "WHAT?!"_

And it's rage on again. Her eyes instinctively go for me.

"What in the world did you do to break his wrist?! And his b-... !" It sounded for a second like she was going to say some along the lines of, 'and his bad one, no less.' That's when I remember that hardly anyone knows about his scared arm, but she turns back to Allen, who is panicking about as badly as I am. Both of our hands are in the air criminal-style. "Why didn't you call me? Or Kanda!? You know we're here t-"

"Lenalee, Lenalee! Calm down!" Allen shouts, waving his hands in front of him. I see Kanda behind her smirking. Or... Is he actually smiling?

Her face goes calm again for a moment, turning at Allen's words. Obviously she's willing to hear him out and not me... Figures. "Lavi didn't do anything. Okay? It was my fault. I got into a fight and broke my wrist. Not a huge deal, right?"

"Allen? What'd you get in a fight for?"

He shrugs, and I remember even fewer know about his gambling problem. "Just some thugs on the streets. Thought they recognized me. I told 'em they had the wrong guy, but, hey. They're not very smart anyways."

Despite his very-believable story, she turns to me. "And where were you when this happened?"

I swallow. Lenalee can be scary when her friends got hurt. This is something I'll care to remember. "I wasn't there, eh, I was here. He went out for a walk while I was asleep...! I told him to stay put but he didn't listen. He's not very smart anyways..." I glance at him, and he starts glaring too, but its one of those, 'I'm trying so hard not to laugh right now' kinda glares, but I just go ahead a laugh freely. Allen joins me, and Lenalee is left to be confused. She shakes off her confusion in turn to become worried again.

"Well, either way, Allen's hurt, and I still blame Lavi."

I shrug. I guess this is the best I can hope for, being the new guy. "At least know that I'm the one who carried him home."

Her eyes shoot to Allen, who nods solemnly. She doesn't reply to this, probably because she's shocked, but I'm just glad she's quiet.

"And he knows. I-... I showed him."

I glance up at Allen's soft voice and Lenalee's small gasp. "Allen?" She looks like she's hanging on the edge of her seat, but standing. The way he's talking about it makes me assume that Kanda knows too, and he just shakes his head and rolls his eyes.

"So Moyashi's not a puss-"

Lenalee turns and smacks him in the head. He deadpans, totally not expecting it. "Would you cut that out?"

"Yeah, Ba-Kanda. Why are you always so rude," Allen spits out with an attitude. Both Lenalee and I glance between them, waiting to watch the sparks.

Kanda, in turn steps up. He has his hands on Mugen, who he must've sheathed while we weren't looking, and looks like he's ready to draw. "Watch your mouth, Short Stack. Wouldn't want something else damaged."

Allen's glare doesn't strengthen. "You wouldn't attack me. Not in front of Le-"

That's when he draws his sword and slashes horizontally at Allen. I want to jump and interfere, but what am I going to do? At least Allen has some experience fighting Kanda, I assume.

I less time it takes Lenalee to cover her eyes, Allen catches the blade against his cast. His eyes are overcast like I've never seen, and Kanda is gritting his teeth. I could feel the tension from where I was standing, almost four feet away. I'm relieved when Lenalee steps in.

"Alright guys, that's enough. Allen, before you hurt yourself more."

She bats her hands at each of them, like shooing away a pesky fly, and Allen doesn't even flinch. That is, until Kanda starts releasing on Mugen. He must feel this change, because that's when they each relax. The idiot samurai sheaths his sword again and turns away from everyone, facing the door.

As if remembering our conversation before Kanda interrupted, Lenalee sighs and turns back to Allen, and I creep up to his side. "Really?"

Allen nods. I feel it's best to stay out of this for now; this is their matter. I'm just a bystander...

As if in reply, Allen takes off his glove without even missing a beat. My eye doesn't instinctively go to it, but Lenalee's do, and Kanda just "che"'s behind all of us.

"And with that, I should probably do this..." My hands go up for my eye-patch strings behind my head, and Allen looks up at me, concerned, like he wants to ask, "are you sure?"

I feel like doing this might make the fact that he's seen my "eye" less important, less significant, but I also feel like it's an obligation to Allen. I should be able to go without my eye-patch whenever he's around, even if Lenalee and Kanda are. Should I really?

I can't give it a second thought when its already sitting in my hand. "Just don't say anything."

I'm still staring down at my hand. Habit and instinct tells me not to look up because they'll see, but I force myself to. As soon as I do, I want to turn away like I usually do. I want to hide it, look away, face another direction, just because that's how I've always felt when my eye-patch was off, but I make myself look at Lenalee. I just don't want to see her reaction.

I presume it's just a diluted version of what Allen got when she first saw his arm. She stares at it a second, and when she looks like she's about to speak, I stop her to lay down some ground rules.

"I don't want your pity, so don't tell me you're sorry, and I don't want you making a huge deal out of it. It happened, I got over it. It's done."

She nods and looks down at her shoes. "Okay then."

I throw my eye-patch on the coffee table where it usually goes, and I see it slide off the table. I remember where it falls, but I'm too lazy to go and correct it. "Anyway, why are you guys here?"

Lenalee finally looks back up, but she avoids looking directly at me. When she does, she looks a little off to my left, not exactly into my functioning eye. I brush this off and tell myself it's because it's new, that she'll get used to it eventually like everyone else has.

"Well, you two haven't been at school for the last two days, and I was getting suspicious." She shoots me a look, but doesn't hold it and glare at me like usual.

_Its because of my eye. Great. That _was_ a bad idea... Allen?! Why didn't you stop me!_

"What?!" I start to yell. I'm so used to acting like nothing is ever wrong in my life that its easy to cover up the fact that I'm now critically self-conscious about my eye. I just want to put on my eye-patch again and hide up in my room for the rest of the day. Could I do that? Would Allen let me?

Lenalee shrugs. "How am I suppose to know? A new guy _living_ here and suddenly Allen's missing two days in a row. What am I suppose to think? You're corrupting him." She folds her arms and I step forward, waving my finger at her.

_Just... Don't tell her off too bad._

"Now wait a second. This idiot walks around carrying a sword, and I'm corrupting him? You see how they fight! _I_ saw how they fight! I'd say, Kanda should be suspect number one!"

"Watch it, Usagi."

"What does that even mean?!" I practically scream, throwing my hands in exasperation. Allen starts to crack up behind me. He leans up to my ear and whispers, "He's calling you a rabbit."

I spin around, "What?" Again, towards Kanda, "Why? Is that suppose to be insulting? I know a little Japanese." I spin around again, finally understanding, my finger in the air; I've finally struck. "Ah! Is that why you call him Ba-Kanda?" I turn to face Kanda again, "Is that right? Baka Kanda?"

I'm smirking the largest grin I've ever managed, and Kanda's face is red with fury. Allen coughs, trying to hold back immense laughter. "_That's... _ Why he calls you Rabbit."

"Maybe I'll just call him Yu."

Finally Kanda snaps and he charges me, Mugen finally drawn. I dodge and he runs right past me. I don't have a cast to block him with, but I can still fight back if I manage to get him to drop the sword.

"Allen!" I yell. He faces me, not bothering to break up the fight. I think he knows I'm enjoying this. "Umbrella?!"

It takes him a second to understand, about as long as it takes Kanda to recoup. "By the door," he shouts back, finally getting my plan.

I'm still smirking as I run to the door and grab an umbrella propped up in the corner by the door that I've never noticed. I'll remember they're here. I pick one up, holding it backwards, curved handle out towards Kanda. Now he seems to be smirking. I bet he's never fenced with an umbrella before. I've never fenced period. Good thing I'm a fast learner.

Kanda charges again and I hold up my umbrella-sword. He stops short and catches my steel against his. I put my other hand up at the top, pushing him back with both hands. With one swift movement, I swing the curved handle down towards Kanda's grip, trying to catch his sword by the hilt, trying to wedge the sword from his grasp. I manage to get Mugen locked against Shelly (What? I'm not allowed to name my sword?) but he manages to hold on. I release her other end and swing it at his side, but he dodges.

I do manage to snag his shirt though, but of course it doesn't tear. It's a goddamn umbrella, after all.

"C'mon, Shelly! We can do better than that!"

Everyone stops. "Shelly?"

I take the distraction. I open Shelly up in Kanda's face and he, surprised, stumbles back. I swing the handle towards Mugen's grip again and I manage to tear him from Kanda's hands. He drops to the floor and I toss him out of the way, and out of Kanda's reach. I drop Shelly near Mugen and approach my opponent.

"End this now, while we each still have our pride!" I look down at him, my chin in the air, and nod my head. I'm still feeling exposed without my eye-patch, but fighting is one thing I don't have to be confident about; it just happens.

He glares at me, but obviously he won't be defeated so easily. He already had one fight broken up. This one, I can tell he wants to see through to the end. Kanda stands tall, then takes a fighting stance. I do the same, and I wait for him to throw the first punch. He does, like I expect, and reach to grab his fist. When he retracts it too quickly, I step into a punch and I catch his side. He hardly flinches and when my arm finds my side again, he throws the same punch as his first; something I was expecting. I dodge again and jab him in the front, leaning my whole body into it. He falters a step back, then uses this as his leverage to throw _my_ same punch. He hits me right in my scar, the scar I recently re-experienced.

Somehow, his sends me into hyperdrive. I throw a flurry of punches. One of which lands in his jaw, another finding its target where my first blow seeded. There's a break in my chain and he takes it, giving me a swift uppercut in the jaw. In another wave, I land a third punch in the same spot along with others on his stomach and sides, and blocking any he thinks he can fit in between.

"Lavi!" I hear behind me, but its muffled and fuzzy. Why? I take another hit, but I recover fast, and I jump right back into my routine.

"Lavi! Stop it!" It's clearer this time, and I finally take the time to listen to it. I jump back, dodging a weak jab from Kanda and I start to taste blood. I look around and Lenalee has her hands covering her face. Allen looks almost scared. She runs to Kanda's side and he hunches over, bracing himself on his knees.

I finally notice the blood accumulating on the corners of his mouth. Lenalee tries to inspect his stomach for bruises or broken ribs, but as soon as her hands land on him, he straightens and takes a harsh step away from her. "Kanda?" He storms out of the house, picking up Mugen on his way. "Kanda!" She chases after him, throwing a glance at me that can only be described as fearful.

I look down at my hands. My knuckles are black and blue, and one seems like its about to start bleeding. I start to feel wobbly. I hardly notice as Allen runs past me into the front yard, but I do hear the yelling that ensues.

It's Kanda. "Why do you stop us?!" He's furious.

"Did you see his face? He looked like he was going to kill you!" Lenalee. She is too.

I hear a loud smack and a short, shrill cry. Then another sound that sounds suspiciously like a punch. "Get out of here." Is that Allen? What's going on?

Each of my scars on my back start burning, especially the one Kanda caught with his knuckles. Suddenly I have a massive headache. I look up to see Allen guiding a crying Lenalee inside, and her hand is covering her cheek. He sits her down on the couch and confronts me.

He pushes me by my shoulders roughly, and it takes everything I have left in me to stop from pushing him onto the floor. "What was all that?!" He looks so enraged, I can't form a proper sentence. I'm so confused. I hate being confused, not knowing, especially about myself.

"I'm sorry."

It's all I can manage. I step outside and follow the driveway out onto the road, and I see Kanda sitting on the curb and there's a strange car in the driveway. Is that Kanda's? No, I have to get away from everyone. I have to think.

I take off down the sidewalk, not heading to anywhere in particular. When houses start turning into stores, I find an alley. I lean back against the wall, and my head falls into my hands, and I realize I forgot my eye-patch. Great, rub salt on a open wound.

That's when it hits me; how this all started. It's exactly what I was afraid of. Lenalee saw under my eye-patch, and everything that I never resolved came bubbling back up. Then I had to go and get into a fight with Kanda. I took it out on him, all my anger. It's my nature, after all, to fight whatever I can't run away from, like my feeling, thoughts.

Now that the dam has broke, what's going to happen? Have I reverted to my old self? Like when I was younger, before Bookman found me my eye-patch? I guess I haven't moved past all that I thought I had. This is the worse possible thing that could've happened.

_Speaking of dam..._

My hand starts feeling wet and I realize its collecting tears. How can I face any of them again? I doubt any of them trust me now. I've ruined it! My fist collides with the wall across from me and I hear my already bruised hand pop. Pain sears up my arm, almost reaching my shoulder, but I don't try to ease it; I deserve this. This is for hurting Kanda, for worrying Lenalee, and for whatever Allen is feeling because there's no possible way he'll forgive me.

My other hand is still holding my face, but it's numb from crying. I can feel the tears falling into my hand, but not from my cheek. My knock my head back against the wall of the alleyway I'm leaning against. I have to think of a solution.

Maybe I can catch a bus back to Bookman's. It's not too late, maybe they're still running, but I don't have my eye-patch. What am I going to do? I can't survive a whole bus ride with people staring at me; I'd break a window. Or someone's skull.

But I can't bring myself to go back. I leave the alley and just walk, my bad side facing the buildings. I think I'm walking away from the house, but I don't care. It's better anyway.

That's when a familiar car passes me, and I realize its gotten very dark. Suspicious, I watch the car pull into a drive, pull back out, and park beside me. "Lavi, what're you doing? Come on!"

I stop and look at the car. I can't turn my head in fear someone will see my eye, and my good eye is straining to see the car almost behind me. I start walking again, running away. I see Lenalee step out of the car and onto the sidewalk. Allen must've been driving because he walks around the car a moment later. Lenalee comes up to my left, my good side. I feel Allen's hands wrap around my right arm, on my bad side. Since I can't see him approach, I jump when he takes my arm, and I rip it from his grasp. When I manage to relax, he does it again. I jerk again, but he holds on better this time. I stop walking. I watch Lenalee walk around me and both Allen and her face me. Honestly, I'm glad it's Allen who's on my bad side. I don't think I want anyone seeing it ever again, now that I've realized that I can't handle it.

"Lavi, what are you doing out here? C'mon." I work free of his grip, more gently this time.

"What, Allen? I can't go back. You saw it. I-... I can't. And why are you here?" My eye jumps to Lenalee and she takes a step back.

"Lavi,we're friends. Why wouldn't I? And you gave Kanda a decent beating."

"That's why..! He's more of your friend than I am, why aren't you on his side?" She looks away, and I start to notice a big red mark across her face. Was that the slap sound earlier? Did Kanda slap her? Now I feel better about almost literally beating the shit out of him, but I still can't go back. Why did they come to find me? Why?

Allen shoots a glance at Lenalee, and I don't get the time to access what it means, but she must, because she starts backing away, and heading back towards the car. "Lavi," Allen begins when she's far enough away. His hand becomes tightly wound around my forearm, and his other takes my other wrist. "Lavi, remember this morning? When I was telling you about Mana? When you-..." He pauses.

He takes a deep breath, and with a sudden move, he releases my wrists and puts a hand on each side of my face. He pulls my head down and stands on his toes, and very gingerly, places a kiss on my forehead like I had earlier.

This both fuels and completely extinguishes my anger, and I hate that. Allen's hands fall back to his side, and one takes my wrist again, like he's still afraid I'll run away. So am I. "What happened, Lavi?"

I shake my head, gulping. "She saw my eye and I don't know, I just got so angry; so self-conscious. I'm usually... So good at holding things back, but Kanda hit that scar. _That _scar, and... I guess I just went into self-defense mode." I want to just turn and take off again, but the words fall out of my mouth without permission. They just _spill, _and Allen's the only one here to help mop them up. Even _I _can't help him. I'm staring down between us, watching my sentences leak off the sidewalk and into the road. Why did I just let it happen? Why didn't I just lie, or give a half-truth like usual? I could've found some way out, but I'm starting to think that's the problem. I've always had a way out, and now that I don't, my only option left is to blurt out whatever is on my mind. Why has it come to this? Why is it that Allen's the only one who's ever been able to corner my thoughts? He finds this way into my head and blocks one exit after another until I have to stand and face him. How have I let this happen?

And that's when the first tear falls. I'm not going down that road again. I've gotten so far with Allen, now _I _can't be the one to push _him _away. It simply isn't going to happen. I won't let it.

I bring myself to lock my eye onto his. "I just don't know anymore. I guess I haven't moved past it as well as I thought I had." I start to laugh lightly, but Allen isn't going to accept that. He lets go of my wrist and wraps his arms around my neck, and I do the same around his waist.

I lean to mumble something into the crease of his neck.

"Allen, we're going to school tomorrow."

He starts laughing; a real laugh. I start to smile, but it doesn't actually make me feel any better. I squeeze Allen tightly once before letting him go, but he holds his arms around my neck for a second longer.

"Okay."

* * *

**Okay, okay. Long-ass chapter. Can I get an applause please?**

**There's been SO. MUCH. UGH. I tried to finally write a NORMAL chapter, but I guess that wasn't happening. And then Lenalee and Kanda show up, and of course that's going to cause trouble. I just really wanted to throw in the Cross tidbit, but I guess that coulda waited for another chapter that needed it more. *shrugs* Oh well.**

**So, now Lavi's in a pickle. Kind of a lame plot twist (if it can even be considered that n ) but I LIKED IT. I'm just tired of EVERYTHING. So much EVERYTHING. *headesk* He's took a turn for the worse, and he's only making it worse for himself. Am I difficult to understand? Tell me and I'll reveal all, or I'll just go back and edit. I'm just tired of this sitting everywhere; in my iPod, my hardrive, my dreams...! Okay not that far, but I wouldn't be surprised if it did start haunting me there...  
**

**Reviews please? It doesn't hurt any of you, I know it, I've done it before. There are no wrong answers. Tell me where you think I can improve, or if you just really like the story. Or me! You think I'm funny? Tell me! It makes me happy. Don't you want to make your dear 'ol author happy? (It might make me want to update quicker...!)  
**


	10. Chapter 10

Even though Allen seemed to forgive the way I acted so easily, I didn't forgive myself. I had gone too far; not only letting myself get angry, but taking that anger out on someone, one of our friends, nonetheless. So the next week, I stayed away. I still sat with Allen during class and lunch, but I kept talking to a minimum. I didn't touch him, and didn't let him touch me, which honestly wasn't too hard, until I would catch him looking at me. Staring, actually. He would look with sadness, maybe even pity in his eyes, and I just would accept that. When ever I caught him, it would take all my strengthen and willpower to stand up and simply walk away.

It was worst that Tuesday morning.

After I had reveled my eye to all our, mostly Allen's, friends, I remember tossing my eye-patch on the coffee table. The only thing was, that morning I couldn't find it. It wasn't under the table, the couch, inside the cushions. It was like it uped and vanished. When I realized that it was gone, I fell onto the sofa, my face in my hands, my hair blocking both from sight. When I heard Allen pad over, I stood up and started looking through my room, trying to get away from him before he could shoot me another pitiful look. But it wasn't in there either, and that's when I started to panic.

I almost fell into a bawling heap, but I had had enough emotions to last me a month, all jammed into a few days, and I couldn't have that. I just couldn't. So instead, I looked harder. I almost tore the house apart, looking behind the tiny excuse of an entertainment center, on top of the TV, even in the refrigerator, all the while, Allen following me around, looking anguished; like he had something to say that he didn't want to an awful lot. I ignored him, hoping that once it was close to coming late for the bus, he would leave me alone to search the rest of the day. That never happened. Instead, he laid his hand on my shoulder, and I spun around, furious that he was distracting me while I still had a chance to catch the bus.

"Lavi, you're going to give yourself an ulcer," he had said. At the time, I didn't think much of it. I just really needed to find my eye-patch. So I told him that.

I told him, "Allen, I'm not going anywhere without it! I don't ask you to go to school without sleeves, I don't go to school without my eye-patch!" Of course, it was with more force and anger than necessary, but I couldn't be distracted. That's when he told me solemnly that he was going to go look in his room. Why it would be in there, I had no clue, but hell, I was still searching through the kitchen.

The next time I saw him, he was holding my eye-patch out to me. I kind of glared at him, but immediately snatched it out of his hand and ran to the bathroom to tie it on and adjust it. When I came back out to question him why it was in his room, he was gone, already walking down the road. Then I sighed, grabbed my bag and followed far, far behind him. From then on, I knew this week was going to be hard.

I noticed that Kanda was staying away too, much more effectively than I have been. He didn't sit with us at lunch, and I hadn't seen him around, at all. Every so often I would catch a glimpse of his ponytail wafting into a classroom, but that was about it.

During lunch, I would sit a decent distance away from Lenalee and Allen, completely zoned out, but one day I overheard a conversation of their's. Apparently, Kanda was having some trouble with some guy named Tiedoll, whoever that was, which was the reason for his even-more-than-usually irritable behavior. I was beginning to believe he was Kanda's father, the way Lenalee talked about how they toyed and fought, but somehow I could feel that wasn't exactly it. Then Wednesday, I finally caught wind after Allen brought the subject back up.

No matter how badly I wanted to stand up, my mouth agape, I just couldn't let it slide past my defenses. I had been stone-cold all week, and after something like that, you have to slowly associate yourself back into society, or else people might suspect something. I know; I've had to do it before, and I really didn't want to have to go through all that.

_So Kanda has a parole officer named Tiedoll? _It wasn't too astonishing, but I assumed he had _some_ self control. Well, hopefully at least more than I did. I wasn't going to think too much on that.

I must have been dazing off during class Thursday with Daisya, and I guess he must have noticed. He prodded me in the shoulder and asked, "Lavi? You alright, bud? You like your having a tough time."

Daisya and I weren't exactly close friends like I was with Allen (and I guess Lenalee) but we were close enough to talk about how we were doing, and that was almost exactly what I was needing.

"Yeah, I'm just, well, having it rough lately."

"Well, you always have me! That's all anybody needs," he replied. I laughed. Count on Daisya to make life sound simple.

"Yeah, well..."

"What?" He asked, almost shocked. "You mean, there's something else you want! Well, I'd trade that for me any day."

He always knew the right things to say to entice a laugh out of me, even a small one. That only made me think of Allen. Sure Daisya was funny, but just seeing Allen happy would always cheer me right up. He wasn't happy very often this week. I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping away, but I guess not.

"Is it that Allen kid you're livin' with?"

I picked my head from my hand and glared at him. _ How-...? What-...?!_ "Why'd you say that?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. You seem like you've gotten to be pretty close friends in like, what, two weeks?"

I sighed and my chin rested against my fist again. "Yeah, sorta. I kinda, almost beat the shit out of his friend. It's a long story that I do _not_ want to talk about."

Daisya just, 'hmm'ed and continued. "Well, they're all freaks anyway. I mean, that scar? What the fuck? That can't be natural."

I sat back in my chair and crossed my arms over my chest. "Weird marks, huh?" I asked, staring pointedly at the strange shapes under Daisya's eyes. Once he told me they were scars, and once I heard they were birthmarks. A third time, he told me they were tattoos.

He brushed me off with a scoff. "Pfft, please. I only do it because it attracts the sluts. Not much unlike your eye-patch." He wags his eyebrows at me, and nudges me with his elbow, "Eh? Eh? I saw you flirtin' it up with Road last week. She have you running around the bases yet?"

"What?!" I had burst out, sending Daisya laughing.

Suddenly, awful images flooded my mind and I had to think of Allen to make them go away. Of course, that just made me feel guilty. Somewhere deep down. Deep, deep down. Deep, deep, deep... You get the point.

"Ugh, that's-...! What? No way. Who knows what I'd catch."

"Cooties?"

I rolled my eyes at Daisya, and returned to my class assignment.

Now, it's Friday and I can't wait to go home and take a nap; maybe with Allen; if he'd let me. Of course, I'd have to reestablish myself with him, which aught to be fun. I had helped Allen a bit when he got lost during Algebra, a I actually payed attention during lunch, in case my name was said I could join the conversation, but that never happened. The bus ride home, I sat closer to him, but not with him. I didn't have the courage for that.

We got off the bus and walked home in silence. The house was in sight when Allen speaks up.

"Lavi, have you been okay? You've been really distant. Is this about last weekend?"

My gaze falls to the pavement and I tilt my head to look at him. He still looks really sad, and I want to wipe that away somehow. Obviously this wasn't the best way to go about it.

"Allen, I'm sorry. I just... The thing with my eye freaked me out."

He hums a note of understanding and turns back to the pavement. I can't tell if he's willing to leave it at that or not, until he speaks up again. "You didn't have to do that, you know. No one was expecting it."

"Yeah, well, it sure felt necessary. But... You don't know what my past was like. I don't know if it's as bad or worse than yours, but it's coming back.

"Will you tell me about it?"

I take a long sigh. I want to, and I already know so much about him, well, in a sense. Besides, I'm suppose to be past all of it. It shouldn't be able to hurt me anymore, even though it does. Telling him would be best; it might clear the air a little more, even if I'm not allowed to tell him a lot.

"Can we get inside first?"

He gives me a small smile, but it's still a sad one. We finally approach the house and he opens the door and we enter. I leave to throw my bag in my room and carefully place my eye-patch with the rest of my stuff by my bag, all the while working to kick off my shoes.

I come back out and Allen is sitting on the couch with a can of soda in his hand, and another, unopened, on the table. I'm assuming it's for me.

"You never told me why my eye-patch was in your room."

He takes sip and looks up at me. "Oh, it was in my pant's pocket. I was going to give it to you when you, uh, took off."

The way he tiptoes around acknowledging my actions gives me some hope. After all, we're in similar situations. Why would I expect him not to understand? I don't know, but the point is that I'm still scared.

"So..." Allen begins. I sit down next to him like I do, with my leg folded under me, and I take a deep breath, trying to find what I can and can't tell him. I suddenly start wondering if Cross keeps any liquor laying around.

I find a decent place to start, and, with my arm folded over the back of the couch, dig my face in it, turn just enough so I won't have to repeat anything Allen might not hear.

"My parents are, well, were, in a rough line of work; they both were. In fact, that's how they met. When you're in situations like they were, love is a weakness, and is not to be experienced, so when they fell for each other, they had to keep it a secret. It was a life-or-death secret."

Allen places his hand on my knee and I stare at it, and continue. "When my mom got pregnant, she decided she needed out of the... _Work,_ which isn't easily accomplished, and she couldn't tell anyone that she was pregnant because she'd get in bigger trouble. When they wouldn't let her out, she started hurting herself, and using that as an excuse to stay at home, saying it happened there or during an accident outside the place."

_Ah, geeze... _My eye starts burning, and I feel Allen scoot closer to me. I don't dare look up at him. I see him start to hold his hands out, as if saying, 'Alright, Lavi. That's enough. Go take your nap,' but I don't let him. If I don't let it out now, I have a feeling I never will, unlike Allen, who's been on and off for almost two weeks.

"My dad didn't like that. He met with her one day and told her that he was going to tell the boss that he had raped her, earning her and the kid full protection, but it was practically a death sentence for him. I guess she wouldn't let him, using some sappy, "I'll never forgive you!" as leverage."

I begin to chuckle sadly, and move to wipe my eye, but Allen beats me to the punch, pulling my face from the crook of my arm and drying my cheek with his thumb. I lean into his hand, exactly like I shouldn't have, and when I go to speak again, I move his hand away gently.

"Anyway, when I was born, my mom took used the time recovering from her injuries to recover from that. Although I sorta lived with my mom, she was never there. I don't even remember what she looked like, or her voice, or my dad at all."

"Now when I say, 'rough line of work,' I meant it. When a rivaling, group, found out that not only one person in the business had a kid, but two together, he must've jumped right on it."

I'm trying to choke through bone-rattling sobs, and I can tell Allen wants me to stop, but if no one knows, how will I ever get over this, now that it's becoming bad again? I just hope it doesn't get to the degree it was, all those years ago. I take another deep breath and work to keep speaking.

"I was about eight at the time, and I was taken." I'm still staring at his hand and cast resting on my knee, but I start to feel Allen's other arm snaking up my shoulder and around my neck. His fingers wrap themselves in and out of the hair at the base of my hairline and it gives me the courage to continue. "Kidnapped, right out from everyone's noses, and used as bait to draw in my parents and have them killed."

As I'm talking, it no longer sounds like my voice. It sounds like a small child, reading aloud a sad novel, and this is the ending. The ending of the book, and for him. I've come to terms with what happened, but whenever I talk about it, it still feels dreamy, like I could awake at any moment and find myself with a normal mom, a real dad, and a family.

Allen's fingers loosens from my hair and I can feel him glide the back of his palm across my cheek, wiping away any tears and I can feel him looking at my scar. I nod. "That's when I lost my eye."

Finally, I have to look up at him, and I watch his eyes shift from my scar, quickly to my good eye, but it doesn't go back. "That's when I moved in with Bookman. He worked together with my parents a few times, so he knew them. He had successfully worked his way out of the job and he agreed to take me in as a friend of the family. He still works as a consultant sometimes, but he always refused to get back into it fully. And now I'm here."

**ooOIOoo**

_No wonder he was so self conscious about his eye._

Strangely enough, this all excused Lavi's behavior; why he was secretly nervous, why he got angry, and even that he took it out on Kanda. He didn't loose his eye, it was taken from him, all for a sick, what, job? I know he's not allowed to tell me everything, like what said job was, or who any of the people are, or were, but I think I'm finally begin to understand Lavi, and why he thinks things that he does.

Like why he's so determined to get me over my arm.

Even though my scar is worse, I have to believe that his story was worse. I got the physical attribute, he got the mental, and together we have to hide from society, constantly trying to cheer each other up.

Although, I'm thinking all these things at once, and my head can't handle all of it. His parent's stupidity got themselves killed and lost their son his eye and almost his sanity. But for a job?! There's got to be something I'm missing, but I still can't get over that. Some rival business? They just decided, 'I'm going to take your kid because you're not giving me what I want!'

Then I'm thinking about Lavi, and what it would've been like. Excruciatingly painful. World-shattering. And to think of all the scars on his sides and back. Are those from that too? Was he... Tortured? Oh god... I can just imagine poor little Lavi, someone telling him that either his parents came and he'll kill _them_, or they wouldn't and he'd kill _him_. Some disgusting low-life standing over him with a knife, or...

I feel bile rising in my throat at the thought. How he could have withstood it, I had no idea. I would have never had the strength. And I've already shown so much weakness in front of Lavi. It was embarrassing. It was degrading to him, when it appeared that I could handle so, so much until I finally broke, when Lavi was still standing tall under double the weight. But people only saw my weaknesses and my struggles, because no body knew. No body knew the pain and misery that Lavi had to go through, and when he broke, he took it out on himself. Well, first Kanda, but then he punished himself; beat himself up for not having the strength by becoming distant, and pushing away his friends.

I don't move for quite a while. Just sitting with my palm resting on Lavi's cheek, but when my thoughts finally calm down, my arms are thrown around him with haste. I want to pull him tight against me, but Lavi needs the comfort, not me. I let him wrap his arms around my torso, but it's a gentle embrace, not one you'd receive from someone in his situation. Why doesn't he understand that he's the one that's suppose to be grabbing _me_ tightly? I'm suppose to be comforting _him!_

"Lavi, stop it," I mumble into his neck. There's hesitation, but he finally moves to hold me tightly. I feel his fists start to ball in my shirt. I start thinking and, inadvertently, it comes out: "You're so strong..." He starts wrapping his arms tighter around my ribs and I don't even care that I can't breathe anymore; I just want to be here for him the way he has been for me. Without thinking my good hand starts combing through his hair, tangling with it as I start to squeeze back. I can feel, more than hear him start to laugh and he slowly starts loosening his grip to down around my waist.

My left arm starts itching, and I start thinking about the history between me and Mana. As soon as I get this dreaded cast off, I have to tell Lavi. I have to tell him about it being my fault, about the arm-length scar. I want to tell him now, but I don't think I have the courage at the moment, and I want to be able to see it without the cast in the way when the time comes. He needs to know.

"Allen?"

I break away from my thoughts and turn up to face him. "Hmm?"

"We're okay, right?"

I have to smile up at him, and he soon follows in suit. "When weren't we?"

He looks like he wants to begin, 'Well all this week...' but he doesn't, which makes both of our life's easier.

His outside arm starts to move off of me completely and he reaches for the soda I brought him. He cracks the can and takes a sip, stretching his legs to prop them on the coffee table. His other then starts to move from around me and it comes to rest behind his head.

_He's always so calm..._

I stop myself before the thought finishes. I wouldn't be able to place a word there fittingly anyway. I can't think about him like that, can I? We're friends. Right? It would be awkward, but stopping to think about everything that's happened in the last two weeks, looking in, it all would have been a bit awkward; some occasions more so than others. What if we're... More than friends? Is that what he wants? _That's what I want sometimes..._

"_In case you haven't noticed..."_

Maybe he thinks so. Maybe I think so, too. Too much thinking, is what I think.

**ooOIOoo**

I watch Allen stand up stiffly, and I lower the can from my lips. He turns on the TV, his soda in hand, and leaves back into the kitchen. I hear him throw it away and pop another open, and when he comes and sits back down, it immediately hits the table, and he flops back against the sofa.

I lean up, my elbows on my knees. "Uh, Allen? You okay there, little buddy?"

I hear him release a long sigh, "We have math homework, don't we." It's not a question.

I flop backwards too, at the memory. "We do."

I grunt and he sighs simultaneously. He stands limply, not even bothering to try and control his arms. He manages to walk back into his room and I glance over the back of the couch to watch him grab his backpack from in front of his door.

"Grab mine too?" I shout back to him. I hear him scoff in reply, and once he returns with both of our bags, I'm pretending to be curled up asleep on the couch. Without even missing a beat, he sits in the hole behind my knees formed with the back of the sofa. I try my best to hold back a laugh, but he ignores me and continues to dig through his backpack for the assignment.

"You're no fun," I tell him, finally sitting up once he starts his work.

"Lavi, homework. I'm not taking it when you blame it on me... Again."

I sigh. I did have a notorious habit of telling the teacher that it was Allen's fault I couldn't finish my homework but he hardly ever believed me anyway. I managed to remove my legs out from under Allen and he dropped onto the cushions, making me snicker. _He's so short._

I drag my bag to me and scrape out the pages I need. Words cannot describe how glad I was that we were in the same Algebra 2 class. I wasn't very good in math. I was the history nerd, he was the math geek, and that's how it went. We were equally decent in reading and writing, so with our combined intelligence, we got the job done. I hardly ever did homework anyway, so my grade appreciated it.

We each started on our homework. By now, we had a routine. I would start at the last problem and work my way to the first, and he would start at the top and work normally. I would pause and ask for help occasionally, and he would help me, and then we'd look over each other's for mistakes. He knew the big stuff, but I remembered the small things, and sometimes I would even catch him tripping up. Not very often, though.

It was about an hour later when our homework was finished and around four in the afternoon. _Too early to go to bed, but not too late for a nap..._

I yawn and stretch out across the couch, inadvertently tossing my feet into Allen's lap as he stares at the TV blankly. When my heels slap down onto his knees, I feel him turn to me. What expression he's wearing, however, I can't tell; my eye is already closed, and I'm half asleep, but I hear him sigh my name with a slight scoff. I smirk and drift off.

When I come to, I'm curled up on my side, facing the coffee table. I groan and sit up to find Allen, leaning on my legs, his good arm folded under his chin as a pillow. His legs are still kicked off the couch but it's obvious he's asleep. I can't move to get a marker, so I find it best just to wake him up.

Trying to stay as still as possible, I lean up and poke him in the nose. He fidgets, but doesn't wake. I try it again, my face steadily getting closer to his. Still nothing. Once more and I'm right in his face. His eyes flutter open behind his hair and I smirk deviously at him. It takes him a moment to realize our noses are only centimeters away from touching, but when he does, he almost falls off the couch, arms flailing.

"Ah!? L-Lavi! Was that necessary?" He rubs his nose against his sleeve, seemingly wondering if I left any damage. I almost fall off the couch too, but for a different reason.

I have to hold my stomach, afraid it'd burst if I didn't because I'm laughing so hard. The way he jumped? Priceless! I'd do it again if I had the chance.

"Ha, Short-stack! You should'a seen your face! Oh go- Ah geeze!" I'm choking between bits of laughter, and when I finally manage to pry my eye open and wipe it clean of tears, he's glaring at me.

"It's Allen," he mumbles furiously. "Please don't do that again."

"No promises, Beansprout," I tell him, starting to settle down.

"My name is Allen!" He yells, fists clenched at his sides. I start laughing again, but I manage to rein it in before it becomes uncontrollable. I watch him pant for a moment before holding my hands up in defeat.

"Okay, okay. Geeze, Allen. Calm down, I was just having a joke."

He sighs in relief and pats his hands together. "That's better."

I manage a snort of amusement, "You're cute when you're angry."

Suddenly his face goes blank and he turns to me, like he couldn't believe I said what I did. When I don't say anything else, his face starts to redden, and he turns back to stare at the coffee table. "Well, cut it out."

I snort at him again, in humor of course. "No promises," I smirk.

He crosses his arms over his chest and his stomach begins to roar like a tiger. Now he smirks, and turns to me slowly. "Hey, uh, what do we got in the kitchen for dinner? I guess we were out for a while."

That's when I finally think to look for a clock. We fell asleep around four, and now it's almost seven. _Whoa, long nap._

I start thinking about what's in the fridge and pantry, taking an inventory. "Um, some chocolate chips, soda, tomato soup, and I think instant rice," I list off, rubbing the back of my neck. "Not much, is it? Hey, we could invent something! Chocolate and tomato soup...! With rice!"

Allen shakes his head. "I guess we're eating out again then," he sighs. "I'll pay. I eat most of it anyway." He laughs nervously and stands, finding his shoes by the door and slipping into them. I laugh as I sneak back into my room for my shoes and eye patch. "I'm just glad it's close by. I've never lived this close to a restaurant before, you lucky bastard. And with your appetite!" I doubt he can hear me, but I just pretend that he does. I return to the living room where he's waiting by the door, adjusting his sleeve and glove.

I open the door while he's busying himself, and bow as I direct him through, "Ladies first."

He chuckles, "Then by all means," he says, gesturing out the door. I smirk at him, slightly impressed at his rebound. "Why thank you, kind sir." I push him towards the door and he goes with it, walking out before me. I close it behind me, and I realize that they hardly ever lock the front door. I decided to turn it into conversation.

"Hey Allen? How come you never look the door?"

He shrugs and starts to laugh, "Because there's nothing in there worth stealing, and the neighborhood knows that. Besides, I think Cross is hoping for something to get stolen so he can lie about the value to the police, and maybe get some money for it. But, nothing is insured, so I don't know why he'd bother. Probably one of his drunken ideas..."

I start to laugh. "How often is he drunk," I ask. He never seems too drunk when he's around. He drives and all.

"Almost all the time. I've only ever seen him completely sober twice. He's scary when he's not drunk." I see him visibly shudder at the thought. I wonder what makes him so scary? I don't mention it though.

"So? Allen! You ever been drunk?" I ask him completely light-hearted, trying to squeeze another laugh out of this. He turns to me, shocked.

"What? Lavi, what reason would I have to get drunk? I'm underage anyway!" He huffs and I laugh at how defensive he gets over the smallest things.

"So what? You've never broken the law?"

"No," he scoffs.

"Oh really? All that time you spend in a bar? _Gambling?_"

"Well," his argument starts loosing footing fast and he crosses his arms. "Well, that's different. I didn't really have a choice. If Cross didn't work up so many debts..! And not many jobs hire at seven."

The conversation ball drops quickly from there. I can tell a touchy subject when it nears, and I don't want to say anything else. No one picks it back up until we've already sat down at the food joint and our dinner is ordered.

"Hey, Allen. Summer is closing in pretty quickly, huh? Got any plans? Scuba-diving lessons? Skydiving? Any new video games coming out?"

I sit back like I always do, my head resting back into my hands. Allen's cast is hidden discretely under the table and his other is sitting up on it. "Well, I can't do anything with this stupid cast, now can I? Two more weeks. Maybe I can cut it off sooner myself. Wanna help?"

He looks up at me, genuinely asking. "Allen," I begin, "If you need that thing on for three weeks, it's staying on for three weeks. End of discussion."

He sighs and slumps back against the chair. He looks like he's starting to plot something, and I note it, but don't press any further.

Finally our food comes. Well, Allen's does. He needs two waiters, each arms' full with plates to deliver his food. One brings my two plates once his is all here, one of them being only french fries. I start to dig in, and before I'm even done with m meal, I see Allen's innocence creeping up on me. "You going to finish your fries...?"

I look up to see every single one of his plates clear and stacked at the end of the table.

I drop my food and lean back, crossing my arms. "Okay, you've gotta tell me where you hide all that. It's like you leave a tiny Labrador in your sleeve..! I'd be shocked if he starved to death. Oohh, what's his name?"

Allen rolls his eyes at me. "Timcanpy. His name is Timcanpy," he says sarcasticly. "Now, about those fries...?"

I sigh. "Sure, take some."

Once I'm finished, Allen pays the bill like he says, and doesn't even let me look at it. That's a hint that it must have been expensive. Like I would expect any different.

We both stand to walk the way home.

We're both grumbling about being full, well, me more so than Allen, but the walk back was satisfying at best. The sun had almost entirely set and the moon and stars were starting to become visible. I was watching them almost the entire way home. On several occasions, Allen had to stop me from walking into the road or a telephone pole.

When we finally got back to the house, an idea hit me. "Hey Allen, do we have a ladder?"

He looked at me, confused. "What? Um, maybe. Probably leaning against the side of the house."

"Okay, hold on. Don't go inside yet," I called, running around the building. I found it laying on the ground, leaning up against the house. I nod to myself in satisfaction. Picking it up, I lean it against the house and that's when Allen decides to join me.

"What are you doing?" I start climbing up to the roof. "Lavi?"

"C'mon, Allen! Don't leave me up here alone!"

I hear him sigh and then the metallic sounds of the ladder. His white head of hair pops up over the darkness behind him and he slowly stands and makes his way over to me. I find a good slope and lie down, staring up at the stars.

With an almost sad smile, he lays down with his good side to me. I feel his head touch against my shoulder, but he doesn't get any closer, but I want him to. I want him to lay his head gently on my chest, where I can bury my face in his hair and wrap my arm around his shoulders.

"Isn't it beautiful, Allen? Betcha' never though of coming up here, huh?" I feel him shake his head. Before I can really notice, my hand has found his and I'm slowly painting circles in his palm with my finger, and tracing the creases of his skin. I don't dare look over to see his reaction, but when his fingers slide in between mine, I release the breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Do you know any of the animal things," Allen asks.

I chuckle lightly, "You mean constellations?"

He nods.

"Yeah. I know some of them. Not all of them are animals. Like that one?" I point out three very bright stars in an almost perfect line with my unoccupied hand. "That's Orion's belt. The rest of him's there, but it's hard to see. Um..."

Finding another, I trace the "Y" that it forms with my finger. "That shape right there? That's Taurus; the bull. And that thing right in between his horns is Jupiter."

"Really?" His eyes don't leave the bright light of the other planet. "But that's so far away..."

I have to smile at him. "I know. Weird, huh? I don't get it either. Let's see, what other ones..."

"Lavi," Allen asks gingerly. I can't help but turn to look at him at the tone of his voice and my heart stops. His silver eyes simply soak up the light from the stars and bottle it, hiding it right behind his irises, and from there, it shines. I've never seen that kind of brilliance before. It was heart-wrenching.

Without my permission, my hand slipped from Allen's, and it moved to hold me up over him. My other falls delicately around his cheek and his entire face flushes in the near-darkness, but his eyes never release that light. He moves to look away nervously, but I don't let him. Bringing him back to face me, my lips fall to brush against his. I can almost feel the heat emanating from his face. A small whimper leaves his lips and mine descend to capture his gently.

I feel him start to lean up into it, but I pull back almost immediately. Certainly wouldn't want to scare him away. I fall onto my back once again and return to drawing patterns and tracing in his hand.

Whether _we _work out or not, I want to remember this. I'm pleasantly surprised when Allen rolls into me and finally rests his head on my chest. His casted arm follows, falling onto my stomach (mostly because there's no where else for it to go) and I pull him into me further. We watch the stars indefinitely, and in what seems like an eternity later, Allen starts snoring softly into his cast.

I laugh light-heartedly, wondering whether I should wake him or join him.

* * *

**And another chapter draws to a close. I'm starting to lose faith in this very quickly... Someone better stop me before I give up. Or fuck it, and keep writing, and turn this thing into a pile of shit inadvertently... I'm known for doing that... If you guys really want me to continue this, speak up, or else there might only be a chapter or two left. Just to really dig it in, I'll end with a cliff-hanger, too. Take that!**

**Yeah, yeah; I'm mean, I know. You'll get over it.  
**


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry guys, nothing much today. Just some fluff! We all love fluff, right? And I have a special reward for a certain few of you down at the end, along with my ceremonial author's note. Expect a big chapter soon. Well, not too soon; I _am_ a procrastinator...  
**

* * *

An obnoxious buzzard rips me awake and I jump to face it immediately. "Why can I never remember to shut you _off on the weekends?!_ Wha-?"

I sit up and look around, my hand pinned against the back on my head, rubbing it in confusion. I'm on my mattress, in my room. _That's weird... I don't remember going to bed last night..._

Both my arms move behind me to hold up my weight and I lean back casually. I look around again, double checking my eyesight. I'm definitely in my room.

_What _is_ the last thing I remember last night..?_

I work to think back. I got home from school, Allen and I did our homework, fell asleep, then ate out. We came home and climbed on the roof, watched stars and...

My stomach flips. I feel my face start to heat up, but I quickly shoo it away; there's no need for that. But I remember.

_I kissed Allen._

An expression somewhere between smug and hopeful passes over me, but it's only for a moment. I become caught up in remembering all the details that I can, squeezing them out of my memory. I can't think; I only remember, wading in the nostalgia it brings me.

_I _kissed_ Allen._

_And he almost kissed me back._

Before my heart decides it wants to suddenly stop working, or worse, make a break for it out my throat, I have to divide my focus. I won't dismiss the memory completely; I can't do that, it might never come back.

I toss the sheets off my legs and try to find the strength to stand. Having a bed this low to the ground is starting to annoy my knees. And the rest of me. I make my way to stand and find some clothes appropriate for a Saturday. And by that, I mean long, baggy, plaid pajama pants. I tug them up my waist and leave my room, checking to see if Allen is awake or, god forbid, Cross is home.

I walk out into the hallway and, like always, Allen's door is closed. I don't want to bother knocking, in case he is still asleep, so I stand in front of his door. I lean close to the noticeably cheap wood, whispering, "Allen?" There's no response. "Allen, you awake?"

I take that as a 'No.' Deciding it's best to leave him be, and _not_ draw all over his face with a marker (I'd never make it in his room silently enough anyway) I leave for the living room. I check to make sure there are no sounds coming from Cross' door, and when that room is silent too, I sigh in relief.

The memory is still slowly replaying behind my thoughts as background noise. I move to the front door and walk outside to sit on the curb. Why, I'm not sure. Maybe because it was getting cold inside and I needed some sun.

I look back at the side of the house, once I'm situated, and see that the ladder is still propped against the building. I smirk to myself, and the kiss relapses once again in my mind, then loops back to the beginning: me, already laying on the roof and the sounds of Allen climbing up to join me, the feeling of his finger intertwined with mine. They fit so perfectly there. I miss it already. I stare down at my hand, eying the spaces in between. Of course his hands aren't that much smaller than mine, but just enough so to fill the gaps pleasantly. I ball my hand into a fist, trying to rid myself of the craving, but it doesn't help. I sigh sadly to myself, wondering how long it'll be until Allen lets me that close again, and how long he'll let me stay.

I watch a paperboy pass the house on his bike. I drop my head ever so slightly, enough for my hair to fall in just the right place, covering my scar. A wave of panic comes down on me, but I stop it. _No more of this,_ I tell it. _You're not controlling me anymore._

And with that, it's gone, and a familiar yell pulls my attention back to the innards of the house.

"LAAAVVI!?"

I stand, chuckling to myself. I guess Allen's awake, and I assume that wasn't the first time he's yelled. I sneak back into the house and find him ducking his head into the kitchen. I tiptoe up behind him, and I watch him go to turn around when-

"Uggh!"

His fist collides with my face; something I certainly wasn't expecting, and something I don't think I have the brain-power to cope with right now.

"Ugh, Allen?! What the fuck, man!?" I'm clutching my jaw in my hand, rubbing my temple and trying to ease the pain. It's not working. That was one _serious_ punch.

"L-Lavi! Ah, oh I'm sorry..!" He smacks me weakly in my arm, and I have to glare at him. _Like one hit wasn't enough?!_

"Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"Look man, if this is for last night..." I start to joke. I watch his worried expression turn to almost panic, and I decided I can't leave it there. "I promise! I'll pay next time!"

He starts to laugh, but it's short lived. "Sorry, Lavi. You know I'm-"

"One jumpy son-of-a-bitch?" I finish for him. He really starts to laugh, and so do I. I start to stretch out my jaw, and Allen looks at it strangely.

"Admiring your handy-work?" He chuckles and reaches up for my face. My hand lowers instinctively for him, and he touches what will undoubtedly become the bruise.

I flinch away at his more or less rough touch, "Sorry," he replies, and I can see the apology in his eyes as he tries again. I begin to brace myself, but when his fingers are feather-light, I relax. He gently ebbs the pain away and it's honestly tolerable now. I begin to smile at him and I reach up to lower his hand from my cheek.

"Thanks."

He cocks his head at me like a confused puppy, and suddenly I wouldn't mind if he punched me again. "For?" He asks.

I shrug, and he snorts in amusement. Before I can even think it, he knows what I want to say. I frown at him playfully and he starts laughing freely. Now it's my turn to scoff sarcastically. "Oh c'mon, Lavi. I said I'm sorry."

"Yeah, yeah," I start before I walk away towards the couch.

"What were you doing outside," he begins as he joins me on the sofa.

I shrug at him again. "Thinking."

He looks at me like he doesn't fully believe it, but I let him think what he wants. "Thinking about what, may I ask?"

_Moment of truth..._

"You." I reply without a moment's hesitation. He glances up at me, and my eye shifts to watch him, and I see his face light up bright red, almost down to his collarbones.

"Oh..." I can hear the wonder in his voice, and the embarrassment, but it's the good kind. When he doesn't move, I move my hand dangerously closer to his, waiting to see how he'll react. That's when his fingers find mine again and my breath hitches in my throat. I wrap my fingers around his hand, soaking in the feeling. His do the same to mine, and I have to restrain myself.

He coughs into his other hand awkwardly and I smile brightly to myself. _He's so cute when he's embarrassed._

"So, Lavi, any _big plans_ for today," Allen asks anything-but-innocently. I shrug pointedly at him. "I don't know; are you suggesting something?" Winking won't work with my missing eye, so I nudge him with my elbow. I feel his hand freeze in mine and I snicker. Sometimes he's so innocent, but sometimes he's quite the opposite, without even knowing it.

I smile at him again, outwardly this time. "Um," he clears his throat, "Lenalee is coming over."

I look at him suspiciously, "Who's driving?"

"Kanda."

_Yu's back? _I hum at him in response, "Oh. I probably should apologize to Yu, huh?" I scoff at the thought. No matter how much I want to be thinking about Yu in this situation, I let my thoughts go back to Allen. I squeeze his hand and I watch his face heat up again. I laugh and he fakes a glare at me, only making me laugh harder. I see him huff, and I smile. I look him up and down and decide that he's going to have to get used to me kissing him, and quickly. "You're going to have to stop looking so..."

He eyes me, turning more towards me on the sofa, "So...?"

"Cute."

He blushes furiously, reaching his ears and neck. I can't stop myself from leaning in. Allen looks frightened for a moment, and I stop. I straighten again, and loosen my grip on his hand and holding my breath, in case he wants to pull away. He doesn't and sigh in relief.

Against my will, I tear my hand away from Allen's and stand, ruffling his hair as I go. "Well, better get some clothes on then!" I shout, forcing a joyful laugh from my throat. I can't tell if he buys it or not, because I don't look back until I'm almost down the hallway. I pad into my room, closing the door. I find some clothes laying around my bed or in my bookshelf and, double-checking they don't smell too bad, change into them. I pick up my eye-patch from where I left it and tie it around my head. It gets caught in my hair and I wince before correcting it. I hear Allen's door shut and I assume he's doing the same.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I realize that, almost since the day I moved in I haven't seen him with his cover-up; he hasn't been hiding his scar. Not at home, not at school... Granted, I wasn't sure how often he actually bothered, but I haven't seen him with it at all since that fateful day.

Even though I'm curious as to why this is, I don't think I'm going to ask. The question might rub him the wrong way, and I don't want to bother him. Especially after last night. A gentle smile comes to my face as I think of it, and my hand slowly raises to rest on my lips. _His_ were there just last night; not even twelve hours ago.

Allen's door swings open and it shocks me out of my day dream. My hand falls to my side and I leave for the living room to check the time. It's almost eleven o'clock, and just as I feel the urge to ask Allen what time Kanda and Lenalee are showing up, I hear a knock at the door. Before either of us have a chance to answer it, Yu is in the house with Lenalee quick on his tail, glaring at the back of his head.

"Kanda! Do you really want a repeat of last weekend!"

"Maybe I do!" He stomps right up to me, stopping dead center, only a few inches away. I can feel his breath on me, and it's honestly kind of frightening.

He grabs me by the collar, "Listen, Usagi! Pull anything else and I'm not holding back!"

I scoff then beam at him. "Oh, Yu! You know I would never hurt a dear friend of mine!"

"Che." He throws me away from him, and I catch my balance, or else I would've fallen right on top of Lenalee and Allen. Kanda fold his arms over his chest and glares me down, not saying a word.

I try my best to brush him off, but it's easier said than done. I face Lenalee, a wide grin on my face, and it feels fake. "Lena! You're here! Sorry we didn't pick up the house for you. Allen was being lazy and whatnot, and I figured Yu was going to destroy it again anyway."

Kanda tries to scold me in the background, and Allen's raving for calling him lazy, but no one's paying attention. It only makes me laugh.

Lenalee shrugs. "That's okay, Lavi. I thought we could go somewhere! Allen?" She turns to the white-haired boy, "Is that okay?"

It seems to snap Allen out of some day dream and he looks unaware for a moment. A second later, he nods. "Sure, that sounds great. Where did you have in mind?"

**ooOIOoo**

Bakanda's driving, and Lavi and I are in the backseat, Lenalee in shotgun. She's talking, but she's going to fast for me to comprehend, and my mind is too busy with other things anyway. I'm staring blankly out the window, and my thoughts are racing.

_So it wasn't a dream..._

After last night, everything's been fuzzy. My sight, my thoughts, my memory... You know that feeling where something good happens, and you don't want to believe it, and it doesn't feel real? Like you're just waiting for the universe to change it's mind about letting you be happy, and you're waiting for it to just sweep everything away?

Exactly.

When I woke up, I remembered last night, crystal clear, and now it's getting foggy. _Stupid over-thinking everything..._

What if it was just a lie? What if, Lavi didn't mean it. He's probably going to take it back today. I'm going to forgive him, and we're all going to live peacefully and most importantly, happy.

_Would I be happy with that? Without Lavi? Would he be happy without me?_

Of course he would. Anyone would be happier without me in their life. Some scarred, scared kid, who dresses weird and talks funny and cheats at poker. Who _would_ want that in their life? Certainly not me, so why would Lavi?

_But, he must be. He-... He tried kissing me this morning, didn't he? Wasn't that what that was? It had to be. But it couldn't? Why is everything so confusing!?_

I must have let out an angry sigh, because that's when I feel Lavi's hand on my shoulder. I jump and face him, and he looks genuinely concerned. _Why?_

He doesn't say anything. Lenalee is still ranting about who said what and who's feelings it hurt, and Kanda's eyes are on the road.

My afraid eyes soften. '_I'm okay,'_ I mouth to him. He gives me a weak smile, a question, and I smile back at him, about as strong. He lays his hand on mine, which is sitting on the bench-seat, but doesn't grasp it; it only rests there. I let my eyes slide closed and a small, warm smile finds my features. Lavi smiles back at me; a real, happy smile and I suddenly wished he had interlaced his fingers in with mine. And that we were back home.

* * *

**Whoa! Four, count 'em, FOUR reviews on one chapter. I think that's a record.**

**Since I've gotten a decent bunch of reviews, how about I reply to some of them, eh?  
**

** Kalistrazan- I'm glad you love it so much! ;U; I'll try and keep your heart in one piece by continuing. More than once, huh? I think you're over-estimating me. ^^'  
**

**A 'Guest' says, "This is one of the only stories that portrays Allen and Lavi correctly." You know who you are.**

** This certain 'Guest'- I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! ;A; I'm surprised this isn't labeled as "Deadly OOC," and you think it's actually GOOD? Whoa. That caught me by surprise, but it's greatly appreciated; I'm glad. I guess I'm doing something right.**

** fullmetal96100- Like I told Lakistrazan, I'll try my best to keep going. Any feedback is good feedback, I suppose.  
**

**And another 'Guest' says, "I love it! I think you should keep writing! PLEASE!" (More or less.) ^^'**

** This specific 'Guest'- I'm glad you love it as much as you do! Mind telling me what it is _exactly_ that you love so much? It might make me *sickly cough* want to *sigh* go on...? *wheeze* xD**

**And that wraps that up. ⌡: Well, I hope you enjoyed your bit of fluff. Consider it a reward for you four. NO ONE ELSE! YOU DON'T DESERVE IT! I kid, guys. Follows and favorites are good too.**


	12. Chapter 12

We stop at Kanda's for a quick stop, then we reach where we're going.

"The Mall?! Yeah! Lenalee!"

Lavi immediately takes off to the nearest window and stares in, looking for anything interesting to buy. He jumps quickly to the next one. I can tell he's completely enthused, hopping from one store to the next.

Suddenly, he slumps back to us, and his head falls on my shoulder, and he looks almost like he's going to cry.

"Why didn't anyone tell me-I didn't bring any money!" It's one long sentence. Lavi burrows his face in the side of my arm and starts to sob. I have to laugh at his antics.

"Lavi, calm down. What did you want to buy anyway?"

He picks his head off my shoulder and glares at me, like he couldn't believe what I was saying. "Allen, it's a _mall._ There's _always_ something to buy! Whether you know you want it or not..!"

I only roll my eyes. _Only Lavi._

"I'm sorry, Lavi," Lenalee speaks up, "I wasn't expecting you to be so excited." She gives him a gentle smile, and he seems to perk up a bit. He finally straightens and wraps his arm around my neck. I try shrugging him off, but his arm is heavy!

"That's okay. Maybe next time." I glare up at him, and see a mischievous smirk on his face. I just hope there can _be_ a next time. I don't think any of us feel like being kicked out of the only mall within a couple of miles.

As our group starts moving, I try again to work Lavi's arm from my neck, and he only wraps around me tighter. I try lifting my arm and manually removing him, but the cast won't allow it, and I finally sigh in defeat. I listen to him snicker quietly. We're half way through one of the sections of the mall and Lenelee spots a store she seems to find interesting, but Kanda stopped dead in his tracks.

"V-vict-toria's Secret?"

_Oh no, what if she makes us go in there? What if _Lavi _makes me go in there?! What if he makes a scene, and everyone starts staring!?_

"No way," Kanda tells Lenalee, unwavering like I unfortunately was not.

I start to relax; Lenalee usually leaves Kanda alone once he makes a decision. Apparently, today wasn't a usual day.

"Kanda? What's wrong?" She tilts her head slightly in confusion, almost like a kitten who only wants the feather toy and doesn't understand why it won't stop moving.

The wannabe-samurai crosses his arms over his chest with a, "Che," then glares down at the ground. "You heard me. I'm not going in that frou-frou, pink hellhole."

Lenalee seems to have taken up her ground, and she looks like she's starting to get aggravated. That's when Lavi speaks up, to my misfortune.

"But, Kanda!" He bounds to the long-haired teen and leans in to whisper something in his ear. He looks mildly annoyed at the closeness.

I'm near them, and I can hear clearly what Lavi is saying:

"Don't you want to help Lenalee pick out something cute?"

Suddenly, Kanda's ears are red (mine are too, honestly) and his hand is planted over Lavi's entire face. Kanda throws him into the nearest wall, and Lavi slumps to the ground, a devilish smirk still in place, yet hidden by his hair. Without another word, Kanda is following Lenalee into the all-too-feminine store.

I slowly start backing away and Lavi works to stand and brush himself off. He sees me panicking, and I can almost see his eye zoom in, identifying me as a target. I want to turn and run, every fiber of my being is telling me to turn around and take off, but my legs won't go. The sudden movement would attract even more eyes than walking into Victoria's Secret, trailing two guys and Lenalee.

I swallow my dignity before Lavi has the chance to steal it, or better yet, hand it out to all the other shoppers as party favor. He walks over to my paralyzed form and loops his arm through my left one, the cast not even bothering him. Did he do this consciously, knowing that I'd at least want my arm away from the general public? Has he learnt me so quickly? Or more so, am I okay with it?

I can't think any further on this as he drags me into the bright pink store.

Lenalee starts rummaging through different drawers, racks and other organizing systems, but I'm too worried fearing for my life. Thankfully, Lavi hasn't pulled anything yet, but that doesn't mean I'm not expecting it. _He's probably going to wait until I put my guard down..._

He hasn't let go of my arm yet, and he keeps a close eye on me. Why, I'm not sure, but it's starting to freak me out. At least I don't have to bother about protecting my scarred arm.

"Hey, Allen!"

I wince, bracing myself.

_Here it comes. Get ready to run..._

"Wanna go for out for dinner tomorrow?"

_What?_

"Hey, c'mon Allen," I hear Lenalee call, but I'm too shocked to reply to her, but she does knock me out of my trance.

"Oh, uh, okay...?" I feel a smile creeping up my neck and onto my face. Obviously it was an odd one because Lavi starts laughing. I only scoff at him and I follow Lenalee gladly, leaving Lavi behind.

"Hey!"

I have to laugh as he lunges to catch up with us.

We enter another clothing store. A normal one, this time, and we start to subconsciously pair and split up. Of course, I'm with Lavi without even noticing it. Kanda and Lenalee don't go too far, but Yu doesn't look too enthused. He just stands to the sidelines, watching Lenalee browse.

Lavi and I, on the other hand, are searching rashly through shelves and racks, efficiently destroying the elegant setup. Then I stumble across something that catches my eye.

It's just a scarf, but the shade of orange that stares back at me is one I've never seen before. It reminds me of Lavi. I reach to pick it up and it's beautifully soft. I just want to rub my face in it; find a couple, sew them together and make a sleeping bag out of them, and snuggle into it without ever leaving again.

Well, that's a little crazy, but I wouldn't hesitate.

Lavi seems to have noticed the way I'm mesmerized by the scarf. He seems to be intrigued by it, too, but not to the degree that I am. I don't focus on him, worried he'd make something out of this and maybe say or do something unnecessary. As much as I want to put it back, I can't make myself. I run my thumb over the fabric again and-

"Hey, let's go somewhere else. This is boring," he declares loudly. He watches me lay down the garment with disdain, then pulls me from the store.

I try not to hang my head as badly as I want to, but I wander off anyway. It occurs to me that only Kanda is following, and I pause to see what the others are up to, and I see Lavi and Lenalee engaged in conversation. Jealousy almost bubbles to the surface in side my chest, but I manage to subdue it. What should I be jealous about? Lavi doesn't belong to me, and I don't belong to him...

"Hey Allen! Want to borrow a dollar?" Lenalee calls to me as she catches up.

I look at her mildly confused, but then it hits me what she's suggesting. I would have asked myself, if only I didn't want to feel guilty about taking her money. She slips the bill from the small bag hanging at her waist from around her neck and I take it and hide it in my pocket.

Lavi's finally catching up to us but we've already gotten a decent distance away from him, and when I see him pacing towards me, I speed up, walking backwards to smile at him.

"Moya-"

I see Lenalee quickly shut Kanda up. Lavi starts picking up speed, and I'm well away from our group, and Lavi's starting to jog to catch me.

"C'mon, stupid rabbit! What are you waiting for?"

With this, he almost slows down, deadpanned. Then, a fearsome smirk comes over him. I have to turn back around to avoid tripping with the speed we're now at. I take a quick turn, taking another route, and I can finally see my destination. I don't think Lavi does, or else he would've stopped in his tracks just to gape.

Man, is Lavi fast! I glance back and he's almost right on my tail. He could probably grab me if he just reached out his hand. I kick it into high-gear and speed down the hall. When Lavi starts getting close again, I slam on the brakes. Luckily for me, he doesn't realize until he's flown right past me. He does the same, to the best of his ability, and finally he sees.

**ooOIOoo**

In the crossroads of the mall, there's the main center. It's kind of like a town square, and in the center is one of the largest carousels I've ever seen. It's three stories tall and houses even the most exotic creatures, all slowly chasing after one another in the same exact circle for decades.

"Allen," I breathe as he joins my side.

He smiles up at me. "I thought you'd like it."

I glances down at him, my eye almost lustful. Is that healthy?

"I don't have any money! I want to ride the merry-go-round, please?!"

He slowly slides the dollar he borrowed off of Lenalee out of a crook in his cast, and I eye it in bewilderment.

_Of course he's going to let me ride it. He can't _not_ do it._

Taking too long, I steal his dollar, taking his hand and running to the man at the entrance to the ride. I hand it to the chubby ticket man and I pull Allen up each short flight of stairs encompassing the central tower that both powers and supports the ride. I take him immediately to the top, the third floor and he's already determined to sit in the middle row, but I pick which column, clamoring on to the back of a a lion in mid-roar. I mount the mighty beast and he climb onto the one next to it: a hippocampus. Half horse, half fish, all majestic. Maybe a little weird, but the animal is shiny and beautiful anyway. His casted arm wraps around the golden pole spearing the poor creature, and my hand finds Allen's, and his fingers sit right where they're suppose to in between mine.

I feel the ride shutter to begin, and I grip Allen's tightly. He does the same, tearing his gaze away from the people from below. I turn to him, beaming, and I realize I don't think I've ever been this happy around him. This... Real.

"This is so cool," I begin, obviously tearing him away from his thoughts before they can spiral into depressing 'what-if's. "Thanks." I pause. "Thanks for everything."

I turn away from him before I can catch his surprised expression; I know he wouldn't want me to, but I still know it's there. I hold his hand tighter and he takes mine almost for dear life and my smile widens.

"Can we come back tomorrow?" He laughs, and turns out towards the people. I think I can see Kanda and Lenalee approaching. It _should_ be them, so I wave, and I see Lenalee wave back, so it must be.

A warm-hearted laugh escapes Allen's throat. Is this the first time he's ever _really _been happy? This specific kind of happy is a rare one, but most people get to experience it before they're sixteen, right? In _my_ past, I've never really had this kind of _happy _before; I've never had time to be this carefree.

_That's it. That's what it is._ Carefree.

_And I love it._

"Sorry, Lavi. Not tomorrow."

I really expected it, so fortunately it doesn't ruin my mood. "Hey Allen?" I turn to him and I can see him focus on my functioning eye. His two appear to be sparkling, and they're peering intently into my one. "No one's ever done something like this for me."

Allen looks at me like he doesn't know what to say. I don't blame him; I didn't expect him to take this in stride, but I needed to say something, and to tell him how much I appreciate it. That's when the ride ends and the playful music fades. I keep a good grip on his hand and slide off the shiny plastic creature I've been mounted upon, towards him and he blushes furiously. He does the same, but it seems mechanical and awkward. I step closer to him and he backs into the animal behind him. He takes his hand from mine and plants it on my chest, his face bright red and eyes wide. My hand that he left behind makes it's way to his waist. His gaze lowers and he stares down between us.

"May I-"

"Lenalee and Y... W-what if they s-... We shouldn't keep the waiting."

I can only nod, disappointed. I step off of him, my head hung. I catch him move to say something, but I snuff it out.

"No no. You're right. Let's go; we have a surprise for you," I tell him, a fake smile in place. I feel he can tell, but he looks at me confused anyway, and I lead us both down the stairs and back to out friends.

When we arrive by their side, Lenalee's wearing Allen's scarf. He sees this and looks shocked and irritated at the same time; almost jealous. Lenalee unravels it and it slides off from around her neck, and she drapes it around Allen's in return. "Consider it an early birthday gift," she smiles, "From all of us."

"Except Yu," I add.

This sends him off ranting, but Allen doesn't care. He starts toying with the ends of the scarf, soaking in the feeling. Then suddenly, he buries his face where it bulges up by his ear.

I can't help but laugh at his innocent behavior. But he is, more or less. Innocent, that is. He's been through things that most people haven't, and it's affected him. He hasn't been able to enjoy or experience life; many things are new to him.

Like having true friends.

_Like being loved._

The ride home, I fell asleep. Of course, Kanda drove, and Allen and I were in the backseat. It was starting to get dark, even though we left the mall moderately early. I was already fast asleep as soon as the car started up, but I guess Kanda must have hit a bump, and I must have fallen, because when I woke up, I was comfortably curled on the seat, my head resting in Allen's lap, and his arm over me awkwardly.

As soon as I woke up, I just laid there. I didn't want to move, in fear of ruining this moment. Every so often when Kanda and Lenalee weren't looking, Allen would glance down and run his hand through my hair, speechless, and it warmed me to the core.

I was so fully content with today, I doubt there would ever be another day to rival it.

I felt the car move into the driveway, because it stopped shortly afterward.

"No, Lenalee. You don't have to get out, it's okay."

That's when Allen started rocking me gently. "Lavi, wake up."

Nothing.

"Lavi! We're home. Wake up!"

I groan and roll over in his lap, wrapping my hands around his knee affectionately. I hear him sigh, and I'm trying to hold back laughter when-

"Ugh!" I lurch up in my seat. It's not until I look over to see Allen blowing smoke off his thumb that I understand what happened.

"Into my chest!? Why! I was awake!"

Allen smirks, and I'm left rubbing my chest.

"Usagi! Get out of my car!"

I groan as I move to the car door. "Shut it, Yu."

He starts to fume, but Lenalee cuts him off, spouting about how he needs to learn to be nicer.

I clamor out of the car, rubbing my chest. Allen's at the door waving goodbye to Chinese girl. But not Kanda. Yu doesn't deserve it.

"Why? You already punched me this morning! You know, you're abusive! I'm going to report you!"

Allen almost winks at me, and I can only guess at what's coming next.

"Yeah, well technically-" he gestures between us, "this could be rape. Report that."

He always manages to make jokes that might mean something. He opens the door and we both slip in. I work my shoes off at the door, and Allen does the same, using the wall as balance.

_Did that mean something? Did he just call us a couple? What? Why is he so good at this...!_

I want to just squint my eye really hard and believe that I could figure out the answers that way, but I know that's not going to work. Well maybe two can play this game.

"I'm sorry!" I shrug, "I like dating younger dudes! Is that a crime?"

He looks like he wants to continue this banter, but I think I finally caught him up. He's almost at the couch, about to sit down I assume. Now, however, he's just starting at me extremely shocked.

"I-... Is this-?"

I shrug, completely poker-faced. "Is it?" I ask confidently.

Allen suddenly looks extremely sad, like I've broken something inside him. I rush to his side and take his shoulders in both hands. "Alle-"

With some strength, he shrugs me off. "Allen, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean it like that."

"No, no, Lavi. It's okay."

I sigh, and try again, laying my hand gingerly on his shoulder. He only glances at it this time. I so desperately want to move it to his cheek. I just want to hold him. "Allen I'm sorry. Please don't do this." Almost unconsciously, my hand on his shoulder slides to the nape of his neck, and gladly he doesn't swat me off. I take his chin in my other hand, forcing him to look at me. I stare down into his eyes, trying to stare away all the unshed tears. I lean in cautiously; I just can't stop myself.

We're two inches apart.

A nose-length.

A breath.

A hair.

My hand abandons his chin and settles around his waist. It takes no effort to bring him closer to me as he upturns his lips and they meet mine. Unlike what I would have expected, his lips move gently against mine and I carefully sigh a sound of relief. After what felt like simultaneously a milisecond and a millennial, he pulls away.

"What is this about, then? Talk to me, let me help you."

"You're... You're asking a big thing of me."

"Huh? Allen, what are y-"

"You know what I'm like. I don't exactly..." He pauses for what feels like forever and a half. "Lenalee's my only friend, besides you. And _we_ only ever became friends because I thought I had to, if you were moving in."

This twinges a bit, but I ignore the sting. "Allen, what are you saying?"

"We accept the love we think we deserve. I just... You'd better without me."

Blood rushes through my ears and I can't hear whether he continues or not. I feel my face get hot, but not in the way I'd hoped. My head starts pounding with all the thoughts assaulting it, and I can feel the fury bubbling up in my stomach.

_Why am I so angry with you._

I can't tell why, but I am. I'm enraged, furious, at this boy, who won't accept anything I give him. Why can't he see? Why won't he? Why is he so blind? I don't understand why he doesn't think he deserves me; he's never done anything to _not _deserve love. The things he's been through _over-_qualifies him for it, actually.

"Fine."

His eyes find my one, which is rock solid in rage. He's shocked, but I don't care anymore; I just want to hurt him.

"If you don't think you deserve me, _this_, then I might as well leave."

"L-Lavi...?"

I can't bear to look into his undoubtedly pained eyes. "Don't bother me. I'll get a bus tomorrow, and I'll get out of your hair."

I turn on my heels, forcing myself past him and down the hallway.

"L-Lavi that's not what I-" I can hear him chasing after me, but I turn, holding out a hand to stop him.

"Don't worry. I promise."

I slam my door, making sure to lean against it in case he tries barging in. When he doesn't, although I secretly wanted him to, I slide down to the floor, resting my arms on my knees, and cry into them. The tears hold mixed emotions; anguish, rage, disappointment, fear. It's a collage, all for Allen. If he thinks we're both better off without each other, who am I to argue against him? I just hope this will prove him wrong. But why do I have to hurt him? Why do I _want to?_ He's my-...

What is he to me? My friend? I don't think he qualifies as just my friend anymore. I can't even tell; our relationship is too complicated for either of us to have a title, I guess. I hate complicated things. There's never any definition, and it gets on my nerves. Maybe that's why I'm trying to destroy, no, not destroy. Maybe, excavate what's going on here between us. I need an answer and Allen's just not giving it to me. I've tried my best. I've done everything I can for him, for _us, _but he hasn't done his part and now I know why. Now we both have to suffer the consequences.

I sit like this for too long for me to comprehend, but it's suddenly almost pitch black outside and the house is completely silent.

I wipe the dried tears from my cheek, and fix my eye-patch when it must have gotten knocked askew. I look for my backpack, then realize it's out by the couch from when we did homework yesterday.

And then the previous night begins replaying in my head.

"_I'll go back to Bookman's."_

My eye stings furiously, but I try to bite it back. I leave my room quietly and find my backpack. I return to my room and begin stuffing necessities into it. Tears fall onto the clothing as I'm shoving it into my backpack and I grit my teeth. I have to remind myself that this is better, that this is what Allen wants.

When the bag is full, I lie down and try not to think about what I'm doing.

**ooOIOoo**

I wake up excruciatingly early, hoping that Lavi's still here. I want to try and talk to him, now that we're both calmed down a little bit, and most importantly, I want to fix this.

I don't want Lavi to leave.

In fact, I think it would break me.

I don't bother trying to be quite when I leave my room. I pace in the hallway, wondering if he's _actually _in his room. I don't have the courage to knock on his door, so I'm hoping he'll come out when he's ready. Then the thought comes to me that if he knows I'm out here, he won't show himself.

I sigh, trying to hold back the welling in my already tear-stained eyes, and take to the kitchen. I scrounge around for something for breakfast, but I'm too upset to eat, which I didn't even know was possible.

I stare at the pantry blankly for a while, and when I leave empty handed, I hear the front door close.

"Lavi?!"

I barrel out from the kitchen, but he's gone. I throw the front door open, fully prepared to chase him, but he's no where to be seen. The door closes behind me, and I slide down it, wrapping my arms around my knees and pulling them tight to me.

I can't remember when I got up to go back inside.

The rest of the day passes, and I'm sulking for all of it.

"_This is all my fault," _I tell myself sometimes. Other times I just cry.

I check my phone once and I see Lenalee's been trying to text me. I lie and nonchalantly tell her I'm busy today and she buys it.

After a while, I turn on the TV to distract myself and curl up on the couch, wiping the thick tears from my face. I check the time out of curiosity and I'm surprised that its already late afternoon.

When the television doesn't work out, I consider taking a walk, or maybe taking a trip back to the bar, but I know that's a death wish. The diner is painful, too, but a different kind. I decide that the fresh air would do me some good on it's own, and step outside.

I pay attention to the cars that pass. Some mini vans, a few trucks. Mostly cars. And a bus. And it looks like rain, naturally.

I start walking aimlessly. I just walk. I'm of decent distance from the house when I realize I forgot my phone, but that's okay. I have no one to call anyway.

I just walk, wondering what I'm to do from here.

I have to keep living; I know that. I can't, no, I won't let this ruin my life. So I made a mistake. People make mistakes. It happens, but telling myself that doesn't make me feel much better.

I hear a commotion up ahead, but I don't pay much mind to it.

"_Maybe it was a car accident."_ I shrug it off and keep walking, waiting and listening for the police car, ambulance, tow truck; whatever kind of vehicle would ensue.

I hear it, the ambulance and it passes me, and even once it's out of my view, having turned a corner, I can still hear it. Was the crash really that close?

I speed up, interest peaked, trying to find the location.

"_Hey, that bus passed me...?"_

Stopping a distance away to let families and officials in, I stop and watch. The bus that had passed me was on it's side and the front of another truck was flattened, almost sitting under the larger vehicle. I watch as the medical team tows away victims, access damage and load people into ambulances, now as two more arrive. The crowd seems to have gotten as big as it's going to and I start closing in, watching grief-stricken family members and friends watch in horror as people they know leave the rubble.

I can't help but feel sorry for all of them. None of them could have expected this, and none of them could have prevented it.

Then a flash of orange catches my eye.

"_No. No it's not. It was just someone's shirt."_

"Hey, there's one more!" Someone from the rescue team shouts and I realize I've worked my way almost to the front of the mob.

Some others gather around him and they work to pull the body from the wreckage as carefully as they can.

My heart sinks.

* * *

**Okay, I _know_ it's been quite a while, but this is closing in on the end, and I _promise _that I won't abandon it; not that I've gotten this far.**

**_SO!_ Whether I have a bit of explaining to do or not...?  
**

**Lavi's in some deep shit. Keeps trying to make moves but it just doesn't work... I know guys, I'm sorry. I know you were all looking for the cliche ending, with the 'realization of the undying love' scene, but I just couldn't let that happen. Not now, maybe not ever. Maybe Lavi will just die and Allen will spiral into depression or simply move on. ;3 Nah, I'm not that cruel.**

**Or am I?**

**Nah.**

**So, you can has this, and I'll be on my way. On a completely unrelated topic:**

CLIFFHANGER MUHAHAHAHA.


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